I still think of you from time to time
sometimes memories are triggered without invite
Like today… when I glanced over the dish rack and noticed I lined up the plates the way you would…
or occasionally when dubstep shuffles it’s way into my playlist…
and from time to time when I reflect on the mistakes I’ve made and how I could have been better
or when I regret staying for so long when early on I could already tell it probably wouldn’t work
I’m sorry for not being perfect.
Thank you for the lessons.
Thank you for the good memories despite the bad ones.
I wish you well…
Sometimes I get the urge to text you to tell you you can still count on me…
sometimes I want to tell you about things I’m learning…
sometimes I wanna send you funny things I see on the internet and wish we could still talk
but then I’m like nah fuck that,
because there is still this little part of me that is upset by the bullshit you put me through – which technically is the bullshit I was the one who kept accepting — so who is really to blame?
I guess maybe I’m not yet fully healed from it
and in some ways I feel like the bullshit was necessary for me to learn to do better and be better
I hope you are doing better too
despite the bullshit, I still love you
not like a lover now… but like a human and a friend
the memory of your smile is one of my favorites and I hope you are smiling a lot out there…
it’s weird when you have let go of someone you love…