Lately I’ve been swimming in duality pretty hard core.
Holding the full weight of the paradox in my nervous system.
Life and death.
Everything and nothing.
Loving you and hating you.
Holding on and letting go.
I must be able to do both.
I am sitting with complexity. With nuance. Learning to be soft and strong. Open and discerning. Hopeful and wise.
I’ve been naive and delusional. There’s a part of me that still is because deep down I still believe in the magical. In the miracle. In the mystical.
There is this new part that is coming through now. A sage. A mothering spirit. A fierce protector. A guard. A part who is more selective. A part who is more refined. A part who knows how to say “no.” A part who can speak up. A part who is grounded. A part who is solid.
Yet in all of that, still holding this full surrendered letting go. Knowing all too well nothing is guaranteed – not even the next moment. I used to believe my dreams would certainly come to pass. Now, I still believe they will but with the awareness they are not guarantees. It’s all subject to change.
I sit with trust and surrender. I sit with hope and detachment. I sit with anger and understanding. With sadness and awe. With hate and with love. I sit with all of it. It’s like I’ve swallowed the universe whole and it’s ripping through my throat as it goes down past my chest taking bits of me and it sits in my tummy. It’s a painful digest. It’s a painful release. And a beautiful, glorious transformation.
Some moments are better than others.
I prefer when we’re driving in the car on a sunny day blasting our favorite music on our way to an adventure.
But it’s in the mundane moments when I’m forced to entertain tasks that I rather not be doing that I find true appreciation for my favored moments.
It’s through the cold that I find appreciation for the warmth.
It’s through the dark night that I find appreciation for the day light.
The secret is in being okay with what is. To stop longing for more than what is.
Sure, I rather not have to stand in a long line at the supermarket at a moment when my bladder is full and my stomach is empty making me feel crabby.
Sure, I rather not have to sit in a dentist chair, mouth wide open while sharp metal objects poke at my teeth.
Sure, I rather not have to read 50 pages of a boring chapter in an overpriced textbook the professor chose to assign.
Sure, I rather not have to clean the tomato sauce I accidentally spilled all over the floor also shattering the mason jar it was held in into pieces.
These unsavory moments are also part of life.
Fighting them, wanting to escape, only adds to the uneasy feeling of yearning to be in those moments where it feels like “Ahhhh. Yes. This is it.”
But this is life. And it is both up, down, dark, light, exciting, mundane, and everything in between.
You don’t have to be happy all the time.
There are things in life that are sad. There are difficult moments. Frustrating moments.
Yes, it’s freaking sad when you lose people you love. It’s sad when things don’t go well at work. It’s sad when your kids are out of control and you don’t know what to do about it. It’s sad when people betray us, lie to us, leave us. It’s sad when sad things happen.
It’s crazy to think that you must be happy ALL THE TIME.
Sometimes you gotta just cry.
Sometimes you gotta just be like “whoa, my life REALLY SUCKS right now.”
This is called acceptance.
Acceptance of what is.
When you resist whatever emotion or whatever situation is happening in your life you only add to the pain already present.
Acceptance, however, allows you to be present with whatever happens in your life.
If you think you need to be happy ALL the time, then you end up abandoning yourself anytime you don’t feel happy. You run away from your emotions. You tell yourself “Oh, no, I don’t feel happy, so there is something wrong.”
Let me tell you right now, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG!!!!!
Feelings are part of life – ALL FEELINGS. Not just the high vibration, “good” ones, but also the low vibration “bad” ones.
You wanna think about this like music.
There are many instruments. Many tones. Many pitches. Many scales. Can you imagine if there was only high pitches in music!? It would feel empty! It would be missing that bass! That deep, RAWR like sound that just brings it all together like a yummy, wholesome meal!
Lol… “I’m all about that bass, about that bass, no treble” (Meghan Trainor)!
^ *Random!* 🙈
But seriously! We gotta take it all in. We can’t abandon ourselves when we feel sad. If you feel sad, angry, upset, THESE ARE ALL VALID EMOTIONS!
What you wanna do is accept that that’s how you feel. Accept that, damn, things aren’t the best right now – but you know what? It is what it is! And I accept this moment fully, wholeheartedly, just the way it is.
What is powerful about acceptance is that you don’t abandon your feelings when they come up. You just sit there with them and allow them to be without making yourself feel like they are wrong and that you should feel happy, joyful, or whatever else instead.
Naturally, as all things, that emotion will pass. You WILL get to a different point in time where you will feel better. When you DO feel better, that is the time to start thinking about what you wish to change in your life and assess where you want to be and what you want to do.
You will NEVER rid yourself of low moods – (because there is no high without low – the piano is a complete scale!) you will only grow to the point of being able to become less attached, and therefore, able to flow in and out of different emotional states with more ease. You will be able to DANCE to the BEAT of your life! Without blaming, judging, or hating yourself for being and feeling the way you do.
YOU ROCK! YOU ROCK ALL THOSE TONES OF YOUR LIFE! High and low!
Up and down the scale of the piano of your life :)!!
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