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Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

Tag

knowledge

I Don’t Know

The truth is that I don’t know.

Everywhere I look there is someone claiming knowledge.

But what do I know? Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.

There is so much information. And my barely average intellect can’t even begin to comprehend.

And it leaves me frustrated.

To survive in this world I have to submit myself to work. To provide some sort of service in exchange for credits (a.k.a money, a.k.a physical representation of energy exchange) that I can then use as leverage to obtain other goods and services.

I’m over it. I really don’t fucking care. Why do I have to participate?

I hope the atheists are right – that when you die nothing happens. Because FUCK having to do more stuff after all the stuff I’ve already done.

I don’t want to deal with reincarnation and all other kinds of bullshit. I don’t want to fucking participate in this charade of existence.

It’s nonsense and I don’t care.

Or maybe I do care.

I don’t know.

I just get into these spaces sometimes. These spaces where I really just don’t give a fuck. And then there’s this part of me that feels bad for confessing this because some of you will judge me saying “How could you say such a thing? Life is precious. Don’t be selfish. Don’t think like this. Don’t be negative.”

FUCK THE FUCK OFF.

Let me have my thoughts — you go ahead and have yours.

No. I don’t always think like this. But sometimes I do. And I don’t think it’s bad that I do. I actually at times really do think that not existing is better than existing.

If I didn’t exist I wouldn’t even have to think about whether or not existence or non-existence is better – I WOULDN’T EXIST SO IT WOULDN’T FUCKING MATTER — isn’t that blissful?!

I think it’s fucking blissful.

All this bullshit about good, bad, ugly, beautiful, existence, non-existence, is all a matter of discussion for those who exist and have some kind of a brain to ponder and reflect upon existence. But honestly, I could do without it. And I don’t care if that sounds negative to you.

I mean… suppose there really is some grand fucking purpose to life and it’s some beautiful ass fucking shit… cool? Then what? I don’t get it.

I enjoy the black screen. Those nights when I’m asleep and it feels as If I don’t even exist. I don’t see a need to come back to this bullshit and do things and talk to people and play fucking pretend.

There’s a part of me who feels she needs to apologize for saying the above. But not because I really feel bad for saying it, but because I feel bad for being judged for saying it.

These are my thoughts, though. And why should I hide them?

I don’t really know what the point of this post is. Which I guess brings it all back full circle.

I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know what the point of all this is. I’m just going along with the system I was born into and trying to do the best with the limited knowledge that I have.

I have a lot to be grateful for. Things could have been much worse for me than they are. Things also could have been much better too, on the other hand. But either way I am who I am and I’m doing my best with what I have.

Some days are better than others. Some days it even feels like it all makes sense.

But other days, I just don’t give a fuck.

But honestly, I just don’t know.

I’m having doubts about sharing this – which is something that never really happens since Reflect Out Loud has always been about me sharing my raw thoughts in a more tangible format.

But I’m gonna share it anyway.

Fuck it.

YOLO, I guess…

I don’t know.

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Knowledge Over Time

I’m back. To complain.

Wanna know something else that annoys me?

The fact that over time facts change. I spend hours and hours learning a new concept but as time unfolds new information cancels out the old information. So I spent all this time learning this bullshit only to have to learn new bullshit because the old bullshit became irrelevant, outdated news.

FML.

That is all for today.

Truth

I don’t know what the truth is. I think that’s what scares me.

I don’t really know why I’m here.

Or what the point of all this is.

I have theories. Ideas. Strong beliefs. But no absolute certainty. No true knowledge. No REAL absolute, undeniable, unarguable  fact.

I don’t want to end up in suffering.

I want to end up in peace.

and I wish I knew for certain that the destination is peace.

So I don’t have to worry now.

So I don’t have to fear.

So I don’t have to wonder.

Or doubt.

 

Is there life after death?

What even is death, really?

How could the living speak on an experience they haven’t had?

Too many questions and no real answers.

Whatever though.

There’s so much going on in the world. What’s really going on? Does anybody know? Or are we all in for a big surprise?

Could it be true that life’s a magical place filled with wonder and that something truly beautiful awaits us? All of us?

Could it be that it’s all a matter of time before it all makes sense and we can fall into the arms of bliss?

I don’t know.

Or maybe it never ends up making sense.

I don’t know.

Whatever.

 

 

YOU CAN DO IT

There is no point in crying or being sad about not having enough knowledge in a subject or about not being skilled enough in a particular field. I mean, if you want to go be sad about it for two seconds – fine, mope if need be. But don’t stay stuck feeling sorry for yourself for too long because it just doesn’t serve you in any good way. If you realize there is something you aren’t good at, say math, for instance – feeling ashamed or bad for yourself isn’t going to help you improve your math skills. Instead, buy a book on basic math principles. Go on YouTube and type in “math for beginners.” Reach out to friends who can help. Reach out to tutors and teachers. Do something that will actually help you improve your skills rather than sit there and feel like a moron. You’re not a moron. You have the capability to learn anything you put your mind to. Be patient with yourself as you learn a new skill. You didn’t learn to walk and talk in a day, so don’t expect to be an expert at any one thing in a day. Take your time to learn at your own pace and in your own way. Don’t worry about what other people are doing and how much more or less they know compared to you. Focus on you. Focus on the skill you want to improve without comparing yourself to anyone else.
Know that…
You can learn.
You can improve yourself.
You can accomplish your goals.
You are intelligent.
You are capable.

So less moping and complaning and more searching and learning ;).

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