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Attraction

Just because someone is magnetically attractive, their smile and eyes make you want to melt and their pheromones make you want to strip away your clothes, doesn’t mean they’re a good fit for you as a life partner. For a relationship to work, there needs to be more than attraction. Attraction can only go so far. There also needs to be shared values, genuine care, emotional availability, maturity, mutual effort, reciprocity, respect and compatibility.

When the spark happens with someone it’s as if you become drunk by a delicious cocktail of hormones that can easily blur your vision of what the reality is. For a romantic like me this hypnotic delirium can be even worse. Suddenly I’m in wonderland. Suddenly I’m in heaven. 

But you can’t actually get to heaven with just anybody. No sooner or later the reality hits. The person is unavailable, chaotic, addicted, troubled and always late. You start to see the red roses are actually red flags. This is when attraction alone becomes dangerous. When you’re staying, analyzing, trying and hoping the person will be who you wish they could be. Wishing they would match the fantasy. Forcing a square peg in a round hole.

This is why love is not enough. 

Love is beautiful. And you deserve it deeply and fully. 

But what’s also important is all the other attributes that make a relationship a complete package. 

It has to be both love and it also has to work. There has to be more substance. 

So if you’re connecting to someone right now who you know isn’t a fit — listen to that! Don’t force what isn’t right because you’ll waste your time and get hurt along the journey. 

I know we can’t help it sometimes. The drug is too strong. But SOBER yourself up enough to realize that for a relationship to work there has to be more than only attraction. Just because someone is cute isn’t enough. Just because someone has a nice body and you connect well in bed for a few hours (or minutes even!) 👏 that is not enough 👏!! 

Hello 👏

👏 Snap out of this hypnosis 👏

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! 

Attraction is NOT enough 

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disappointment

if I could describe our relationship in one word,

”disappointment” would probably be a good one.

———

and I hate that

because I don’t wanna think of you that way

and I don’t wanna feel that

and I hate that it IS that

And therefore, it has to be rectified.

Perhaps with an ending and going our separate ways. Perhaps with becoming better as individuals and meeting back up when the time is right. Perhaps with simply acknowledging and accepting what is and not making anything of it. Perhaps some whole other outcome I can’t even think of.

but it can’t be like this

I can’t let it be a disappointment

I can’t let it be less that perfect

it IS

or it isn’t

and I want it to be GOOD

so damn GOOD

so damn right it blows your mind

I want the RIGHT and CORRECT answer

beyond a shadow of a doubt

it is SO GOOD

and SO RIGHT that anything other, above, or beyond cannot be conceived or imagined because IT IS ALL OF THAT and MORE all in ONE

all and done

So GOOD and SO PERFECT that there is nothing left to add, utter, conceive, say, do, be or have

that’s IT

THAT’S IT!!!

THAT’S

it

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Self-esteem

You are your guarantee

Your value does not come from another, your value comes from YOU

You decide your worth – not someone else

You have inherent value – you belong
If it were not so, you would not be here

The fact that you exist is already proof that life itself wants you here

But beyond the philosophical stuff
On a practical day to day sense — you need to learn to work on your self esteem so that you don’t put your worth and or sense of peace on the hands of another person

If everyone were to like you but you didn’t like you – what good would that really do? Your experience would still suck because you are rejecting yourself

If everyone didn’t like you, but you didn’t care and you liked yourself and still felt okay within yourself, then it wouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks because your sense of peace, joy, and feeling okay is not dependent – it is inherent and independent

On a more realistic sense —

Some people will like you and some people will not — and it doesn’t mean there is something inherently wrong with you

Not everyone likes chocolate cake – yet chocolate cake is delicious (to me, and to others who think the same)
Not everyone likes sea food (I’m not a huge fan of sea food – some people love it)

Not everyone likes the cold weather – some people enjoy the cold

Some people don’t like cilantro, some people do
Some people don’t like horror movies, some people do

Do you get it?

And honestly, if people were to give each other a chance they would probably find something in common to vibe about. I would say it’s probably rare to entirely dislike someone if you haven’t even given yourself a chance to get to know them at least on some common level.

We all have things in common
and I am sure if we gave each other at least a chance we would see that we could find there is at least one thing to like about each other (but anyway, that is also another topic)

Here is the point I am making:
Learn to like and accept yourself and stop needing someone else to accept and like you in order to feel okay with yourself

Work on your self-esteem
Work on your personal development
Work on your self care
Work on developing your skills
Work on your hobbies
Make friends with people who share your interests
Expand your connections
Work on your mindset

Stop thinking that you NEED a relationship in order to be okay – you don’t
You can be fine single and you can learn to enjoy your own company

When you enjoy your own company you will not be desperate for another to fulfill you because you will already be fulfilled on your own

a relationship gets to be a choice and you get to invite the right partner into your life
a partner who is equally invested in you and who is a compatible fit

Take care of yourself first

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