You could be laying next to someone and still feel lonely. Disconnected. Unloved.
Which I think points to the fact that loneliness and being alone are different.
You could be alone and not feel lonely.
I think I’m being pointed back to the same lesson.
But its taken some time for it to fully sink in.
Sometimes we ignore our hunches.
We know intuitively that something/someone isn’t quite right for us. But we keep trying to make it work. Trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Trying to fit the slipper in the wrong foot. Hoping that maybe just a little more time, just a little more investment will do the trick.
We leave disappointed every time. Tired from unreciprocated efforts.
Eventually someone else comes around and reminds you of how you should be treated. You KNOW the difference. You observe the difference.
They call. They ask about your day. They remember the details. They go beyond.
And then you think to yourself “Oh! Right! That’s exactly how it should feel like!”
And then the sick part of you goes “Why doesn’t s/he do what this person’s doing?”
And if we don’t get out of this mindset fast we start going into the dark hole of “Why aren’t I good enough?” Or “What can I do to win this person?”
Fuck that.
You don’t have to win anybody.
Don’t go on living to try to be enough for someone.
And don’t wait for someone who isn’t all there to make up their mind about you.
Be with someone who is 100% all in.
Who won’t make you feel like you have to convince them that you’re good enough.
Know your worth. Know that you deserve someone who loves you like you love them.
But even then that doesn’t mean you’re permanently free from feeling lonely.
Sometimes loneliness hits even when you have all of that love you crave. Or even when you’re surrounded by people.
But I’ll talk more about that next time.
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