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Buck wild

I think it’s time I go buck wild.

Intentionally, mindfully.

Post the content. Take the trip. Tell the neighbor he is so damn hot it should be illegal to be that hot.

We’re all dying…time and space just hasn’t caught up yet.

Don’t waste your life freaking out. Worrying about things that life will sort out anyway in time – believe that. Even if you don’t know the way forward, don’t you worry darling, life does. Life does.

So dance. Love. Laugh. Smile. Do a nice little thing for the next person.

You matter. You’re magnificent.



I don’t want to live some boring life, pay some bills and die.

Nah… I want to send little messages out in the world to SAY YOU ARE MAGIC.

I want to dance on the sidewalk, drink a little too much wine on a Wednesday night and wake up early anyway to go to yoga. I want to book a random flight to Italy. Get a tattoo in Bali. Drive across the country and scream “I LOVE YOU” to the stars out of the car window. I want to tip the barista a little too much just because. Hey, I’ll even text my ex. BUCK WILD BABY BUCK WILD!!!

Dream Vs Reality

The dream feels so much better than the reality.

And as a dreamer, I just want to live in the fantasy.

I want to live in the Ether.
I want to be in the lightwave.

This morning I was walking the neighborhood towards the beach,

The temperature felt perfect.

The air felt sweet and filled deeply in my lungs.
I felt a juicy sense of peace.

“This.” I thought. This is how we are meant to be feeling.

Not rushing around trying to make ends meet.

Not feeling like we are worried about resources,
afraid we won’t have money.

We are meant to be LIVING.
We are meant to be provided for because the Earth already provides all we need.

The Earth grows our food freely.
The Earth grows the resources we need for our homes.

The Earth gave us the animals,
it gave us EACH OTHER.

We should be caring for each other.
Working as a way to contribute to our well-being and good.

WTF is all this extra non-sense?

I’m not having it.

We can be so dulled down by the way society has beaten us into a reality we may not be that excited to wake up to.

We are doing it.

We should live with deep sighs of relief. With peace in our hearts. With health pulsating through our bodies. Yet we are tense, afraid, rushing, stressed. WTF is that about?

We should have time for each other. Time for our babies. Time for simply living. Our energy is so poorly allocated. We are working to raise money to pay rent which is a never ending cycle when the Earth has already provided the materials but capitalism won’t stop running you down. It infuriates me.

I know something is off here. And I am going to do something about it. Even if it’s just write you this message. “Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.”

Earthling

The Earth provides all we need
Never does it charge us anything for it

Never does the mango tree say to thee “That’ll be $1”
Never do the berry bushes tell you that’ll be “$4.99 plus tax”.

It is the Earth that provides the trees which you turn to housing

We are born of the Earth. Naked.

Food doesn’t come from the grocery store – food comes from the Earth.
You don’t come from a corporation, you come from the Earth. Naked.

Somewhere along the process of evolution, humans invented money to facilitate the exchange of goods and services. Somewhere along the way the purpose of money became severely distorted. We now WORK FOR MONEY. It’s absurd.

Our work is contribution. Work is meant to be a means to provide for one another. To care. To share. To collaborate. To co-create. For our pleasure, good, and enjoyment. NOT FOR MONEY.

Our energy is poorly allocated. We are working to pay bills. What a terrible idea. Our systems are meant to serve us. Our systems should be to support our well-being, provision and good. Not to trap us in silly little jobs that we have created to perpetuate this money game that has become out of control.

So many are stuck in their ego – still needing to awaken and mature. People wanting to acquire for the sake of showing off. For the sake of “proving” something. You prove nothing by perpetuating a broken system. You prove that you are blind and lost in your ego. You prove that you have been bought by the game of money and have forgotten the actual point of life.

I don’t want to capitalize over the head of my brother, my sister, my family, my friends. Why would I want to enslave you? Perpetuate a system that is keeping mothers from their children? Forcing people into work for the sake of money when the system of work is meant to be a system of co-operation and contribution for the sake of HAVINGNESS.

We have put our security on money – when the security belongs when we can be in connection to each other. When we can create systems that leaves no one behind because HAVINGNESS is all there is.

THE EARTH HAS ALREADY PROVIDED.

THE LAND IS FREE. YOU, MAN, HAVE PUT A PRICE ON THE LAND WHICH HAS NEVER CHARGED YOU A PENNY FOR IT TO PROVIDE FOR YOU.

How dare you place a price on this Earth? How dare you put a price on the land? How dare you turn this place into a pit of competition?

People in cars driving to jobs they hate for money. Abandoning their families. Crying in lunch breaks. Depression. Anxiety. Suicides. Polluting the Earth. We can do better.


Liberated

I’ve been liberated by 4 words
“You don’t have to”

AHHHH… just breathe that in for a moment.
You. Don’t. Have. To.

You don’t have to do anything, be anything, get anything.

You don’t have to “make it”
You don’t have to be popular
You don’t have to have friends
You don’t have to be liked
You don’t have to be polite
You don’t have to say the right things
You don’t have to get out of bed
You don’t have to pay your bills
You don’t even have to be here
You don’t have to apologize
You don’t have to be happy
You don’t have to care
You don’t have to anything
You don’t have to make more money
You don’t have write the best book
You don’t have to be beautiful
You don’t have to be attractive
You don’t have to be nice
You don’t have to entertain anyone
You don’t have to

telling myself these words makes my shoulders relax
it makes me sigh with relief
it takes all the pressure away

I don’t have to do any of the things I thought I did in order to become someone or something. I don’t have to impress the world. I don’t have to achieve anything to say and prove something about me to someone. I don’t have to. I don’t have to do any of it.

And now with all the pressure off – I can decide freely what and who I wish to be.

Trust

The other day I heard myself say, “Perhaps, after all, there is no magic.”

My heart broken at the thought of a meaningless universe.

I’m holding my breath in anticipation that everything will turn around and the sneaky suspicion that there is something beautiful here for us is going to finally reveal itself and it will all make sense. All the pain, the hardships, the sadness, the difficult times — it will all be for a good and greater purpose.

I gotta trust. I gotta keep believing.
I gotta keep having faith even when I want to collapse instead.

So I pick up the pieces of my wounded little soul and wipe the tear off my cheek. I remind myself I am a warrior. I am strong. I am capable. I am resilient. I am here for a reason.

If only I could stop playing small. If only I could release all this dirt from my DNA and re-wire, re-program, re-code myself into the light. Calibrate myself into the frame of existence where I own my world. I own my reality. I’m not lost or afraid or feeling out of control. Defeated.

So much energy spent on processing nonsense. On being in “Woe is me” mentality. Sulking. Complaining. Drowning in this muck. Giving my power away. Feeling like the forces that are trying to sink me are so much greater than me. Gasping for hope.

WHERE ARE YOU GOD? Were you ever even there?

What is this? Who am I? Why am I in this constant state of dis- ease when I KNOW deep down in my bones there is so much more than that. Yet I can’t seem to tap into it. I can’t seem to cross over.

I keep reaching, reaching, reaching — falling back down.
Reaching, striving, reaching, reaching — falling further down in quantum quicksand.

sizufdhgidhfgidhfbodhf. It angers me. Annoys me. I can’t get away from me. 24/7 stuck in this body which in truth I love so much. “I love you.” I whisper to myself. “I care.” “I’m here.” “I’m listening.”

I sink deeper into my body. Craving ecstasy, freedom, boundless unity and mass expansion. I want to melt into the nothing. I want to become one with the ethers. I want to be free.

Purpose

For a moment I closed my eyes and I could see it…
True peace
True health
True well-being
Safety

A deep knowing of it all being okay
Feeling connected
Cared for
Loved

This is how we should be living

Not in fear, scarcity, pay-check to pay-check

There are moments where I feel so much certainty over the plan of God over our lives.
That we are meant to be well. We are meant for havingness, abundance, freedom, joy, connection, love, peace. This is where we are meant to be living from.

Deep down I feel like I know this to be true to my core.

I can hear it in the music.
I can picture it in my mind.

Why have we gone so astray?

I feel so small in the face of it all. It’s so noisy sometimes I can’t find who I am. I can’t hear my own voice. I can’t tell if you’re really there.

God I thought you were real. I thought you were there. I thought you cared. I thought we mattered. Don’t let the world suffer.

Exist

“This world is full of shit, you live and then you don’t exist”
https://soundcloud.com/spacejesus/exist-feat-shape


There’s this battle going on inside me
There’s this version of me that is trying to birth to life

She is such a badass leader
She speaks her mind
She claims what she wants
She inspires the world
She says it like it is
She calls out the bullshit
She leads for the good of the people
For protection of the land
For nature
For peace
For love
For joy
For abundance
For freedom
For health

She reminds you of your calling
She calls you out when you’re playing small
She pulls the small out of you and helps you see your BIGNESS
Your power
Your worth
Your potential

She isn’t afraid to fully express herself
To learn, to be willing to listen and admit where she is wrong
To confess when she fails and errs
To apologize for her humanity and do better next time and mean it
To come back stronger
To be kind

and then…

There is another version that is like, why do you even want to do that for?
Can’t you just be a normal person?
No one cares anyway

Just be normal and live a normal life and stop with this dilusion

What is it all for anyway?
Plus, why do you have to be so intense?
Why can’t you just do and be something simple?
Why does it have to be this grandiose thing?
Why does it have to be some life altering purpose, rather than some simple basic thing?

It won’t even matter in the end anyway.
——————————————
I don’t know, even writing this feels stupid.
_____________________________________

We exist.

What is it all for?

What are we doing here?

Some days I get tired of it all.
I get lost in it all.

I just want a simple life and for things to be good. Why is it so complicated to just live simply and in peace, health and joy? To have a good time and enjoy this experience.

Don’t you want the same?

Then why don’t we come together to create it.

——–

Perhaps it’s all to do with the inside rather than out.

But no… it’s kinda both.

You gotta have both.

Endings

Everything comes to an end. Everything.

It’s all temporary.

And learning to manage all these changes is a bitch. No sooner do we form an attachment do we have to let go.

Let go of friendships. Places. People. Status. Things. Youth. Life itself.

Sometimes we never know when the end will come. It happens abruptly. Other times it’s a slow fade.

But either way it is enevitable.

I’m bringing this to awareness not so much to sulk about change, loss and endings but more so to learn to truly appreciate every moment.

To learn to build maturity around attachment. To learn to have healthy coping mechanisms around endings. To learn to freely let go without a fight, without scrambling to hold on.

Every moment is anew, nothing is ever the same. Everything is change and I accept it with love.

 

Have Both

You brought back the color I have hidden in boxes, suit cases and long forgotten storage bins.

I’m feeling hopeful again.

I know now I can find balance.

That it doesn’t have to be one or the other.

I don’t have to make a choice.

I don’t have to deny this free spirit, wild, earth, life loving hippie in me in order to be respected and wildly successful in the world.

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