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Fantasy

in love

do you ever fall in love with strangers?

and then create a whole fantasy and picture in your mind of what life will look like together?

How you’ll cuddle all night
wake up and stare at each others eyes
in awe, in joy, in complete peace

you wish time would stop moving, because you’re just so cozy, comfortable, and want for nothing

you make the bed and waltz into the kitchen

he plays some good tunes

*sizzle* *sizzle*

eggs on a pan, he comes up behind you and hugs you

you’re wearing his white cotton button shirt

The sun is shining through the window, the birds are chirping

coffee brewing

And you both start swayin’

……

all because he simply said hello

lol

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Fantasy

It’s the middle of the night and I’m fantasizing about living a million different lives…

How I wish I could be a Carrie Bradshaw dressed in Vera Wang, waltzing around the streets of New York City in dazzling high heel shoes. A trace of delicate perfume in the air on a summer evening, headed to a cocktail party with the girls.

Then I fantasize about having an eat, pray, love story in Bali. Barefoot. Mala beads. Light, flowy dress. Cross legged. Smoke of an incense dancing in a small, colorful room decorated with Buddha heads, meditation pillows, and ancient philosophy books sprawled on wooden tables.

Ahhhh

I wish there was time to do it all. To live the different flavors of life. To taste the different vibes. To embody the energy of different realities and get to live it all.

Sigh.

Life’s weird.

~~.~~

Well, let me tell you about my love life.

I’m currently with a man who is sweet,

but it feels like so many parts of me with him are dead.

Like that deep, earthy part that years to get completely submerged in inexplicable love that goes beyond senses.

The part that wants to be fully seen and understood without judgement.

The part that feels comfortable with silence and can rest peacefully in tune with all that is–no wants, no worries, just pure ease and bliss. Like “This is it!”

The part that feels like an embodied woman-sexy, wild, free, shameless. In full feminine energy, embracing her body, her cycles, her perfect imperfections.

The part that feels both like a queen and a little girl. Loved and looked after. Honored and respected.


Lol
am I delusional?

a part of me just thinks I should be happy with what I have. That I shouldn’t “self sabotage” because of some fantasy.

But I can’t help but wonder if maybe…

just maybe… there are still parts of me in the space time continuum that are waiting to mature. Waiting to be unlocked and unleashed. But not just yet. Not right now.

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Do The Damn Thing

Make your suffering count. Pay a price for the life you actually want.


For a long time I have imagined myself as a this great successful person that has helped and touched many lives with inspiring and motivational messages. And then I realized… Oh, I actually have to do something to get to that success. I can’t just sit here on my couch eating McDonald’s expecting Jesus to come down from heaven with a million dollars and a bunch of loving fans for me. I gotta do the damn thing.

And this reality is something pretty scary to face. Whether I fail or succeed is my own doing. I am responsible for my story. I am responsible for what I make of my life. Those chiseled abs I want aren’t just gonna carve themselves. That book I wanna write isn’t just gonna pop into existence. I gotta put in the work. I gotta do the damn thing.

I can fantasize about an abundant, successful career and book but unless I start taking the necessary action and start writing the damn thing it’s never going to come to fruition. It’ll just remain a fantasy.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat here and thought to myself “Oh, I gotta start working on that book.” It’s been over 5 years that I’ve had that thought. And how many pages have I written? 0.

Thoughts and dreams are wonderful things to have. But only actions have actual credibility in the real world.

We have to get honest with ourselves and see what are the actions necessary to create what we want to create and whether or not we are truly willing to put in the sacrifice to make it happen. Even if we are creating something we truly love and are truly passionate about there will still be hard work involved. There will still be a price to pay. There will still be effort and energy to exert. That’s just life.
Even the basic activities in life require energy and effort – like getting out of bed, brushing our teeth, making breakfast, etc…  so why would it be any different when it comes to creating the life and success we know we want to achieve? It’s not different. It’s going to take real effort. It’s going to be painful and really difficult at times – but it’ll be worth it because it’ll bring into existence the results you actually want. So make your suffering count! Suffer for the thing you actually do want and stop suffering for the things you don’t.

*Image credit to pinterest

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No Apologies

Why must I apologize for the way I feel? For the way I think? I am not a murderer or a thief. I just want to kiss mouths and travel the world. I just want to have my own opinions and say “I prefer red” when the flamboyant waiter says “we have a large selection of white wines.”

I am a dreamer and I adore my fantasies. I am awake because I must be.

Let’s ride this unicorn and have wild hair. Let’s breath underwater and dubstep on crashing waves.

Will you meet me in my dreams? Where we can be anything and do everything unapologetically. This linear world is getting old.

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