Something isn’t right here with our systems.
Anybody else feel this?
The Earth provides every resource we need
We, the humans, use our intelligence to manipulate materials into goods for our use
We cut the tree, turn it to wood
We take the wood and turn it into houses, chairs, tables, paper
We, the humans, invent our systems… we co-create our reality. We’re just making it up. We make the rules, the laws, the systems.
Let’s chat on the money system…
We’ve invented the money system to aid in the trade of goods and services
But the way we are currently operating feels to me less than optimal
It’s NOT optimal that we capitalize on our basic needs, because then so much of our energy is wasted when it could be better allocated for improving operations, well-being, enjoyment, pleasure and an overall better life experience across the board.
Because of the current operating system so much of our time is spent working to make money to pay for goods that would otherwise not be necessary to continue to pay for, but we do because of capitalism.
I’d like to speak specifically on HOUSING for the sake of illustrating this point.
After you have built your home/shelter, the thing is built. It’s DONE. It need not be bothered unless some repair is needed. Outside of repairs and upgrades being made over the many years, for the most part the home is DONE. There is no need to keep “PAYING” for it, AKA exerting ENERGY, AKA make MONEY to keep PAYING for a thing that is already DONE. But whyyyy do we do it? CAPITALISM.
And beyond that, we have governmental forces wanting to TAX (aka make money) on LAND, whereas LAND is intrinsically free of monetary value. Land is a natural space that has no actual intrinsic monetary cost. It is humans that are putting a monetary cost to an otherwise costless thing. Why? Because of the current system at hand.
There are many people who benefit from the way things are who would have no incentive to make any changes. There are many who have studied and understood the “game” and are playing the “game” and thus perpetuating the system as is. Even if a new person becomes wealthy from capitalism and now is blessed with riches, opportunities, ease and comfort, that person will still not thrive as optimally as possible because the world in which we are co-creating isn’t an optimal world.
Ok, I kind of went off the rails with that last point there as it’s quite a high level perspective.
The point I am making isn’t that capitalism is bad or good. The point I’m making is that there is something off about how we are currently operating and I believe it could be better.
I believe we could have much better systems that waste less of our personal energy. Systems where we don’t have to waste time to make money just to pay for certain resources that could simply be a given. Instead our energy could be better allocated and put towards doing epic things that make us more intelligent, help us have more fun, joy, pleasure and have an AMAZING TIME on this beautiful Earth.
The point is we could be LAUGHING more, loving more, we could be healthier, happier, and more at ease in our bodies. We could be seeing the world. We could actually make it to MARS in our lifetime. We could feed EVERYONE. We could probably even figure out something mind blowing like creating a TIME MACHINE!!
But no. We are POORLY allocating our time to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for wood we found of the Earth in nature for free just because it turned into a house.
Like come the fuck on. I KNOW we can make a better system than this.
There is something so deeply poetic about endings.
Life is constantly in the process of moving, from one moment to the next.
The moment you started reading this is already over, you are now getting to the middle and now the end of this sentence.
It’s all evaporating. Morphing. Changing.
Everything changes.
And what hurts is that sometimes we wish it wouldn’t.
We wish we didn’t have to say good bye to the people and places we love because letting go of something we hold dear is painful.
There is something so deeply painful about going through the loss of what we love.
The loss of a lover, a friend, a parent, our youth.
There is something so bittersweet about this aspect of change. Change is what allows us to experience. To grow. To move through time.
Sometimes it means moving closer to the people and things we want, while other times moving further and further away.
The pain of a breakup feels like the soul is being ripped apart.
The pain of detaching. Healing. It hurts so profoundly.
Wounds can be complex in nature. They have dimension. They can bring both wisdom, sadness, fondness, appreciation, regret. Some wounds are like a soup carrying a mixture of flavors and many ingredients.
It’s so hard to say good bye sometimes.
Yet it’s these very endings that clear the same for the new. For rebirth. For transformation. We must let go of what is in order to step into what is becoming and what will be. It’s the endings that will make way for your greatest joys. For fresh energy to enter your life and new wisdom to be gained.
Until it’s time to say good bye to that too at some point. A new ending from another beginning.
Gahhhh.
I like to think of enduring endings the way you would a tattoo. They’re painful, but you just sit there and take the pain. Sometimes that’s all we can do. Is sit and take the pain. To fully sink into it and feel it. To embrace the shadow, the dark, the hurt, the loss, the sickness, the breakdown, the storm. To look it all in the face and simply endure. Simply be with it. Simply accept that it hurts and that all we can do in this moment is feel the pain. There is no where to go or hide. The only place is here and now and this pain.
Oof.
Boy, I tell ya. This life. It’s a sick, wild, beautiful, wonderful, sad, bittersweet piece of art.
if I could describe our relationship in one word,
”disappointment” would probably be a good one.
———
and I hate that
because I don’t wanna think of you that way
and I don’t wanna feel that
and I hate that it IS that
And therefore, it has to be rectified.
Perhaps with an ending and going our separate ways. Perhaps with becoming better as individuals and meeting back up when the time is right. Perhaps with simply acknowledging and accepting what is and not making anything of it. Perhaps some whole other outcome I can’t even think of.
but it can’t be like this
I can’t let it be a disappointment
I can’t let it be less that perfect
it IS
or it isn’t
and I want it to be GOOD
so damn GOOD
so damn right it blows your mind
I want the RIGHT and CORRECT answer
beyond a shadow of a doubt
it is SO GOOD
and SO RIGHT that anything other, above, or beyond cannot be conceived or imagined because IT IS ALL OF THAT and MORE all in ONE
all and done
So GOOD and SO PERFECT that there is nothing left to add, utter, conceive, say, do, be or have
that’s IT
THAT’S IT!!!
THAT’S
it
mmmmm
the depths of the depths of my soul craves the depths of the depths of experience
oh how I yearn for those beautiful, precious moments that slip through time and evaporate into the ether
how I wish I could hold them longer, how I wish I didn’t have to let go and could savor this gift forever
sigh…
I get sad sometimes over the passage of time
over the thought of death and letting go
and how this life is temporary and who knows where it all truly leads
It’s fucking nuts honestly
I’m sad over the aging of my mother
and how I wish I could give her the world
I’m sad over my own aging
I’m sad over the suffering that exists…
I wish I could do a million things at once
Go on a road trip on a warm summer day, look at the starts while smoking a joint on top of the hood of a jeep with someone who just gets me and the vibe is just right…. and also write a book, teach a course on personal finance that helps the average worker and laborers know what to do with their hard earned money so they aren’t stuck working so hard without seeing their money actually grow.
I wish I could travel to Thailand, Bali, Spain, Portugal, India, Italy, Greece, Turkey, London, Ireland, The Virgin Islands and swim naked in the ocean in some other beautiful island where the water is calm and just the perfect temperature – not hot, not cold ~ just right.
I wish I could reach more people and help them on their journey somehow, some way. To make friends from all the world and get a flower tattoo on my back to go with the humming bird waiting to kiss it.
I’m fucking sad bro
For all the reasons there exist for a human to be sad about…
A moment of silence please as we sit and acknowledge the dark side…the emptiness… the void…the stuff that we wish weren’t so.
……………………
I wish I could live a thousand lives
Walk the streets of New York City dressed in edgy but classy fashion while living in a beautiful Manhattan apartment filled with books, tapestries, and vintage decor.
Sigh…
At the same time I am grateful
Grateful for the experience of experience
Grateful for it all even though I have no idea what the f is going on
It’s the middle of the night and I’m fantasizing about living a million different lives…
How I wish I could be a Carrie Bradshaw dressed in Vera Wang, waltzing around the streets of New York City in dazzling high heel shoes. A trace of delicate perfume in the air on a summer evening, headed to a cocktail party with the girls.
Then I fantasize about having an eat, pray, love story in Bali. Barefoot. Mala beads. Light, flowy dress. Cross legged. Smoke of an incense dancing in a small, colorful room decorated with Buddha heads, meditation pillows, and ancient philosophy books sprawled on wooden tables.
Ahhhh
I wish there was time to do it all. To live the different flavors of life. To taste the different vibes. To embody the energy of different realities and get to live it all.
Sigh.
Life’s weird.
~~.~~
Well, let me tell you about my love life.
I’m currently with a man who is sweet,
but it feels like so many parts of me with him are dead.
Like that deep, earthy part that years to get completely submerged in inexplicable love that goes beyond senses.
The part that wants to be fully seen and understood without judgement.
The part that feels comfortable with silence and can rest peacefully in tune with all that is–no wants, no worries, just pure ease and bliss. Like “This is it!”
The part that feels like an embodied woman-sexy, wild, free, shameless. In full feminine energy, embracing her body, her cycles, her perfect imperfections.
The part that feels both like a queen and a little girl. Loved and looked after. Honored and respected.
Lol
am I delusional?
a part of me just thinks I should be happy with what I have. That I shouldn’t “self sabotage” because of some fantasy.
But I can’t help but wonder if maybe…
just maybe… there are still parts of me in the space time continuum that are waiting to mature. Waiting to be unlocked and unleashed. But not just yet. Not right now.
The more I try to figure it all out the less I understand
I’m in awe
of this
all of this
existence itself
it literally blows my mind because it’s just not comprehensible
Talk this out with me for a moment
How is it that everything has precise order and incredibly fine, exquisite design
and then we are just existing here on a planet spinning around in space lit by a ball of fire that is conveniently distanced at the perfect spot to allow all kinds of intricately deigned life forms to take shape who then have to basically figure out how to survive…?
Like what is all this!?
The human body alone is a mind blowing work of art. The fact that this whole machinery constructs itself from a sperm and egg inside the womb and over time encodes itself to form a heart, lungs, eyes, a brain, feet, nails, hair, stomach, digestive tract, a nose, veins, etc – all with such masterful design is hard for me to wrap my head around.
If that’s not fascinating, I don’t know what is.
I merely lose it when I contemplate it.
Have you ever looked at a drawing of the ear drum?
The ear drum alone is incredibly impressive, let alone the entire body!!
Then just look at everything else- the other animals, insects, birds, lizards…
The leaves, trees, plants, fruits.
Bananas trip me out every time. Like how does it know to grow a beautiful cover to protect its fruit so we could eat it? 😭😭 How?? How does it even know to be a banana? What nececitated there be a thing such as a banana? What is encoding all that is to be?
Seriously, wtf is going on? What IS all this!???
And then there’s all the human invention added to the mix – as if life already wasn’t interesting enough
now we have things like iPhones and electricity
and I, a human, am here typing into a phone created by harnessing the elements provided by the planet and the intelligence and skills of the inventors of this technology, so that YOUR magnificently designed eyes could read this.
WHAT!?
Like cmon
I don’t know how we’re not all walking around completely mind blown at every second of the day
But anyway…
I think the point I’m making is that I’m truly in awe
and also feel so small
like what do I really know at the end of the day? So little. Barely anything. I feel like an ant.
What is even the point? Sometimes I don’t get it.
Sometimes I buy into the human story and drama – you know- the pay bills, make money, drive a car, do the laundry, every day normal people bullshit sort of thing.
Is that what life’s about? Is it about something else?
Perhaps cleaning oceans, ending wars, saving kittens, and housing the homeless?
Or is it about experiences, traveling, kissing, trying to make the best of the opportunity to be here?
I don’t know, and don’t know the actual point
But I hope I don’t miss it
so the other day I was watching a course on real estate investing so I could learn how it all works
and then I had this epiphany
“It’s fake.” 🫠
let me explain…
We, the humans, are inventing the rules, the laws, the systems, the stuff you see around you
We’re the one making up stuff
We use our intelligence to make stuff from the stuff we find on Earth and then we start making up these rules and stories about it all…
We even invent sounds (words) to point to objects so we can understand and come to an agreement about all the stuff we keep inventing
We make the laws, the systems
it’s made up… by us
It isn’t “real”. There is no actual intrinsic law that says a red light means you stop. We just made that up so we could organize traffic.
So if we make the rules of our world, shouldn’t it just be intuitive that we’d want to make it awesome!?
It’s tricky though because we all have different definitions of what an awesome world would look like and what that means
but I’m pretty confident in our ability to figure it out
to harmonize…
but here’s the other curious thing
there does seem to be some intrinsic order that permeates reality that is in effect apart from our human creations and inventions
Like the sky, and the rain
and the fact that my spoon will fall if I drop it
there are some “laws” of nature
and there there is also the curious thing that there even is something at all to begin with
something rather than nothing
and that something is inherently intelligent and organized, to the point of fabricating your beautiful face which such detail- your beating heart with it’s perfect veins connecting to other parts of your body… and all the living creatures- all so unique and with such FINE detail. Like bro, have you LOOKED at a birds feather and how exquisite it is? And just literally everything. Like a grain of sand, a rock, the ocean, the trees swaying in the wind.
LIKE WTF?
I’m in literal awe
but then zoom in on us… the humans…
and then there’s our stuff… the college applications and the line at the DMV and the glorious cup of coffee at Starbucks, chocolate ice cream, and Seinfeld… oh and the housing situation!!!
We are making up all this extra shit
So given that we are making up the extra shit — shouldn’t we be making it good for us all to enjoy a good time on Earth?
I vote yes!
Because why should some struggle while others don’t?
I don’t know,
this is a long topic and it’s late and I’m sleepy
but yeah
those have been some of my reflections
Too da loo
Today I am feeling grateful
My body feels relaxed and the temperature outside feels comfortable to my body
I can see the stars from the porch where I’m sitting
I’m clean from a shower and today was a good day
my tummy is adequately full and my body is nourished
ahhhh
how it feels good to take a deep breath and to truly delight in the beauty of a good moment
where your heart is content and your physical body wants for nothing
moments like these are magic
moments like these are precious
I want more peaceful moments to exist for people…
sometimes I think about the others who are struggling and my heart hurts. I want to be able to help more of the world, because I believe we should all enjoy a good life and have as many good moments as possible
I hope we humans become more mature,
less animalistic and a bit more conscious
conscious of our emotions, our thoughts and the impact we have on each other and the world
the more we can learn about ourselves and each other the more we can have understanding and compassion
We all share this planet, we all bleed red
and I believe if we worked more collaboratively, with the understanding we are all part of the puzzle, the more awesome we could really make this life on Earth
anyway… I went on a tangent there
And here’s another one…
Wtf is going on though? What really is this life? What really is all this?
Today I remembered that my favorite aunt died last year…and it reminded me that this life is temporary
it also reminded me that bad things happen sometimes, and it’s like UGH what an interesting experience this is — this life thing… there’s some awesome things but also some really shitty, crappy, painful things that happen… BLEH! What an interesting THING this all is.
Sigh…
I have so much to say but sometimes don’t have the words
Thank you for this incredible experience
Forgive me for my faults, my mistakes, my humanity, my immaturity, my fears, my doubt, my shame, my shortcomings
my desire is to do the best I can and hope for the best,
and I’m sorry that my best sometimes is kind of shitty because I’m just not perfect
sometimes I’m lazy
sometimes I’m scared
sometimes I’m ignorant
sometimes I’m stubborn
sometimes I’m in my ego or too in my pride and avoid humility
sometimes I let the worst parts of me win and I can’t help it
but in my heart I know that I want nothing more than for everything and everyone to be safe and okay, and for all to be well and good… because why would anyone want the opposite of that?
I also think I’m a hypocrite sometimes
because how can I even say I’m a good and “conscious minded” person if I still eat meat
I’m over here preaching love and light yet eating animals that haven’t died of natural cause, wtf is that about? Something I still want to work on in this life time
anyway, enough of my nonsense for the day
thanks for being here
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