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Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

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Motivation

When we were kids we had our parents there to say “No more video games. It’s time to do your homework.” They’d shut off the game, shut off the TV and have your whining, tantrum little self make your way to your desk to get your homework done.

When you didn’t feel like eating your veggies they’d tell you “Nah ah – you gotta eat your veggies.”

When you didn’t feel like waking up in the morning they’d come into your room and make you get up anyway.

When you didn’t want to pick up your toys they’d tell you “Pick up your toys or you can’t play with them next time.”

But now you’re all grown up. No mommy and daddy to tell you “Hey, put down that doughnut and eat your veggies!”

YOU have to be your parent. You have to be your own motivator. Your own guide.

This means that when you don’t feel like going to the gym, that’s when you have to tell yourself “No can do buckaroo, put on those workout clothes, get up, get going!”
This means that when you don’t feel like washing those dishes, you gotta parent yourself saying, “I don’t think so missy/mister – those dishes ain’t gonna wash themselves. Get to it!”

See, it’s not every day that you’re going to feel inspired or motivated to keep up with the tasks necessary to keep your life afloat. But if you want results in any area of your life then CONSISTENCY is key. This means, even when you don’t feel like it – you gotta force yourself to do so. No different than if you were a kid who didn’t feel like doing homework because watching another episode of Spongebob Square Pants would be waaay more interesting.

I know, I get it, you rather be watching Netflix while eating a carton of rocky road ice cream in your pjs rather than running on the treadmill after eating spinach. Me too.
But just because I rather do that doesn’t mean that I should. My parent self has to step in and override the childish, lazy part that just wants to ignore what’s going to take a little more effort out of me.

Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.

It’s not about “feeling like it.”

Stop waiting to fee like it because feelings are not consistent. One day you may feel like it, the next day you might not. That’s too bad. Whether you feel like it or not YOU GOTTA PUSH YOURSELF if you want true results.

Even if you LOVE your job, it’s not every day that you’re going to FEEL like going.
And sure you may call out sick once or twice or take a personal day, but that’s not sustainable on a regular basis.

Not feeling motivated all day every day is normal. We’re human. We get bored. We get lazy. We get into the “I really just don’t feel like doing anything today” mode. And it’s during these times that we have to really go into “robot mode” as I’d like to call it and do shit anyways because it’s in doing that we get results, regardless of whether we feel like it or not.

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Waiting

I’m in a waiting period.

Waiting for all the seeds I’ve planted to bloom.

I’ve done my part. I’ve done everything I can do in this moment. The only thing left to do is wait.

I have two choices. I can either sit here anxiously looking up at the heavens while giving the universe the stink eye – like make it happen alreadyyyy!!!

Or… I can relax.

I can appreciate all this FREE time I’m being granted to simply exist. No need to be anywhere. Run anywhere. Get anywhere. It’s simply stay put and relax time.

But then a part of me feels like I’m not getting anywhere. I’m not getting ahead fast enough.

But I also have two choices here.

I can entertain all kinds of repetitive, nagging thoughts that say “you’re not moving fast enough. You should be more ahead. Things need to be happening faster. You’re just wasting time. You’re delayed to your own life. You don’t have the things you want.”

Or…

I can choose different. I can choose to think that this is the exact place I need to be right now. There is no place to rush to. My life is here, now. I can be comfortable in this moment. This is a learning period, not a “doing” period. Even though things are moving at a slower pace doesn’t mean they can’t suddenly accelerate at a different time, like in a race car game when the last car suddenly catches those turbo boost lanes that leverages them towards first place.

race car

What voice am I going to feed?

Probably a little bit of both. Because I’m human and pout and throw tantrums when I don’t get what I want. But then I catch myself. I soothe myself saying, “I know you want to be at step 6, 7 or 8 but right now you’re at step 2 and it’s frustrating. I know it all looks overwhelming. And that’s okay. This is a process. Be okay with the process. Choose to believe that life is working FOR you. It’s not a matter of IF but WHEN it all will manifest. So enjoy the unfolding. One day at a time. No rush. No tantrums. Go have fun!”

I freak out, then everything works out in the end. Maybe a part of me thinks that I need to freak out to get things to move faster. But really, I just need to trust and relax. Because when I look back at my life, I don’t want to have an archive of anxious, sad, stressful memories. I want to see endless footage of me smiling through my life.

 

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*car image credit to APKpure.com

Trust Your Unfolding

Try this new method of relating with the circumstances in your life: completely release having to control all the details and timing and just trust that everything will align.

If you’re anything like me then you want everything done yesterday and at the speed of light. You stress and worry about whether or not the things you want will manifest into your life. BUT ENOUGH of living like this. ENOUGH of living under pressure. Wouldn’t life be more fun if you just chilled the F* out? Where are you rushing to? Do you really think that stressing is going to make things happen faster? It’s not. Things will happen at the speed that they will happen whether you stress it or not. So why not chill out and trust the unfolding instead? It’s way more fun this way!

Take the necessary action to get yourself from A to B and then CHILL. Do your part. Whatever that is.

-Wake up early.
-Create a resume.
-Network.
-Research.
-Go to the gym.
-Eat a healthy meal.
-Start that website.
-Create that dating profile.
-Write that blog post.
-Get out of the house and go for a walk.
-Start a savings account.
-Apply to new jobs.
-Tell that person “this relationship is no longer working for me.”

WHATEVER IT IS FOR YOU THAT YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO BE DOING – GO DO IT NOW and WHATEVER RESULT YOU ARE WAITING FOR, TRUST THAT IT WILL MANIFEST.

Co-create your life with the universe.

Release feeling like it’s NOT going to happen. Change that mindset of “I’ll never make it.”

EVERY DAY tell yourself: I AM ABLE TO ACHIEVE ALL MY GOALS. LIFE WORKS IN MY FAVOR. EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE.

TRUST!

Take action and release control.
Take action and release control.
Take action and release control.

Trust. Trust. Trust.

SMILE.

Life is working in your favor – STOP LETTING YOUR MIND TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

Start looking at the EVIDENCE that SHOWS you that what you want IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE.

Try this as an experiment: When you see yourself gettin’ all worked up because sh*t’s just not coming together exactly how you want at the speed that you want – BREATHE — and say: I release control in this moment and I relax in the knowing that this is a process and just because it is not in front of me in this PRECISE moment, does not mean that it will NOT happen.

OF COURSE it’s going to work out!
Of COURSE I am going to achieve my goal. I am unfolding into it. I am trusting this journey.
OF COURSE the universe is on my side.
OF COURSE I am loved.
OF COURSE I am capable.
OF COURSE the doors of opportunity will open for me.
OF COURSE my health is going to improve.
OF COURSE I can bounce back from this rejection.
OF COURSE I can heal my wounds.
OF COURSE I can make this change.
OF COURSE I can have a successful business.

OF COURSE! OF COURSE!

YES! YES! YES!

I am here to tell you YES. RELAX BABY! RELAX.
Take aligned action and RELAX.  IT WILL HAPPEN!

Believe with me. Trust with me. Breathe with me. Take the leap with me.

IT WILL HAPPEN!

Do The Damn Thing

Make your suffering count. Pay a price for the life you actually want.


For a long time I have imagined myself as a this great successful person that has helped and touched many lives with inspiring and motivational messages. And then I realized… Oh, I actually have to do something to get to that success. I can’t just sit here on my couch eating McDonald’s expecting Jesus to come down from heaven with a million dollars and a bunch of loving fans for me. I gotta do the damn thing.

And this reality is something pretty scary to face. Whether I fail or succeed is my own doing. I am responsible for my story. I am responsible for what I make of my life. Those chiseled abs I want aren’t just gonna carve themselves. That book I wanna write isn’t just gonna pop into existence. I gotta put in the work. I gotta do the damn thing.

I can fantasize about an abundant, successful career and book but unless I start taking the necessary action and start writing the damn thing it’s never going to come to fruition. It’ll just remain a fantasy.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat here and thought to myself “Oh, I gotta start working on that book.” It’s been over 5 years that I’ve had that thought. And how many pages have I written? 0.

Thoughts and dreams are wonderful things to have. But only actions have actual credibility in the real world.

We have to get honest with ourselves and see what are the actions necessary to create what we want to create and whether or not we are truly willing to put in the sacrifice to make it happen. Even if we are creating something we truly love and are truly passionate about there will still be hard work involved. There will still be a price to pay. There will still be effort and energy to exert. That’s just life.
Even the basic activities in life require energy and effort – like getting out of bed, brushing our teeth, making breakfast, etc…  so why would it be any different when it comes to creating the life and success we know we want to achieve? It’s not different. It’s going to take real effort. It’s going to be painful and really difficult at times – but it’ll be worth it because it’ll bring into existence the results you actually want. So make your suffering count! Suffer for the thing you actually do want and stop suffering for the things you don’t.

*Image credit to pinterest

Happiness is a Lifestyle

And then it dawned on me… happiness is more than just a feeling, it’s a lifestyle.

If you want to run a marathon, you have to train.
If you want to perform a song, you have to rehearse.
If you want to be physically fit, you have to exercise.
And if you want to be happy, you have to practice.

It is easy to be happy when life’s smooth sailing. When you get the promotion. You get the house. Your health is phenomenal. There is money in the bank and that new stock you just purchased skyrockets beyond belief. When you catch all the shiny green lights underneath a clear blue sky on your merry drive to work. When the bartender buys you an extra shot of whiskey. When your in-laws never make it to the Sunday brunch (just kidding with that one… haha).

But being happy only when unicorns are splashing magical pixie dust on your path is too conditional to yield lifelong sustainable happiness. Life can be a straight up asshole sometimes. This is why if you want to live consistently happy you must practice happiness as a lifestyle and not simply as an emotional response to desirable experiences. Happiness is a tool you can whip out of your pocket especially when circumstances are trying. It’s like that Optimus Prime type Swiss-army knife you’re gonna wanna carry around with you wherever you go. Because what happens when things don’t go exactly as planned? What happens when you don’t get the promotion? When your finances become unstable? When your health is compromised? When you have to change that flat tire in the middle of a snow storm? When the in-laws actually make it to Sunday brunch!?  (Yeah. I went there!).

I’ll tell you what happens. Happiness often gets thrown out the window.  It gets donated to the nearest Goodwill along with those purple suede bell bottom jeans you have no idea what possessed you to buy in the first place! But this is when you need happiness most.

Absurd, right!? Being asked to be happy when situations have gone wrong.

But here is my question: Do you want to be happy or not?
If you answer yes, then two things:
1) You must seriously choose and commit to be happy
2) You must act in alignment to your choice to be happy

CAVEAT: IT WILL NOT BE EASY. Just like it isn’t easy to get those 6 pack abs everyone so desperately wants.

The ease of the challenge will depend on how much a particular undesirable circumstance impacts you. For instance, it’ll be much easier to exercise your happiness muscle when a simple undesirable circumstance, like spilling some coffee on your white shirt occurs, whereas losing your job will require having had quite some practice.

There is more to be said on the subject as it is not as straight forward as I’m describing it to be. There is an entire process that involves processing and accepting your current emotional state before actively choosing happiness as the preferred state of being. I will write another post to clarify in more detail exactly what this process entails. For now, I kind of just want to throw this out there to get some kind of ball rolling.

But essentially, what I have noticed is that if I want to lead a consistently happy life, I have to actively practice happiness as a way of being and not only as a response to my desired experiences. This doesn’t mean I’ll always get it right and it doesn’t mean that it’ll always be easy (and that’s okay), but the more I make happiness a regular habit the more happiness I’ll experience.

*Image credit to google images

Ramblings…

“Experience life in all possible ways —
good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light,
summer-winter. Experience all the dualities.
Don’t be afraid of experience, because
the more experience you have, the more
mature you become.”

― Osho

Ramblings

What’s there to talk about? The same old thing, the same old stories.
It’s not really “old” though when I really think about it. Every moment is so unique, decorated in its own way, in its own flavor.

I feel like I am going in circles. Chasing something I can’t even describe.
There is this empty feeling I can’t seem to fill.
It isn’t always there, but it’s there, nonetheless.

I want to be happy. Don’t we all? But there are moments where I’m simply not.
Maybe I am ungrateful. And truth is, at times I really am.
I am over trying to cover up the dark side of my self.
Yes. I lie. I cheat. I envy. I hate. I get jealous. I have negative thoughts.
But that’s not all of who I am.
There’s that childish, innocent side. The side that dreams of love, rainbows and peace.
The side that sees no wrong.

There’s also the in between side. Which is a little of everything. That’s who I really am. All of me.

What’s the point of all this I keep asking myself?
What should I live for?
Do I live to chase money so I can buy houses and cars and clothes that leave an impression on people? Regardless of what I do I’ll leave an impression.
What kind of impression do I want to leave? And do I want to impress you or me or a balance of both?
What kind of person do I want to become? What kind of feelings and experiences do I want to be having? How do I even begin to learn what is truly important to me and how not to live to impress others?

I have a hard time answering these questions because I have a long list of “shoulds” implanted in my brain.

According to whose “shoulds” should I live?

I allow too many people to take space in my head and influence my decisions. I feed energy to too many stories.

I also change a lot which makes it hard to even decide on any one thing.
So I am trying to boil it down to experiences and feelings rather than particular details.

Here’s a list:
I want to experience and feel:
Happiness
Pleasure
Peace
Contentment
Confidence
Trust
Fulfillment
Relax
Laughter
Love
Kindness
Belonging
Creativity

Here are some experiences and feelings I want less of:
Fear
Anxiety
Doom
Panic
Hate
Envy
Pity
Lack
Depression
Loneliness
Rush
Confusion

There’s probably a few more I can add to both the lists but this seems enough for starters.

So now that I’ve narrowed what I want to experience and feel more of… how am I going to go about my life to embrace more of those wants?

Good question.

*image credit to google images

No Title

I’m tired of the same old story. Of worn cliches. Of exhausted roads that lead to nowhere new. Particularly tired of airy fairy ideologies that offer no real, tangible, practical direction.

***

There comes a point in time where you just have to see that no one else will live your life but you. You are responsible for your results. And what are you going to do? Stay safe forever and play small because you’re so afraid to try? Scared to be original? To just fucking do it — whatever IT is?

Or perhaps fear isn’t the only demon that haunts you. Perhaps it’s laziness. Lack of motivation. It’s so much easier to just sit back and relax – let the others do the work.  And that’s fine. It’s your life. You can choose to be lazy and let the unexpressed desire eat away at you like a burning acid.

***

Overthinking gets the best of you.

 

Latest Meditations

Meditations:

-You are the one with the answers to your deepest questions. Although you may search for the perspective of others, which can broaden your own, ultimately it is all up to you to decide what is truly best for your path.

-Worrying about the opinions of others makes you insecure and afraid to just stand in your own light. Let it go. Stop worrying about others. Your job is not to make anyone approve of you – your job is to just be and approve of yourself.

-People can’t read your mind. If you want something, say something.

-You have to take action to see results. You can’t just wait around and expect that your dreams will magically fall from the sky. If you want to change something you have to actually take the steps necessary to bring that change into effect. If there is nothing you can do at this very moment, you rest; if there is something you can do at this moment, you do it.

-Complaining drains your energy and doesn’t solve anything. If there is a problem you’re concerned with, focus on the solution. Go straight to the source and express your concerns for the sake of moving forward in a healthy way. Stop wasting energy and time saying the same thing over and over like a broken record.

-Not everyone will like, understand, or accept you. That’s okay. Focus on the people who do. And even if there is no one you can fully count on – count on yourself. You are never alone when you have yourself.

-Be courageous and stand for what you believe in in healthy ways. Kindly and firmly up for yourself. Take actions that will leverage you forward even when they feel scary. Once you begin to move forward you’ll see it’s not so scary – every step will be revealed to you as you move.

-Be patient. Not everything happens instantaneously. Sometimes you have to take one step – wait – one step – wait – one step – wait. Some things are a process. Some things transform faster than others while others may take quite a while. The important thing is that you remain consistent in your part and let the rest fall into place in time.

-Be consistent! You can’t achieve anything great if you do it one day and give up for 5 days. Keep the process. A bucket will eventually overflow when the drips of water are consistent over time.

-Most importantly BE PRESENT. You will miss your whole life if you are running around in your head trying to figure it all out. Be here now. Enjoy this moment. The breeze. The lights. The tastes of food. Whatever it is for you – just experience it. This doesn’t mean “don’t think or analyze at all.” There is a time for everything. There’s a time to think and analyze and figure things out. Thinking steals your life when it’s the only thing you do. Experience your life – don’t be lost in your mind.

-When you feel anxiety breathing deeply really helps. Just focus on your breath and not on anxious thoughts or feelings. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Remind yourself that everything is temporary and that this will pass. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. This will pass.

-You don’t have to try to fit in with others when you know you are clearly different. Be who you are and inspire others. It’s okay to be quirky. It’s okay to be you. There’s enough space for every being. There’s enough space for you to shine. Intelligence conspired together to make the atoms that compose your being. Intelligence inherently knows that your unique expression is needed. You are needed. Be who you are even if it’s different from others. Different is okay. No two atoms are the same. That’s what we need. You.

Trust and Persevere

You don’t always have to know all the answers in order to move forward. It’s tempting to want to figure it all out at once; after all, who doesn’t like the safety of the known? You don’t have to know the exact “how,” you just have to trust that with each step you take the next step will be revealed to you. It is like driving a car in the night whose headlights reveal only the necessary distance forward. The more you proceed, the more of the road is shown.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the things you need to do in order to get to where you want to be, start by just breathing and taking one step at a time. What is one thing you can do that will get you closer to your goal? Once that one thing is done, what is a second thing you can do that will get you closer? What is the third, fourth, fifth action?

Take your time. One day at a time. Trust and persevere.

*Image credit to google images.