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Just For Fun

“When you finally have a last look at your life you don’t want to then realize you’ve done everything while forgetting to have fun.” – Laura Gonzaga 

Go out into the world and do what lights you up. Go ahead and do the things that bring you joy. Do them not because you want some kind of reward or recognition, do it simply for the pleasure the activity brings you. Rewards and recognition may or may not come, and this shouldn’t be the reason to stop you from just doing what you enjoy.

I really love to draw, but I have no real artistic talent. I can’t draw a beautifully realistic picture, and even my stick figures come out funny. I can imagine deeply creative work in my head, I just don’t have the skills to translate my vision using my hands on pen and paper. But I draw my “crappy” art work anyway! I do it just because it’s fun. I do it just because I enjoy it.

What is it that you like to do but have been putting off because you’re too afraid you’re not skilled enough?

Go do it!
Sing if you love to!
Dance if you love to!
Draw if you love to!
Bake if you love to!
Make crafts if you love to!
Write if you love to!

Don’t worry about whether you’re great at it or who is better than you, do what you like to do simply because it lights you up! Everything else will follow from there :)!

Here’s my art below!  🙂 It’s called “Never too late.” Because indeed, it’s never too late to just do something you love because you love it and just for fun.

image

A Prayer For The Suffering

A Prayer for the Suffering

God. Life. Universe. Energy. Higher power. Source. Whatever, if anything, is out there help those who suffer. All who suffer, may their pain be removed. May peace reign on Earth. May health abound. May food abound. May joy abound. May peace abound. May hearts be whole and minds tranquil. Awaken our hearts and mind. Liven our spirits. May humanity prosper in love. Love come over us and wash away the pain.
Love come over us and wash away the hurt.
Shine light on our consciousness.
Bring peace to our homes.
Love we welcome you.
Love may you reign.
Help us. Help us.
Let love reign.

In love, may it be so. Amen. Amen.

Some Reasons We Hold On

We hold on and on. Like glue we hold. So strong, so strong. This record, yet scratched, never gets old. 

We hold on because it’s comfortable. It’s familiar. I’s safe. We’ve known this for so long that letting go of it now is almost like cutting off an arm or something. It’s become so part of us  – so part of our identity.

We hold on because we love. We want to keep what we love for as long as physically possible.

We hold on because we have no motivation to seek any better. We settle for what we have because it’s good enough, easy enough, simple enough.

We hold on because we are scared. We fear that if we let go then we will never find a replacement.

We hold on because it feels good, even when it hurts. Like massaging a sore back after a long day of work.

We hold on because it interests us. It increases our status in some way. It rubs our ego.

We hold on because we want to show an image to the world. What’s more important than keeping up with the Kardashians? Duh.

We hold on because there’s a mutual benefit. Something to learn. Something that nourishes our souls.

We hold on because we want to be supported. We don’t want to feel alone.

We hold on because we feel like it. And feeling is always sufficient reason.

John

I will tell you about John.

John is a good guy. He walks around trying to do the “right thing.” He smiles at people hoping people will smile back. He yearns to connect; he yearns to be accepted and to accept back.

John loves all people. Even people with three or four heads and eyes. Even purple people, blue people, orange people and invisible people.
John is very curious.
John is scared sometimes because he doesn’t like pain. But he does like it when the nurse comes along and rubs alcohol on his boo-boo. It makes him feel loved. Like someone cares about his well-being.

John likes to play. He wishes he could play all day. He wishes he could climb trees and pretend he is a pirate looking out into the ocean for some loot and new found land.
But there is a thing called “job” he has to do.
John doesn’t necessarily dislike the idea of a job – he understands how important functions are to a well operating society. What John doesn’t like is when he is forced to play roles he doesn’t feel comfortable playing.

John wants to walk around the world and give everyone little paper hearts because he wants people to remember how to love.
John wants people to know how to see not just with the eyes, but with their whole entire being.

John gets angry sometimes. He gets angry when the world expects him to be more than what he already is. It is not that John doesn’t want to be more – or “expand” as he would call it, it’s that John wants the freedom to grow at his own pace.

John doesn’t like when he is corrected in a condescending way.
John wants to be the best John he can be and wants to be spoken to in a loving manner, not in a punishing manner.

John is tired now.

I will share more about him another day.

Trust Yourself

There are so many people out there saying so many different things that it can become really overwhelming sometimes. One particular type of statement that really gets on my nerves is the one that sounds something like: “It’s not this, but THIS.” The problem with this kind of statement is that sooner or later someone else will just say the exact opposite: “No, It’s not ‘THIS,’ but THAT!”
People will always have something to say about life and how it should or shouldn’t be, but at the end of the day it’s not their place to tell you what you should do or how you should live.
Only you have the power to decide what to do with your life and in which direction to stir it.

Instead of asking what others want from you or what they think you should do, start consulting your own being. Next time you get an urge to ask your friends what they think you should do, stop for a moment and look inside yourself and ask your very own self: “Hey, [speak your name], do you think I should do this?” Start to look within your own self and trust your decisions. Everyone has an opinion, and YOUR opinion is just as valid.

Trust your intuition. Trust the feelings that are guiding you. Let your own person shine. Let your ideas flow. Stop worrying about earning the approval of others and begin to approve yourself.

Every day tell yourself these words:
I am enough.
I approve myself.
I accept myself as I am.
I am capable of making my own choices.
I trust my own being.
I believe in myself.
I believe I will succeed.

Let your own voice be heard. Free yourself from needing the validation of others and start looking to yourself for validation. It can be tempting to want others to pat our backs so that we can feel we are accepted and belong, but once you start to accept yourself it will not matter who is for or against you because you will have everything you need – YOU.

Only YOU can walk your path and only YOU are living your life.
Your life does not belong to your friends.
Your life does not belong to your family.
Your life belongs to YOU – and YOU are the author of your story.
Be free to live your life according to your liking without fear of the judgement of others.
As long as you are not hurting yourself or others, there is no reason to be afraid of being yourself.
YOU ARE FREE TO BE YOU!

Becoming who I am

You’d think it would be easy to be who you really are — but now I realize that it is necessary to assess my own thoughts in order to see which are truly mine and which have been implanted in me by others.

My mother had many fears and many thoughts about the world which she transferred over to me.
“You can’t have sex before marriage, it’s sinful.”
“You have to let your hair grow long because short hair is not desirable.”
“You can’t braid your hair, braids will ruin your hair.”
“You can’t talk to strangers because they will hurt you.”

I understand that her intention was to protect me – she wanted to shelter me from her fears and thoughts about the world.

My mother is not the only one who implanted ideas into my mind. Commercials, movies, stories, books, opinions of others and anything else external to me has had an impact on how I see the world. The outside is dictating how I should see the world suffocating my own ability to think and create for myself.

The point I am making isn’t that we shouldn’t listen to what is outside of us – the point I am making is that we are free to choose what is and isn’t true for ourselves. No one has the power to tell you what and who you are without your own consent.

If I take in the idea “Don’t cut your hair because short hair is undesirable” I limit myself to this idea – which isn’t really true unless I believe it to be so. There are plenty of gorgeous people with short hair – why am I going to limit myself to my mother’s fears of short hair?

I must see that I have the power to decipher what is really true for me.
I must not live by the fears and ideas of others.
I must have my own ideas. I must see the world for myself and through my own eyes, not the eyes of others. This does not mean that others are “wrong” and I am “right” or vice-versa – it’s not about that; it’s about acknowledging and respecting the perspective of others but not losing myself in their picture of the world. I must be able to choose whether or not I think this is really true for me or am I just simply living to impress others.

Am I going with the flow because I believe the flow is suitable for me or am I going with the flow because I am too afraid to swim against the flow? I must not be afraid to swim alone if I have to.
It’s better to be in the pool alone but completely happy than to be in a crowded pool pretending to be happy.

I must not be afraid to become who I am – and I am whoever I want to be.
If I want to have short hair, I must not be afraid to cut my hair because of the beliefs of my mother.
If I want to sell my possessions and go explore the Earth – I must not be afraid to go seek out my wishes simply because others deem it dangerous or unfitting to the norms of society.

I must realize that this is MY LIFE.
MY LIFE GOES ACCORDING TO MY VIEW.

MY LIFE IS MINE.

MY LIFE IS MY OWN. I GET TO SAY HOW I WILL LIVE IT.
I APPRECIATE GOOD ADVICE BUT IN THE END IT IS STILL MY LIFE – IT IS MY STORY TO WRITE.

This is YOUR STORY. Your story is written by you, no one else. You can go with the flow of others but you will always feel like something is missing because you are suffocating your own will to please the crowd.

Don’t suffocate your will for the will of others, unless that is your true will. 

KNOW YOUR WILL!

Are you willing something because it was implanted in you – or are you willing something because deep down it is your own true will? FREE WILL COMES WHEN YOU CHOOSE ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN UNIQUE WILL – NOT IN ACCORDANCE TO THE WORLD BUT IN ACCORDANCE TO YOUR FREE WILL.

If I clean my room for the sake of impressing my guests, am I free? If deep down I just want to be lazy and not clean anything – why am I cleaning? So that I could please others and live in accordance to the will of those who say “you must clean your room to impress your guests.”

BE IMPRESSED BY LIFE ITSELF NOT BY A CLEAN OR UNCLEAN ROOM.

If you clean – clean because you want to.
If you dance – dance because you want to.
If you grow your hair – grow it because you want to.

CHOOSE! BECOME YOU – NOT WHO THE WORLD WANTS YOU TO BE.
BE LOVED FOR WHO YOU TRULY ARE WITHOUT HOLDING UP TO THE STANDARDS OF OTHERS.

BE AS YOU WISH TO BE SO THAT THOSE WHO TRULY LOVE YOU WILL LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND NOT FOR WHO YOU HAVE TO BE IN ORDER THAT YOU MAY BE ACCEPTED.

I am also not saying – go do anything you want like kill or rape. If you don’t want your will to be compromised, don’t compromise the will of others either. We must respect all free will. We must respect all of humanity in the process of becoming who we really are.

Becoming The Change

Be the change you wish to see in the world” – Gandhi

I sometimes get caught up in trying to change the world and forget that the change needs to happen in me. Sometimes I worry too much thinking I must teach kindness and teach love and teach peace, all the while forgetting that I must first BE kind, BE loving and BE at peace (or whatever else I wish to see) and then the rest will follow.

The Bible has a nice quote that says: “To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure.” (Titus 1:15). You can interpret this is many ways. The way I like to interpret it is: If my intentions are pure and if my perceptions and actions stem from a place of innocence, then all that I see/perceive/intake/experience/observe/feel/etc, will consequently be pure because the lens through which I observe and engage with the world is not a lens of malice but a lens of innocence. I must be like a child – despite having developed the physical form of an adult and having undergone numerous life experiences, I must continue carrying an innocent heart, becoming a living testament of purity despite my moments of flaws. As long as I am human I am subject to failure — and that’s ok because infallibility is not a property of humanity. It is not my perfect acts that will make me pure at heart (because I can do everything right in action yet in my heart I may hide my intention of doing right for mere approval or for the desire of praise or for whatever other motive) — a pure heart is pure because in it abides no malicious intentions — but should such intentions creep in (and believe me, they do all the time), our good and faithful friend, the mind, can help the heart be guided back to its pure, innocent state.

It’s only natural for the heart to be presented with what exists – all the possibilities for good and all the possibilities for bad. It is then up to me, a conscious and aware being, to ultimately decide what I will harbor within me.

AS OF THIS MOMENT, I AM NO SO CALLED “SAINT” LIVING IN SO CALLED “HEAVEN.” I AM A SO CALLED “HUMAN” LIVING ON SO CALLED “EARTH.” 

Sometimes I can be judgmental as hell.
I say or think things like:
“People are rude and need to change.”
“Some people are so disrespectful, boy, I tell ya! I just want to smack some sense into them!”
“Look at these freaking hypocrites, man, no morals.”
“Ugh, I can’t stand these damn politicians, so crooked.”

I even judge myself at times.
“I am so irresponsible! I am constantly late to work.”
“I can never do anything right.”
“I am so out of shape. I have to be more disciplined.”
“I am so dumb. I will never get anywhere in this life.”

All these thoughts, all these mean, condemning words I have allowed to abide in me have become basis for my perception. I have allowed my mind to be receptive to and my heart to feel that these negative words and thoughts I profess are real and true. I have allowed my inner space to be infiltrated by negative conclusions. (I am using the word “negative” here for lack of a better word… I can’t think of a more appropriate word right now to refer to the “yuckiness” I have allowed to abide in the space of my being).

I must be the change. If the change does not happen within me, even if everyone else in the world has already changed, I will not see it or realize it because the filter of my perception is set to the channel of malice and not the channel of innocence. The moment that I change my perception, inevitably my world will change. But it can’t be a half-assed change – it has to be fully real.
I can fool my spectators and become like an actor in the theater who plays the role of a hero, but I cannot deceive myself in thinking I am truly the hero I know I am pretending to be.
I must truly embody that which I wish be.

If I want peace – I must be in tune with peace.
If I want patience – I must be in tune with patience.
If I want kindness – I must be in tune with kindness.
If I want understanding – I must be in tune with understanding.
If I want innocence, I must be in tune with innocence.

How could I experience peace if I am in tune with war?
How could I experience understanding if I am in tune with ignorance?

I must channel my experience.

I must be that which I wish to see.

Once I am that which I wish to see, it will not matter if someone says to me: “Psst. Hey. Look. See that rude, greedy, lustful, prideful, cheating, lying, phony, unworthy person? Look how terrible he or she is!”  Because the moment I am what I wish to see, when I look out at the world I will not see rude, greedy, lustful, prideful, cheating, lying, phony, unworthy, terrible people. Instead, I will see kindness, sharing, sincerity, humility, honesty, truth, reality, worthiness, wonderful, people. Additionally, I will see love. I will see friendship. I will see compassion. I will see forgiveness. I will see understanding. I will see beauty. I will see life. I will see perfection.
I could then respond saying. “Hm. I hear what you are saying. I do not deny the existence of your claims but I do not see it as you see it because in the space of my being I have made the conscious choice to abide in perception of the good, the beautiful, and the blameless, because that is how I wish my world be.”

I am not denying the existence of the bad, the ugly and the guilty.
Let what IS – BE.

I accept all that IS, and as a conscious, aware being, I choose to embrace, be, perceive and act through that which is good.  May in goodness I abide and be.
_____________________________________________________________

BUT TO RAP UP THIS DISCUSSION FOR NOW….

I am not saying “Let’s be passive about everything and ignore and PRETEND there ISN’T any bad out there.” What I am saying is: If you are conscious and aware, choose the good and cast away the bad. If harboring condemning ideas in your mind such as “people are rude” make you see the world as a bad place, consciously make the effort to harbor loving-kind ideas such as “if there is such a thing as rude people, let ME BE KIND, that there be one less rude person in the world.”

I will embrace and cultivate tools such as patience, perseverance, kindness, forgiveness, understanding or any other helpful tool that will enable me to be the change. Will I succeed 100% of the time? Hmm…Given my human circumstances probably not. So if and when I do not succeed, I must be 100% merciful with myself during my moments of shortcomings, acknowledging that I have limitations but not allowing my limitations to stop me from persevering.

There’s a line in the 1997 Disney movie, Flash, where a boy fights to be able to keep and care for a horse he falls in love with and when told “you’ll never make it” the boy responds saying, “Then I won’t make it. But it won’t be because I gave up.”

I may never be perfect, “but it won’t be because I gave up.” I must undoubtedly believe in myself as well as believe in my dreams, utilizing my belief as fuel for transforming my dream into reality by actually living that which I wish would be.

I cannot completely change my world through force or through demand. There’s billions of us out there and it’d be humanly impossible (or perhaps tremendously unlikely and would require an unfathomable amount of effort) for me to externally transform the world to fit the very real and possible utopia that for now exists only as an imagination in me.

I cannot make or demand a person be kind.
I cannot make or demand a person be respectful.
I cannot make or demand a person be loving.
I cannot make or demand a person be in peace.
I cannot make or demand a person be good.

I can only make these things be true for myself and in making it true for myself I can hopefully inspire you to do the same for yourself.

If together, we call forth the good, I promise, our world will be good because all the conscious and aware beings abiding in it have willingly chosen to make it so.

To end this post…

To end this post, I just have to say this about all of the above I just said:

1. All this is just a bunch of words, and words are only symbols. So don’t take everything I said here TOO literal.

2. In the end all that matters is that: YOU ARE THAT WHICH YOU ARE, and not I, not anyone, or anything, could ever define you because only your very essence defines you, and your essence does not depend, and does not require any words.

Filing the Void

I lived with a sense that something was missing. Although my basic needs were met (food, shelter, clothes, enough money to survive and sit here to write this blog) there was still something inside me that was crying and saying “it’s not enough. Something is missing.”

In my love life, I often blamed my partner for the void.
“I am sad because you are watching more TV than paying attention to me.”
“If only you would do X, Y, Z, then I will feel loved.”

Then I began to realize something I never realized before.
I realized that I blamed the world for the void.

“I don’t have my dream job. That is why I am sad.”
“My partner isn’t this X, Y, Z, way. That is why I feel unloved.”
“My father abandoned me as a child. That is why I have attachment issues.”

I also realized something else.
I realized that I wanted the world to take responsibility for my happiness.
I wanted everyone to do for me so I wouldn’t have to do for myself.

I wanted my job to make me happy because I didn’t want to be happy myself.
I wanted my partner to love me unconditionally so I didn’t have to love myself unconditionally.
I wanted others to be there so I didn’t have to just be with myself.

Once I realized this, I was able to learn the meaning of “Love yourself.”
I realized that if I wanted to be loved, all I needed was to be love.
If I wanted happiness, all I needed was to be happy.
If I wanted company, all I need was to be with myself.

Embodying this new notion has enabled me to be less afraid.
Now, when my partner is watching TV instead of giving me attention, I don’t interpret his behavior as a statement of non-love.
Now, although I still do not have my dream job, I do not interpret that as a sad thing because I haven chosen to BE happy not because I have something or another, but because happiness lives in me. Happiness has become a living entity in me; its being lives in me. If sadness tries to invade my being, I can more easily channel happiness back to me.
When I think of being abandoned and that makes me afraid, I remember that I can still have me.
I can still talk to myself. I know you might think that the idea of talking to yourself is crazy, but it really isn’t. We talk to ourselves all the time. When you have to make a choice between two things and you sit there analyzing which would be best for yourself – who are you analyzing with? Yourself. So you are constantly in communication with your being. I have learned to be my own friend.
It’s such a cool experience. You literally just communicate with yourself and yourself teaches you so many things! Everything I am writing here, I discovered through talking to myself. I have told myself that I needed to improve and to fill the void inside, and my-self responded with a new way of being.

I told myself: “I am.”
“Hm. I am? I am what.”
“I just am. and whatever else I wanna be, I am that too.”
“Oh, wow. I never thought about it that way.”
“I know!! aren’t I cool?”
“Yes. you are if you say you are.”

So I choose to BE HAPPY.
I choose to BE LOVE.
I choose to be COMPANY.
I choose to be WHOLE.
I choose to be  ALL THAT I AM. AS I AM. IF I AM. WHEN I AM.

When I am sad, I no longer tell myself “don’t be sad.”
If I am sad, then f#ck it – I am sad. That’s what I choose to be. And I will be sad for as long as I feel like being sad.

But since being sad doesn’t feel so “good” for me, but being happy does…I choose to be happy more often than sad.

How are you today?
Remember, however you are, you are because you choose to be whatever you are right now.

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