Why reality gotta come and smack me in my face?

I’ve been here, dreaming
Thinking about the magic
Waiting for when the big “surprise” happens. The moment the angels come out from behind the curtains with our loving, hilarious, beautiful God who greets us with all the abundance, love, joy, connection and “joke’s on you” realization. We all melt into peace. We all melt into ecstasy. Into perfect embrace.

But then in busts Reality- cynical, unshaven, holding a ciggarette: “It’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit, kid. There ain’t no magic and it don’t mean shit.”

—

The other day I was sitting at a table having lunch with some people. A woman shared about the children she teaches who believe in Santa Claus. It made me think of all the stuff we’re told when we are little — when we don’t know any better. We watched the Disney movies. We were told about love. We were told about a prince and talking animals.

Then we grow older. We’re told about jobs, money, and “no”. We’re told to sit up straight. Pay attention. Be proper. Chew with your mouth closed.

Then we’re told it’s all a lie – there is no Santa, no tooth fairy, no prince. Reality. It smacks you in the face and blows a cloud of cancer stick smoke into your eyes.

I’m kinda pissed. What am I to believe in at this point?

Yet despite the fact of the matter I cannot help but wonder… is there still magic?

If you figure out how it all works does it stop being magic?
If you can create it and re-create it does it stop being mysterious?

But what even is IT?

I know we give names to what is observable. We’ve learned to identify what we see and feel. We’ve learned how it operates. We’ve learned to manipulate what is so it yields predictable results. But have we actually understood IT itself?

What IS IT?

Idk. I don’t want to get too philosophical today. I think I just wanted to complain just a little.

What would ever be enough?

What would need to come to be in order for us to just be okay? What’s all this doing about anyway? What are we trying to get at?

SIGH.

I gotta believe. I choose to keep having faith.