Lately I’ve been grappling with what actually matters in love and life.
What are we really doing, ya know? What’s the point?
If we don’t figure out the death problem then we’re all going to die. Yet we don’t seem to be talking about that enough. Some say there is an after life. A heaven. A hell. Some say there is nothing. Some say we re-incarnate. Too many different narratives make me unsure what is true.
I’m aging. Time is passing. I’ve already aged since I started this post. We’re all moving. We’re all changing. What is really the point?
Sometimes I want to sell everything and just drive off on the road without a clear destination. This idea sounds cute in theory until I need a bathroom. A shower. A bed. A place to stand and stretch. A kitchen to cook and store food. So maybe what I really want is more adventure, not to sell all my things and go into the road indefinitely. I’ve done multiple cross country road trips. They’re cool but it does get tiring being on the road at times.
Anyway, back to the point.
What matters?
Health seems to matter. If we’re going to exist might as well be in a body that operates well and feels decently good.
Food. Shelter. Connection. And I suppose some kind of purpose.
There is a force moving us forward whether we like it or not. I can’t stay still even if I wanted to. Something is moving me forward. Which begs an even greater question, am I just watching my life happen and have no real but only perceived control over it? Too much of a big question I don’t want to get into at the moment but certainly an interesting one.
Gah.
Experiences. Do they matter? If so, which?
We all have different ideas of what experiences we want. Take motherhood, for example. Not all of us womb holders want to have the motherhood experience. How does one go about deciding what experiences matter?
—
DEEP BREATH IN
DEEP EXHALE OUT
—
Life is both this deeply profound, delicious, juicy nectar I want to soak up while marveling in complete breathtaking awe… AND… an incredibly soul crushing, agonizing, gnawing, bleeding, heartless devastation.
!ROAR!
Roar at this magnificence and this gut wrenching emptiness.
ROAR at this EVERYTHING-NOTHING THING.
WHAT MATTERS?!
Today I’ve been reflecting on the passage of time.
How time just keeps on slippin’
Tick tock tick tock
and pretty soon we have to let go…
~.~
I’ve been pet sitting as a side hustle
and I had a dog with me for the last 5 days who I grew to really care for
He was so sweet, obedient, and loving.
During our last hour together I kept looking at him and I felt sadness in my heart.
As we played tug of war all I could think of is that in less than an hour I would be saying good bye
he would go back home to his owner… and that would be it.
The fact I knew that pretty soon I would have to say good bye – boy, it hit me.
Because we can really take for granted the time we’ve been given here on Earth. Our time is limited and each second passing means we are closer to expiration.
We never really know when we will say good bye to the people and things we love most,
it literally could be any moment.
This made me think of the importance of cherishing the good moments of this life and to make it a priority to seek more of the good, because what better else could we be doing with our limited time?
Waste it away in an office working 9-5 doing work we aren’t passionate about? No thanks.
When we realize our time is something we can’t ever get back we start getting picky about it
We won’t just say “yes” to random invitations that serve no good purpose in our lives
We won’t accept getting paid less than we deserve
We won’t waste time doing things that don’t fulfill us
because time is limited
and the sooner we understand that
the sooner we can start valuing and prioritizing what we believe is important
Time is slippin’
tick tock tick tock tick tock….
reflectoutloud.com 