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Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

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answers

Reflecting… Out Loud

Who has the answers?
Is it you — girl in the corner twirling a charcoal pencil between your fingers, arched over the sketches of portraits in your high waist jeans and blue 1970’s vest draped over a loosely fitted, eggshell button down shirt?

I woke up from a different version of a dream I had during my childhood:
Jesus comes back and I am left behind.

I see an expansive white light cutting through the fabric of space revealing light shaped figures of men in horses. In the moment it was clear what was separate from the light. And I, left behind, on the other side of the light, suddenly struggled with the realization that I was wrong. I chose wrong. As I frantically fought my way through unfamiliar people and objects in attempt to approach the light to plead that “I didn’t know any better,” my awareness beyond the dream state chimed in saying, “This can’t be right. This has to be a dream.”

WTF…

This week I’ve been contemplating “what’s the point?”

Well. That’s actually a common contemplation of mine.

But it’s more often been in the forefront of my mind the question of “What truly is the point of all this and what is the right answer?” If there is no “right” answer, how do I really know that’s true? How much more right is it to say “There is a right answer” vs. “There is no right answer?” when we don’t have ultimate proof of either.

Sigh.

Let’s talk about psychedelic experiences for a moment. 
Are they real? Or are they simply your brain responding to powerful chemicals? Nothing truly mystical or magical here – only your brain having a response to a disruption in its normal neural circuitry which manifests itself in symptoms like disassociation, distorted vision, distorted sense of time,  blended perception of senses, (seeing colors, tasting sounds), visual hallucinations, among others.  
When we have a psychedelic experience are we tapping into some real, alternate realm? Is there REALLY AND TRULY some other dimension where there are beings of forms beyond the earth existing?
Or is it just your brain making these things up in response to a drug and then people come out of it thinking it’s real when it’s just as fake as a Hollywood movie?

What do you make of the works by Alex Grey?

What is true about the nature of reality?
Do the people who promote the law attraction have it right?
Are we really just energy and we can manifest anything we want into our life simply by becoming a vibrational match?
Sometimes these thoughts scare me. Because if this is true, I am fucked. My thoughts can go to some pretty dark places and the last thing I need is to manifest them into reality.

Co-relation does not mean causation.  

Who really knows whats going on here?
Is it the Scientists? The Christians? The Buddhists? The Quantum Physicists?
Can someone please tell me – why? For what am I here? 
Why is there something rather than nothing?

Does this all truly matter in the end? Or is it truly meaningless? 
Which is it?
What even is “the end?” Is there life beyond this?

If I knew, would I be satisfied with the answer? 
How would I know that I know?

How can I truly know something?

I have my basic senses to guide me. But they’re not enough. There is so much that they do not detect. And my intellect is that of a mere, average human. 

Maybe I’ll never know. What if this “I’ll never know” attitude is what stops me from ever digging to find out? 

Why do I even care?

I wish I didn’t.

I wish I was someone who didn’t care.
Someone who could just live their life in peace. Not feeling the need to seek anything. To know anything. 

Someone like the girl in the corner twirling the charcoal pencil between her fingers.

 

 

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Trust and Persevere

You don’t always have to know all the answers in order to move forward. It’s tempting to want to figure it all out at once; after all, who doesn’t like the safety of the known? You don’t have to know the exact “how,” you just have to trust that with each step you take the next step will be revealed to you. It is like driving a car in the night whose headlights reveal only the necessary distance forward. The more you proceed, the more of the road is shown.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the things you need to do in order to get to where you want to be, start by just breathing and taking one step at a time. What is one thing you can do that will get you closer to your goal? Once that one thing is done, what is a second thing you can do that will get you closer? What is the third, fourth, fifth action?

Take your time. One day at a time. Trust and persevere.

*Image credit to google images.

 

Something Nothing

Why is there something rather than nothing?

There isn’t something rather than nothing – there is both something and nothing eternally existing.

Nothing exists. Something exists.

It isn’t one instead of the other. It is both.

 

Free Thought and Numbers

I see same digits every day without planning to. 1:11, 11:11, 12:12, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 10:10. These are the most common. Which is basically all of them. Except 5:55, which I think I see less of. I always feel happy when I see them. I hear some say that they are messages from the universe. Are they? I don’t know. I would really like it to be.

I don’t know how to really draw the line between what is truly real and what is man made mumbo jumbo. I wish I could know. I really do.

I have trouble at times feeling really confident in any one belief because I feel like everything is always changing. For example, if I believe in this X now, 1 second from now this X is not the same because it’s now one second old – it has changed (even if at a minuscule level) since its original time. So how can I become grounded in any one thing if all things are changing moment by moment?

I hate it. I hate that I get so confused by it all and that I just don’t know it all.

Some say that we should become satisfied with not knowing. Are we giving up by saying it’s enough not to know? If you could know, wouldn’t you want to? I would.
If I had a choice I would choose knowledge.
But that’s my personal choice.

But, of course, until then, I’ll just settle for not knowing. For wondering. For exploring.
For having enough, for now.

THE PROCESS OF BECOMING

Who are you?
Answer: ___________________________

You might answer this question by telling me your name. Your age, cultural background, your social security number, and yada, yada, yada.

But see – that’s not really who you are. That’s information you have acquired from what the external world has determined for you.
You are the awareness of these things.
You are not your name, you are the awareness of your name.
You are not your age, you are the awareness of your age.
You are not your cultural background, you are the awareness of your cultural background.

Get the drift? I hope so.

“So what? So what if I am the awareness of that stuff?”

YAY! Great news, my friend!
Being awareness means that you get to choose your own reality!
It is up to YOU to decide what to accept or reject into your field of awareness.

So the process of becoming is simply asking yourself what are you aware of.
What thoughts are you aware of? Your own? Those imposed on you by others? A little bit of both?

If you realize that you have adopted the thoughts of others rather than your own, this isn’t a bad thing. It isn’t a good thing either. It just IS. This is how we grow – by exchanging ideas with one another.

Things are what they are – things ARE. PERIOD. Whether something is good or bad depends on the preference of the aware being.

So, for instance, the experience of eating chocolate ice cream may be good for me because to my awareness I experience something good from eating it. Someone else, however, may be eating from my chocolate ice cream cup yet have a distasteful experience because to their awareness they experience something bad from eating chocolate ice cream. There is nothing in the particles of chocolate ice cream itself that is coded with “goodness” or “badness” – these types of labeling are judgements of the experiencer based on the effect a particular thing has in combination to their particular being – to their awareness.

So what am I ultimately saying?
– Become YOU.

Do you like chocolate ice cream because YOU like chocolate ice cream or have you come to like chocolate ice cream because people might think you are cool if you eat chocolate ice cream?

Or fill it in this blank:
Do you like ___________ because YOU like _________ or do you like___________ because you believe X person(s) want you to like ___________?

Are you YOU because YOU take pleasure in who you are or are you YOU because of what you believe other people want you to be?
And maybe it’s a combination of both.
It isn’t bad to tag along with what others think is cool – that’s fine – we have words for that: admiration, inspiration, sharing, absorption, learning.
It only becomes a problem when you are not happy with yourself because you are not being true to who you are but are living a life that is decorated by what others want you to be.

When we seek to be what others want us to be, we are seeking approval.
We are seeking approval from others because we have failed to approve of ourselves just as we are. Somewhere along the way we adopted the awareness that “the way I am, as I am, is not good enough.”

Not good enough to whose awareness?

See, as long as to YOUR awareness you are enough, then no matter who tells you “YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH,” this statement will fall flat on its feet – it will have no power over you. It would be the same as a person telling me over and over “chocolate ice cream sucks.” This statement has no power over me because to MY awareness – CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM FUCKING ROCKS!

Be YOU Because YOU like it – whatever it is that you are. And if others like you too – AWESOME – if not, who cares? NOT YOU is all that matters. It is not for their awareness to decide what YOUR AWARENESS KNOWS TO BE TRUE FOR YOU.

YOUR AWARENESS IS ALL THE MATTERS.

Become YOU.
🙂 ❤

1 of Many Rants: Subject: The Holy Bible

If you are religious and are reading this – I’d like to apologize in advance should anything I say here be offensive or hurtful to you. My intention is not to undermine or discredit your beliefs or faith but simply to discuss openly with you. (Smile).

If you think the Bible is the word of God – that’s cool. But it’s incomplete.

Here is why it’s incomplete: It does not have answers to everything – if you think it does – you’re only seeing part of the truth and to see part of the truth isn’t seeing the truth at all.

If you’re reading this, you likely have access to a computer and internet. How did the computer come to be?

The Bible does not teach how to build a computer.
The Bible does not teach us about Wi-fi.
The Bible does not teach us about the complexities of the internet.
The Bible does not teach us about cars.
The Bible does not teach us how to make engines.
The Bible does not teach us why water boils.
The Bible does not teach us how to create a vaccine for chicken pox.
The Bible does not teach us how to run a business.
The Bible does not teach us how to make a cell phone or how to use one.
The Bible does not teach us about chemotherapy.
The Bible does not teach us what is AIDS, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and all the other stuff out there.

I could go on forever about what the Bible doesn’t teach.
But other books do.
Engineering books will teach us how to build machines and how they work. YAY!
Science books will teach us about water, what it consists of and its boiling point (among other things) YAY!
Books on mechanical work will teach us about cars. YAY!
Medical books will teach us about vaccines, chemotherapy, Aids, Gonorrhea and other diseases. YAY!
So if other books explain more than what the Bible explains, why discard them and the knowledge they contain simply because their title isn’t “The Holy Bible?”

We can’t use the Bible as an explanation for everything because it doesn’t explain everything. PLUS!!!!! God’s word (if there is such a thing) would be SO HUGE there wouldn’t be a book big enough to contain it.
God’s true word would be something like: Everything ever uttered and put into its correct context in time and then compiled into a database capable of storing infinite data for all to access!
In other words: God’s word is all the knowledge and existence of all there is — and even THIS isn’t enough to describe it.

We are so much more than what a book can describe.
Our being is so much more than words could express.
We are not limited to a book, even if that book is regarded as holy by people. Just because people accept something as holy does not make it intrinsically holy.
Take water, for instance, if I were to take water apart by separating the hydrogens and oxygen I wouldn’t find the property of “holy” in it simply because a pope has blessed it. But if you would like to regard it as holy – awesome! Do so :). If it works for you, it works for you. But don’t expect a strict scientist to do the same. He doesn’t have to – because interpretations of a thing doesn’t matter either way. Just because a scientist deems something unholy based on his observations also doesn’t make it unholy – because if it’s holy to you – it’s holy. But at the end of the day, whether you think it’s holy or unholy doesn’t matter – because everything just IS. Whatever else you make or call the IS – is totally up to you. We must respect each other’s experiences and points of view in this life.

No concept or idea is sufficient to describe the ALL-NESS that life really is.

YOU ARE NOT LIMITED TO WORDS IN A BOOK.
WORDS IN A BOOK ARE NOT SUFFICIENT TO BE THE FULL TRUTH.
THE MOMENT YOU UTTER A WORD YOU LOSE THE ESSENCE OF WHAT IS BY DEFINING IT.
WHEN YOU DEFINE SOMETHING YOU CONTAIN IT. YOU LIMIT IT TO THE DEFINITION.

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