move

Matter

I’m getting ready for a move which has me cleaning out closets, old papers, old boxes

Downsizing even further
Letting go of old clothes
Yet still holding on to old stuff I can’t seem to let go of (letters, journals, photos, a bunch of cables with different random plugs maybe someday I’ll need. You know, the type of stuff you keep in the junk box).

And then there is all this paper of stuff that used to matter but no longer matter

the stuff that once was soooo important but now it‘s going in the trash

and that’s the crazy thing about life

The important eventually becomes unimportant.

We stress so much over life but eventually none of it will matter

which isn’t to say become apathetic about it, but just notice where you’re overly stressing

Live with less self imposed pressure

enjoy life without overly stressing

find more grace in the journey

-breathe-

sigh

anyway…

I feel like I’m changing

in ways I can’t even yet understand
I’m excited and ready for the change

like I’m ready to be this damn butterfly I’ve been waiting to be

but at the same time it still feels like I have some ways to go

some learning to do

so let me take a page from my own book and learn to trust the process

April 6, 2023 0

My Journey from NYC To Cali

I knew from the first time I visited Cali, this is where I belonged! And after so many years of putting it off until the time was right – THE TIME FINALLY CAME!

It’s been such an adventure from the moment I packed the car to this afternoon, sitting in a San Diego coffee shop to share this story with you.

I got to see many different states and hike in Colorado, Arizona and California. I feel grateful for this opportunity to experience more of the world and for having the courage to make this change.

It’s scary. But also so exciting.

Check out this video for more details on my move:

October 19, 2018 0

I’m starting my cross country road trip journey from NY to Cali tomorrow, October 6, 2018, at around 6:00 AM.

I’ve been waiting for this day for so many years!

I want to share how I feel about it.

Right now, in this moment, I am surprisingly much less excited about it than I imagined I would be. I’m moving towards my goal of being warm and happy. Shouldn’t I be more excited?

And a part of me is excited.
But another part of me is saying “This is actually kind of stressful.”
Budgeting. Downsizing. Packing what I can manage to fit. Saying bye to people I love. Hunting apartments. Trying to convince landlords that they should trust me even though I have no official job out there yet. Looking for jobs. Having no idea what neighborhoods and people out there are like. Having no friends out there. No family out there (Well, my sister in LA but I’l be in San Diego).

It’s a bit overwhelming when I look at the size of the mountain I’m trying to climb. On the outside it looks cool, you know? “Oh, this girl is just taking her shit and going.” And yeah, it is kinda cool and yeah it is pretty exciting, but let me tell you – it is also stress and work! It is also me sitting in front of my computer for hours on end looking on Craigslist, apartments.com, Zillow, and asking around for rentals. It’s also seeking and looking for several jobs but receiving rejection letters. It’s also looking at my bank account and trying to be smart with every penny (which is challenging at times for me because I am a spender — Ooh, did someone say Starbucks!?). It’s also having to map out a route (when I suck at maps) and plan rest and lodge areas.

AAAAAH!!!

I keep asking myself – “What the fuck are you doing?”

Truth is – I have no idea. But I do know I want to be in warm weather as I try to figure it all out.

I have so many goals but wonder at times if I will have what it takes to bring them to pass.

I need to calm down. I already want to be at step Z without first going through A and B.

*Breathes*

I’ve found myself to be more anxious during this time.
Having a hard time staying in the moment.

Then I try to calm myself and talk down my crazy.

I whisper to myself saying:

“Be here now, you glorious badass. Enjoy this moment right now. Don’t take life so seriously. Play with life. Have fun! Enjoy this moment. Enjoy this opportunity. Why are you fretting? It’s going to work out just fine. You don’t have to figure your whole life in a day. You’re fine. It’s fine. It’s all fine. Be excited for this journey! It is going to offer you all the good things you’re looking for. But first, just relax and take it one moment at a time. You got this. I know you do.”

And then I breathe. And then I relax.

And even just writing this put me less in that anxious vibe and more in that hopeful, excited vibe.

I still haven’t exactly planned my route to Cali (and I leave in like 6 hours – LOL!) I’m just going to figure it out as I go because I am the world’s WORST planner EVER. The rough draft looks like I’m going to head towards West Virginia as my first destination on the trip and figure out lodging there as well as destination number 2, which I think will be Nashville, Tennessee.

I guess that’s some kind of plan!

Luckily I have a friend who is tagging along for the ride, and two brains are better than one!

We’ll see what happens. Wish me luck!

Peace.

*image credit to google images… that I then juxtaposed using a collage maker 🙂

Believe

Believe in yourself so fiercely that the thunder of the roaring sea is silenced by your confidence.

Believe in yourself with such bold, unwavering faith that earthquakes cannot shake you.

Believe in yourself with enough authority to ride fear like a skateboard through your favorite park.

Focus your intent on the bullseye.
Get up! Stand up! Take charge!
For every time you think you can’t, tell yourself you CAN one hundred times over.
Always give fear a hard time.
When you coward in your seat withered in spirit – rise above shaky knees and speak your truth in trumpet volume.
Look deep into your own eyes and violently roar like the mighty beast that you are.
Drum your vein draped fists against your iron chest to the beat of victory.
Let it be known that YOU BELIEVE.
Let it be known that you ferociously bring forth into existence all your dreams.

You are unstoppable when you believe.

March 2, 2016 0

Consistent Actions

A lot of times we don’t achieve the results we desire because we behave in opposition to the results we want to manifest. We say things like “I want a new job,” but don’t fix up our resume and actually apply to new jobs. We say, “I want to lose weight,” then continue to eat unhealthy meals and do little to no exercise. It is no surprise that we keep hitting the same brick wall and remain stuck in the same old story. It is so much easier to just keep doing what we have always been doing because our brains have developed strong neural connections for our current behaviors. Therefore, change, at first, won’t come easy. The moment we start creating new habits, our bodies will naturally want to gravitate back into the old, familiar behaviors. So it is crucial that we be consistent.

Suppose you want to start eating vegetables every day but your body is used to eating bread every day, your bread cravings will naturally surface. Your body will say to you, “OoOh, look at that yummy piece of bread. Wouldn’t it just be amazing to have it with some delicious butter?” Your body will remind you of the salty-sweet, rich smell of bread. It will recall to you how comforting it feels to just bite into that soft piece of deliciousness and how satisfying it makes your belly feel. If at that moment, right when your old patterns start to creep in, you do not make the conscious decision to say, “BREAD – ALTHOUGH YOU ARE DELICIOUS, I AM GOING TO EAT SOME BROCCOLI AND CARROTS INSTEAD,” then you will fall back into your old pattern. You have to say “NO” to whatever is against the result you want to achieve. I’ve used bread as an example, (I love me some bread, mmmm) but it’s the same equation with anything else you want to change in your life. The old pattern will creep in and you must interrupt it with the new pattern you want to make habit of.

Real change will happen once you start to take consistent action towards your desired goal. Caveat – you may not always want to take the necessary action to get what you want. You may not always want to get up early before work to go exercise. You may not always want to spend hours in front of your computer to search for new jobs. You may not always want to eat broccoli instead of a Wendy’s burger (mmmmm). It’s not about wanting to. You have to listen to the inner sergeant within you that fiercely commands you, “GET THE HECK UP AND JUST FREAKING DO IT ANYWAY!” Great results require your committed effort on days that you feel like it and on days that you don’t. Even when you don’t really feel like taking action, push yourself. You have to be consistent if you want to see real results. You will be so glad you did!

(Picture credit to Google images)

February 25, 2016 0

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