I just want to lay my head on your chest and rest my arm around you
underneath the stars, on a warm summer evening
while the music plays
where for a moment I feel safe
and that desire for the moment to never change creeps in
I just want to hold on longer, I just want to stay here
To look up and see the light shine from your blue eyes
To feel the gentle rising and sinking of your chest
To forget about the worries, the to do’s
and to just exist next to you.
Some moments are better than others.
I prefer when we’re driving in the car on a sunny day blasting our favorite music on our way to an adventure.
But it’s in the mundane moments when I’m forced to entertain tasks that I rather not be doing that I find true appreciation for my favored moments.
It’s through the cold that I find appreciation for the warmth.
It’s through the dark night that I find appreciation for the day light.
The secret is in being okay with what is. To stop longing for more than what is.
Sure, I rather not have to stand in a long line at the supermarket at a moment when my bladder is full and my stomach is empty making me feel crabby.
Sure, I rather not have to sit in a dentist chair, mouth wide open while sharp metal objects poke at my teeth.
Sure, I rather not have to read 50 pages of a boring chapter in an overpriced textbook the professor chose to assign.
Sure, I rather not have to clean the tomato sauce I accidentally spilled all over the floor also shattering the mason jar it was held in into pieces.
These unsavory moments are also part of life.
Fighting them, wanting to escape, only adds to the uneasy feeling of yearning to be in those moments where it feels like “Ahhhh. Yes. This is it.”
But this is life. And it is both up, down, dark, light, exciting, mundane, and everything in between.
When we were kids we had our parents there to say “No more video games. It’s time to do your homework.” They’d shut off the game, shut off the TV and have your whining, tantrum little self make your way to your desk to get your homework done.
When you didn’t feel like eating your veggies they’d tell you “Nah ah – you gotta eat your veggies.”
When you didn’t feel like waking up in the morning they’d come into your room and make you get up anyway.
When you didn’t want to pick up your toys they’d tell you “Pick up your toys or you can’t play with them next time.”
But now you’re all grown up. No mommy and daddy to tell you “Hey, put down that doughnut and eat your veggies!”
YOU have to be your parent. You have to be your own motivator. Your own guide.
This means that when you don’t feel like going to the gym, that’s when you have to tell yourself “No can do buckaroo, put on those workout clothes, get up, get going!”
This means that when you don’t feel like washing those dishes, you gotta parent yourself saying, “I don’t think so missy/mister – those dishes ain’t gonna wash themselves. Get to it!”
See, it’s not every day that you’re going to feel inspired or motivated to keep up with the tasks necessary to keep your life afloat. But if you want results in any area of your life then CONSISTENCY is key. This means, even when you don’t feel like it – you gotta force yourself to do so. No different than if you were a kid who didn’t feel like doing homework because watching another episode of Spongebob Square Pants would be waaay more interesting.
I know, I get it, you rather be watching Netflix while eating a carton of rocky road ice cream in your pjs rather than running on the treadmill after eating spinach. Me too.
But just because I rather do that doesn’t mean that I should. My parent self has to step in and override the childish, lazy part that just wants to ignore what’s going to take a little more effort out of me.
Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.
It’s not about “feeling like it.”
Stop waiting to fee like it because feelings are not consistent. One day you may feel like it, the next day you might not. That’s too bad. Whether you feel like it or not YOU GOTTA PUSH YOURSELF if you want true results.
Even if you LOVE your job, it’s not every day that you’re going to FEEL like going.
And sure you may call out sick once or twice or take a personal day, but that’s not sustainable on a regular basis.
Not feeling motivated all day every day is normal. We’re human. We get bored. We get lazy. We get into the “I really just don’t feel like doing anything today” mode. And it’s during these times that we have to really go into “robot mode” as I’d like to call it and do shit anyways because it’s in doing that we get results, regardless of whether we feel like it or not.
You’d think it would be easy to be who you really are — but now I realize that it is necessary to assess my own thoughts in order to see which are truly mine and which have been implanted in me by others.
My mother had many fears and many thoughts about the world which she transferred over to me.
“You can’t have sex before marriage, it’s sinful.”
“You have to let your hair grow long because short hair is not desirable.”
“You can’t braid your hair, braids will ruin your hair.”
“You can’t talk to strangers because they will hurt you.”
I understand that her intention was to protect me – she wanted to shelter me from her fears and thoughts about the world.
My mother is not the only one who implanted ideas into my mind. Commercials, movies, stories, books, opinions of others and anything else external to me has had an impact on how I see the world. The outside is dictating how I should see the world suffocating my own ability to think and create for myself.
The point I am making isn’t that we shouldn’t listen to what is outside of us – the point I am making is that we are free to choose what is and isn’t true for ourselves. No one has the power to tell you what and who you are without your own consent.
If I take in the idea “Don’t cut your hair because short hair is undesirable” I limit myself to this idea – which isn’t really true unless I believe it to be so. There are plenty of gorgeous people with short hair – why am I going to limit myself to my mother’s fears of short hair?
I must see that I have the power to decipher what is really true for me.
I must not live by the fears and ideas of others.
I must have my own ideas. I must see the world for myself and through my own eyes, not the eyes of others. This does not mean that others are “wrong” and I am “right” or vice-versa – it’s not about that; it’s about acknowledging and respecting the perspective of others but not losing myself in their picture of the world. I must be able to choose whether or not I think this is really true for me or am I just simply living to impress others.
Am I going with the flow because I believe the flow is suitable for me or am I going with the flow because I am too afraid to swim against the flow? I must not be afraid to swim alone if I have to.
It’s better to be in the pool alone but completely happy than to be in a crowded pool pretending to be happy.
I must not be afraid to become who I am – and I am whoever I want to be.
If I want to have short hair, I must not be afraid to cut my hair because of the beliefs of my mother.
If I want to sell my possessions and go explore the Earth – I must not be afraid to go seek out my wishes simply because others deem it dangerous or unfitting to the norms of society.
I must realize that this is MY LIFE.
MY LIFE GOES ACCORDING TO MY VIEW.
MY LIFE IS MINE.
MY LIFE IS MY OWN. I GET TO SAY HOW I WILL LIVE IT.
I APPRECIATE GOOD ADVICE BUT IN THE END IT IS STILL MY LIFE – IT IS MY STORY TO WRITE.
This is YOUR STORY. Your story is written by you, no one else. You can go with the flow of others but you will always feel like something is missing because you are suffocating your own will to please the crowd.
Don’t suffocate your will for the will of others, unless that is your true will.
KNOW YOUR WILL!
Are you willing something because it was implanted in you – or are you willing something because deep down it is your own true will? FREE WILL COMES WHEN YOU CHOOSE ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN UNIQUE WILL – NOT IN ACCORDANCE TO THE WORLD BUT IN ACCORDANCE TO YOUR FREE WILL.
If I clean my room for the sake of impressing my guests, am I free? If deep down I just want to be lazy and not clean anything – why am I cleaning? So that I could please others and live in accordance to the will of those who say “you must clean your room to impress your guests.”
BE IMPRESSED BY LIFE ITSELF NOT BY A CLEAN OR UNCLEAN ROOM.
If you clean – clean because you want to.
If you dance – dance because you want to.
If you grow your hair – grow it because you want to.
CHOOSE! BECOME YOU – NOT WHO THE WORLD WANTS YOU TO BE.
BE LOVED FOR WHO YOU TRULY ARE WITHOUT HOLDING UP TO THE STANDARDS OF OTHERS.
BE AS YOU WISH TO BE SO THAT THOSE WHO TRULY LOVE YOU WILL LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND NOT FOR WHO YOU HAVE TO BE IN ORDER THAT YOU MAY BE ACCEPTED.
I am also not saying – go do anything you want like kill or rape. If you don’t want your will to be compromised, don’t compromise the will of others either. We must respect all free will. We must respect all of humanity in the process of becoming who we really are.
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