If I show you mine will you show me yours?
Your soul.
How deep does it go?
Can I explore it — every inch, every dusty forgotten corner hidden behind furniture you haven’t moved in years. Can I gently pull away the sofa and get underneath? Can I rest here for a moment and look at old photos.
I’d want to ask you a million questions, and hear you answer each one on a warm summer day where a minute feels like a day and a second all at once. I’d like to stay here longer but it’s like the clock is prepping for a marathon.
The timing feels so off.
How could something so good be delivered at the wrong time?
“The Universe makes no mistakes” some would say.
God, why is it like this?
Why does it feel like I am almost there but yet so damn far? SO. DAMN. FAR.
Why does it feel like there is a chance that I’ll never make it?
How I yearn for those days. Those days where it feels solid.
You, me, life, the universe. It’s peaceful. It’s beautiful. It’s solid. It’s certain.
I’ll be okay, you’ll be okay — we’ll be okay.
It will be safe.
The sky clear, the weather warm. Herbs growing in the garden.
I feel safe in my body. I feel loved by you and love you in return.
I wake up slowly and gently.
I make you a beautiful, fresh, home cooked meal.
You can hear the birds.
The landscape green.
The ceilings tall.
Vitality coursing through our blood.
It’s simple.
It’s beautiful.
It’s right.
But what if I never make it?
I just want to lay my head on your chest and rest my arm around you
underneath the stars, on a warm summer evening
while the music plays
where for a moment I feel safe
and that desire for the moment to never change creeps in
I just want to hold on longer, I just want to stay here
To look up and see the light shine from your blue eyes
To feel the gentle rising and sinking of your chest
To forget about the worries, the to do’s
and to just exist next to you.
The time is now
To love
To swim in the ocean
To get the back tattoo your mother told you not to
To feel the wind on your skin
To look up at the moon and howl like a wolf
To say “I’m sorry”
To say “I love you”
To laugh
To dance without caring what anybody else thinks
To bake cookies and offer it to your neighbors
To call your daughter
To write the book
To book a one way flight to London
To release the past
To paint
To kiss
To just fucking LIVE
We’re on a “planet” (this is what we call it, whatever “it” is this is) traversing through space at insane speed, with intelligent bodies and food just growing off the land so we could eat it… like c’mon on.. WTF is going on?
You better start acting like this is magical and CARPE THAT DIEM
There might as well be unicorns riding on leprechauns while doing back flips and eating donuts because none of this makes sense
I am literally typing on a “computer” with intelligent hands who respond to an intelligent brain and then fucking sending this out into the ethers so your intelligent, magnificent eye could read it. LIKE WTF?
If you’re not just losing your shit 24/7 at this marvel, I dunno what else needs to happen for you to awaken to the magic waiting for you to behold it
Ahhhh
The time is fucking NOW
To rise up
and be the most amazing you, you could be
If this was a symphony we’re about to hit the climatic moment
A kaleidoscope of flavors, colors, sounds, tongues
HEARTS ARE OPEN
I am ready to receive
I am ready to give
To surrender to life
While also standing true to that which I am
Neither this nor that
Neither here nor there
Neither this or that
Nothing – Something – Paradox
Folding unto itself in the hopes of squeezing out something…..
Could we finally look into each other’s soul and admit the full truth?
Could we look in each other’s eyes and finally know?
I don’t know
But I think it’s time we at least fucking try
Being human is such a wild ride
That’s all I have for today…
Jk.
I’d also like to add that I am FEELING so much and that I’m praying for a breakthrough.
Who am I? What am I doing? What is it all for?
JUST TELL ME THE ANSWERS.
I’m tired of so many aspects of our world as we have it.
I’m tired of myself too.
Of my insecurities, fear, uncertainty, indecision and dense energy.
I’m also tired of my complaining. It’s so annoying.
Living with yourself when you’re annoying af is annoying af.
What else?
I’m trying to see the picture and get the point.
They say “Trust the process”. They say “Just be patient.”
It’s so tough to pour your heart into something and see no return.
It’s like I’m being tested. It’s like I’m delusional.
What are we doing?
The more I learn the more I’m shocked at how unconscious we are. The more you see the more light shines through and it all starts making sense.
The dots connect.
Ugh.
I don’t even wanna share this.
I was also ashamed about the last post I created here.
But this was meant to be a place for my unfiltered thoughts for you to see. And now I’m justifying.
I wanted to tell you about my anger too.
But also, about love, hope and trust.
But I’m tired now so I’ll leave you with this…
I think there’s power in our thoughts.
There’s power in our energy
and I’m having a hard time calibrating mine. I don’t know who I am and what I want, or what the whole point even is. And why does it have to be so dramatic and intense for me? Why do I burden myself with needing to figure out this mystery of life?
To be continued.
“This world is full of shit, you live and then you don’t exist”
https://soundcloud.com/spacejesus/exist-feat-shape
There’s this battle going on inside me
There’s this version of me that is trying to birth to life
She is such a badass leader
She speaks her mind
She claims what she wants
She inspires the world
She says it like it is
She calls out the bullshit
She leads for the good of the people
For protection of the land
For nature
For peace
For love
For joy
For abundance
For freedom
For health
She reminds you of your calling
She calls you out when you’re playing small
She pulls the small out of you and helps you see your BIGNESS
Your power
Your worth
Your potential
She isn’t afraid to fully express herself
To learn, to be willing to listen and admit where she is wrong
To confess when she fails and errs
To apologize for her humanity and do better next time and mean it
To come back stronger
To be kind
and then…
There is another version that is like, why do you even want to do that for?
Can’t you just be a normal person?
No one cares anyway
Just be normal and live a normal life and stop with this dilusion
What is it all for anyway?
Plus, why do you have to be so intense?
Why can’t you just do and be something simple?
Why does it have to be this grandiose thing?
Why does it have to be some life altering purpose, rather than some simple basic thing?
It won’t even matter in the end anyway.
——————————————
I don’t know, even writing this feels stupid.
_____________________________________
We exist.
What is it all for?
What are we doing here?
Some days I get tired of it all.
I get lost in it all.
I just want a simple life and for things to be good. Why is it so complicated to just live simply and in peace, health and joy? To have a good time and enjoy this experience.
Don’t you want the same?
Then why don’t we come together to create it.
——–
Perhaps it’s all to do with the inside rather than out.
But no… it’s kinda both.
You gotta have both.
I feel like I’m “almost” there…
I am almost sure
almost confident
almost feeling embodied and clear
almost feeling like I am on the other side of a breakthrough
but danm… almost is still not MAKING IT
almost is still not actually meeting the mark.
But it is what it is…
at least I believe I’m almost there.
And that should count for something, right?
If you’ve been working hard but still haven’t quite achieved the goal,
you’re not alone.
I just want to celebrate you for trying. For doing your best.
We’re all trying in the best way we can, even if some days our best is our worst.
Let’s keep going
Let’s keep moving
We’re almost there.
do you ever fall in love with strangers?
and then create a whole fantasy and picture in your mind of what life will look like together?
How you’ll cuddle all night
wake up and stare at each others eyes
in awe, in joy, in complete peace
you wish time would stop moving, because you’re just so cozy, comfortable, and want for nothing
you make the bed and waltz into the kitchen
he plays some good tunes
*sizzle* *sizzle*
eggs on a pan, he comes up behind you and hugs you
you’re wearing his white cotton button shirt
The sun is shining through the window, the birds are chirping
coffee brewing
And you both start swayin’
……
all because he simply said hello
lol
Do you ever wonder if you’re looking at the moon at the same time as your soul mate you haven’t met yet?
Perhaps he is in his room playing the guitar wishing you were there…
While you write on your journal wondering where he is….
A quantum entanglement of simultaneous events unfolding…..
Life is art.
We have created a world that is built on living off money, rather than living off LIFE
Why do many of us work?
To make money to pay the bills
Like housing, lights, food, etc….
What if we changed the reason why we worked instead?
Why work for money when we can work for havingness and contribution
What if we didn’t need to pay for housing, because we understand that housing is just a need and we provide this for each other simply because we need it
What if we had more people grow their food and we stopped over capitalizing on each other
What if we did things because they were good to do and not because of money
What if we didn’t charge for lights because we know lights are good for us and lights is something we provide for each other so we could see in the dark
What if the systems we create were created for our joy, ease, well being and good rather than profit because we have to play this game of make money to pay bills rather than we work to contribute to our peace and enjoyment and provision
The earth provides what we need
The earth provides the trees that we use for wood to make our homes
Why are we making it harder for each other to exist on this planet?
So many are depressed, sad, anxious, lonely, scared, stuck because of what we’re doing with our economic system
Borrow from the bank to go to school
Borrow from the bank to get a car
Borrow from the bank to get a house
INTEREST INTEREST INTEREST
Interesting for the banks, slavery for the human
Then you go to work to make a little money to just get by
just try to stay afloat
Running in a hamster wheel that doesn’t allow us to flourish
What the F is this bullshit?
We are human beings. We are born of this earth. This amazing earth which provides us with bananas, oranges, strawberries, wheat, pineapples, and each other
We are intelligent
We are creative
Why are we making it hard for us to exist?
Why are we putting ourselves in prisons?
Staring at screens for hours a day, stuck inside, alienated from our families
Rigid systems, taxes left and right
WHAT THE F IS THIS!?
I’m mad.
And I think we could do better
reflectoutloud.com 