I wanna tell you about the level of pissed I am.
In part at myself. For settling for less than I deserve in every fucking area of my life.
I am no longer interested in fucking pretending.
I am no longer interested in smiling when I do not feel like it.
FUCK YOU AND FUCK THAT,
I am no longer interested in spending my time with people who don’t make me feel good.
If you make me feel shitty – If I have to second guess why I’m spending time with you, and if your company adds no value to my life – BYE.
I’m tired of giving second chances. Of being “NICE.”
NO MORE “NICE.”
No more pretending.
Honestly – YES YOU DO LOOK FAT IN THAT FUCKING UGLY ASS DRESS.
Don’t ask me for my opinion then if you don’t wanna hear it.
I am SERIOUSLY tired of walking on eggshells because YOU are too FUCKING sensitive.
GROW SOME BALLS. and then come talk to me.
I realize I am really upset in this moment.
I’m upset because of my own self.
Because I’ve allowed the external to rock my internal.
I am still learning to manage my internal world.
I also override my intuition at times.
I get a feeling and I override it as so to be “logical” and give the “benefit of the doubt” because you need all “the facts” before “jumping to conclusions.”
When you know, you know and then eventually just break your face when what you already knew hits you in the face.
There’s just a lot of angry, upset, energy coming out from me right now.
But it’s not so much directed at the world.
But it’s directed at me.
But not in a mean way.
But more in a wake up call kind of way,
It’s like here is all this anger, and why do I feel it?
Well… Because I’ve been betraying myself by not being REALLY TRUE and HONEST.
Because I have to follow society’s standard of POLITENESS and bullshit.
What’s more important being polite or being honest?
I guess going forward I want to try to be POLITELY HONEST.
I’m just sick and tired of feeling like I have to walk around eggshells over people’s feelings.
I don’t even know what I’ll title this post.
I’m not even gonna edit it.
It’s just going to exist here.
Probably one of the posts I’ll cringe at at a later date.
I don’t even want to check for grammar at this point.
Just going to leave this here as a big ol’ mess.