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SUS

Don’t you think reality is kinda sus?

Sus meaning SUSPICIOUS

But not suspicious in a bad way — but more like having REASON TO QUESTION – reason to WONDER — WTF is going on here?

Like tell me how I have these perfectly crafted hands, with these perfectly crafted veins that tell my blood where to go. Blood– this curious fluid flowing through my body like I’m a lava lamp…

My eyes… Have you ever taken a hot moment to really observe the intricacies of the eyeball — FINE work.

Now just observe everything else….

The ocean, a flower, a tree, the stars, the moon, the fucking wind, all the bugs of the Earth and their weird and wonderfully shaped bodies that scare the shit out of me….

Honestly, just everything — have you stopped to just LOOK at EVERYTHING

and then not think WTF is going on here?

How is it possible that there isn’t something INCREDIBLY special (or at the very minimum curious/worth wondering) about LIFE, EXISTENCE, REALITY!?

I have an incredibly complex, intelligent body – I’m a thinking being typing on a fucking laptop living on a “ROCK” floating in space

HOW IS THAT NOT FASCINATING TO THE POINT OF MAKING YOUR BRAIN EXPLODE?

(Metaphorically speaking of course… no brains harmed in the reading of these words — hehe)

But seriously,

WTF is going on?

What is this and what are we doing???

There is clearly something incredible going on here and certainly worth paying attention to

I think it’s harder to argue that this is all a bunch of senseless, meaningless nonsense than it is to argue that there is something worthy of investigation here… Something is up

SOMETHING IS UP

SOMETHING IS <<<

That’s HUGE

That’s insane

That’s just WOW

There didn’t NEED to be something but there IS!!!

(Well, assuming that there didn’t *need to be something is debatable — but there could just as easily never been anything — right? Why is it the case that there IS rather than ISN’T?)

Anyway…

There’s something else I wanted to say

but I kind of forgot what my original purpose of writing tonight was…

the original post was supposed to be titled “EVERYTHING”

because I wanted to ramble on about a bunch of other stuff —

But what was it??

I can’t remember

I’ll have to circle back to it later

Anyway — if you made it to this point — WOW, you’re the real MVP 🙂

You are the real special person who out of ALL the infinite fucking possibilities, made itself to this very moment. And wow…

That amazes me 🙂

Thank you

I love you

Let’s be kind to one another

Let’s make this a beautiful world

human

Suddenly it dawned on me… we’re all just human

made of the same stuff…

the people I look up to — the celebrities, the speakers, the doctors, the scientists, the artists; the ones with the skills, talents, wisdom, businesses, houses, fancy charcuterie boards and stuff — they are just human

like me…

That realization both scares me and astonishes me

Do any of us actually know wtf is going on here?

Who do you look at for real answers when we are all just as clueless as the other?

We have theories, ideas, and beliefs about what is happening

but who really KNOWS?

*sigh*

If it’s up to us and only us then we’ve got some serious shit to look at

are we consuming too quickly and are we living sustainably?

what systems are ineffective and what needs to be improved — EVERYWHERE, for EVERYONE

if there is no God or higher intelligence who is going to come to save/help us or intervene when necessary and we just so happen to be an evolutionary process that developed by chance then what does that mean!?

If it’s up to us then who is taking accountability to help?

if it’s up to us and only us then if we don’t collectively get our shit together we could fuck our selves

do you want to be fucked by your own poor choices?

I don’t

So what conversations do we need to be having to sustain ourselves and create a pleasant reality for living beings to enjoy?

This is just a reflection, not a sign to panic

but also a good thing for us to think about

Beyond Me

The world is so big.
And there is so much to it.

So much to learn.

The level of information is so enormous that it leaves me paralyzed in indecision.

Hi.

it’s been so long since I have written here.

There is so much to say I don’t even know where to begin.

I hate when I just tell you “there’s so much to say” and then I don’t even say anything that’s truly revealing…

Thank you.

Thank you for always being here.

Through the ups and the downs and the silence.

I want to share more with you again.

To tell you everything that has been on my mind.

I will. Very soon!

What is this experience? This human experience. This body. This stuff. This reality??

Am I just here and then I’m gone??

If I will be truly gone and this is truly all there is — what will I make of it?

not some boring ass shit that’s for sure.

But I’m still trying to figure it all out… (as usual, as always…)

Will I ever really know? Or at least have a confident belief? Right now — all I know is that I don’t actually know the real answer.

I have some answers, like if I drop something it’ll fall and if I put water over the stove it’ll boil after some time… you know, basic shit… but true fundamentals — I still am clinging to what Descarte said, “I am, I exist,” << that I know for sure… but anything further in a fundamental way I am still in process of discovery

damn.

Reality Codes

Everything that is is embedded with a code which represents its existence.

Everything that is is embedded with fact.

There is a Truth that is beyond argument. This truth is THE TRUTH. Meaning, the fact of that which is.

If something is then it holds an inherent truth.

Just because we don’t know the truth does not mean it’s not there. It’s like uncharted land.

There is an ultimate Fact. While I may not know what this Fact is given my limited intellect, what I do know is that there is an Answer, because the answer is inseparable from existence in itself. The Answer is encoded in reality. But I do not have the mental capacity to compute it. Perhaps, however, there is another way.

But I have arguments against this “other way,” because it’s through experience. But experience alone, I believe, is not sufficient proof. As experience is subjective.

But perhaps if I knew, and you knew too, and we all could know simultaneously through experience – ultimate computation, meaning we’d factor ourselves into the equation because only by inclusion could we really know the size of how grand it all is, could we then arrive at a conclusion.

Hm.

Something to think about.

Philosophy

We are here.

There is something rather than nothing.

It appears that reality is embedded with a force called Time that causes all things to move.

It also appears that reality is embedded with a formula to figure itself out.

This begs the question of free will.

Am I behaving freely, do I have a choice, or am I simply acting out the functions embedded into the blue print of existence?

Is the ability to choose simply an illusion? Do I think I am choosing because I have been enabled with the ability to “think” and have mistaken this ability for choice? Am I simply unfolding through time as I have been programmed to do?

But beyond that… when I observe the world and its complexities it’s “realness” seems almost absurd to doubt. It seems like there really is a real world. That the stories we’ve learned in our science textbooks must hold true. There must have been a Big Bang. This must be a product of some explosion and evolutionary process. I must be here because I evolved from another species.

Right?

Regardless of the story we buy into, what seems to remain unexplained is the question of why truly is there existence rather than nonexistance?

Why is it that things are rather than are not?

The fact that there IS something rather than NOT trips me out.

Holy shit, I exist. What the fuck!?

I am here rather than not here.

Does that mean something? Or does it mean nothing?

Yeah, I’m here and so is everyone and everything else – big woop. (Hope you hear the sarcasm in this statement).

 

I just don’t get it. What’s the point?

If this means nothing who the hell cares. I sure don’t. Or maybe if I knew it really didn’t matter and I only had this life to live perhaps I would enjoy it more. Because I’d know that I’m only given one opportunity to exist, and since I do exist why not make the best of it?

It would be relieving to know that I didn’t have to live a certain way or do a certain thing or get to a certain place because in the end it doesn’t matter – so why fuss? Why get so caught up in a negative story? Nobody matters. Nothing matters. So fuck me and fuck you.

Fuck what you think. Fuck your bullshit. Your theories. Your science. It doesn’t matter: I don’t matter and you don’t matter and in the end nothing matters.

So have fun. Enjoy the one life that was granted by coincidence, by odd chance, by luck.

 

But I don’t know that that’s the fucking truth. I don’t know the why. I only have ideas. Theories. Guesses. Stories.

I am always left guessing. Wondering. Searching.

At times the search becomes exhausting. And I hate that I care so much. That it’s somehow embedded in my DNA to obsess about life, my place in it and the meaning of all this.

 

Whatever.

Movement

Everything is moving. Always.

I’ve arrived at this interesting realization that no matter what I do or don’t do there is a greater force operating on me that wouldn’t allow me (even if I wanted) to just be still. To not have to move forward with time.

It appears that life goes on no matter what.

It doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do because life will go on.

Of course it matters in the sense that depending on what I do or don’t do the quality of my experience will vary. Like if I choose to sell all my posessions and go live on the beach as a bum or if I choose to work a corporate job in New York City the quality of my experiences will surely be different. But removing this aspect of quality aside, what I’ve noticed is that even if choose to do nothing – meaning, I sit in a corner and I simply allow time to make choices for me then I will enevitably keep moving.

The best way for me to describe this is comparing it to the game of Sims. Have you ever played it?

Well. In the game, if you don’t actively make choices for your sims they will go on auto pilot doing their own actions. You must actively take control and direct their actions to control them. Sometimes my Sim might want to cook but I think it should go learn the piano instead. So I must actively cancel out their choice and direct them towards the piano. If I don’t actively make them do what I want they’ll just auto pilot their way through time.

In some ways I feel like reality is like this. I am here. I exist. I notice there is a force acting on me that keeps moving me forward even if I don’t want to. I have choice. Or at least I think I do. (But this is also a subject to further discuss later). Through choice I can have some control over the quality of my experiences.

But the point that I’m really making is that it doesn’t fucking matter what I ultimately do because it appears that reality is embedded with a formula that figures itself out.

In other words, even if I don’t know what to do in this moment, it doesn’t matter because the formula of time is going to figure it out for me. Time is going to push me forward whether I know what to do next or not. There is something operating within reality that is already deciding what’s going to be next even if I don’t know what’s next.

How much influence and power do I really have over my future? Over my destiny?

What the fuck is destiny anyway?

I can tell you what I want.

I want to feel good about myself. I want to own a home by the beach. I want to have a million dollars in my bank account. I want to be in love with you and have you be in love with me. I want to travel the world. I want there to be peace within me and in the world for those who choose it.

Is it going to happen? I don’t fucking know. But I want it to. I want to do my part in making it happen. But it’s not all me.

Also… getting to that moment is a journey. And it’s a silly ass fucking journey. Because you do alllllll this shit to get there only to have it all slip away.

We work so hard to build treasures and in the end we just die. In the end it all fades. And nothing lasts forever. Time takes it all away.

What bullshit.

So I guess the real way to live is not as so to acquire but perhaps to simply experience. Perhaps to simply enjoy the temporary ride.

 

Wack.

 

Okay. I’m being cynical.

But it’s kind of annoying to build it all to lose it all. Don’t you think?

Want Not to Want

I want to be a dream.
I want to morph.
I want to be light.
I want to make love to you,
and to seduce you.
Then walk away –
and run wildly back into your arms
because my absence never fazed you.

I want to be beautiful like the models on TV.
Not just this average beauty. This “We’re all beautiful in our own way” kind of beauty.
But truly stunning. You can’t get your eyes off stunning.

I want to be beautiful on the inside too – because that’ll make me even more beautiful.
Inside and out. Not just one or the other – both. Not just average but whatever comes right before perfect if perfect isn’t an option.

Then I want to be alone. Alone to love myself. Alone to be perfect – whatever that means to me because what it means to me is always enough when I don’t need you; when I don’t want you.

But then I want to see you. You who is almost perfect. And I want to love you. And then I want to leave you because your imperfection bothers me. Because I want to feel superior – and actually be superior. Not just in theory. Not some narcissism. In truth and in every way better and more perfect than you.

Then I want to cry and feel sorry for myself. Sorry and guilty for ever wanting to be better. And for actually being better.

Then I will humble myself. I will be imperfect. You will have all the right to shine, even brighter than I. You will have right to be anything you desire because you deserve a chance if the game is to be fair and foolproof. This will be the way to prove that I am not necessary. To prove that I am creation and that perfection is irrespective of me even though it is me — it is you. This is the way it’s been all along.

Everything will be fair. Balanced. And it’ll be utterly boring to the wise. Utterly predictable. All it will mean is that everything is possible. And what’s the fun in that? You will know all the answers and pretend not to know. And for what end? Just to live out stories. Stories after stories. And so it will be. I’ll live my story. You live yours. We live ours. And so on ad infinitum.

Then I want to find – I don’t even know what I’d like to find after all that.
It’s never enough because the story never ends. The end is the continuous search because there’s always more. There are no limits. There’s always more. There’s always more. There’s always more.

What satisfies me is to forget. Forget all of it. Forget the stories. Forget you. Forget me. Forget life. Forget all realms.
The black screen forever. Pure nothing. Finally I can rest. This is my favorite place to be. At rest. Not in some point in time telling stories after stories. Not living story after story. But Here. Beyond the Silence. In the Eternal. In the nothing. As nothing. For nothing. Through nothing.

Because only when I am nothing I do not want. Only when I am nothing I am truly perfect.

In being nothing there is nothing I could ever fall short of. There is nothing to miss- nothing to lack – nothing to need – nothing to want.
To not exist is better than to exist.
Because in non-existence there is no such thing as better. Nothing wrong. Nothing right. Literally nothing.

Nothing.

Mmmm. Perfect.

But I cannot convince you of this. It would just be another story. My position versus your position and vice versa as it always is in this dimension of reality. You must come to know it yourself – through yourself, for yourself.

Meet me in the nothing. I’ll be waiting for you. Let’s be together as none again.

And when we are done, if ever, we can always come out and play again. After all, even though I hate your never ending stories, I love you enough to listen.

“See” you there.

 

Answers

Sometimes in the dark of the night I wonder why I am here.

What is the point of all this?

Some say there is no point and life is what you make it. Well, how do I know that’s true?  And if you respond with, “you don’t” then clearly you’re not even trying.

Hypothesize with me. Dream with me.

Let’s find answers together in this magical maze.

 

 

Something Nothing

Why is there something rather than nothing?

There isn’t something rather than nothing – there is both something and nothing eternally existing.

Nothing exists. Something exists.

It isn’t one instead of the other. It is both.

 

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