romance

if I could describe our relationship in one word,

”disappointment” would probably be a good one.

———

and I hate that

because I don’t wanna think of you that way

and I don’t wanna feel that

and I hate that it IS that

And therefore, it has to be rectified.

Perhaps with an ending and going our separate ways. Perhaps with becoming better as individuals and meeting back up when the time is right. Perhaps with simply acknowledging and accepting what is and not making anything of it. Perhaps some whole other outcome I can’t even think of.

but it can’t be like this

I can’t let it be a disappointment

I can’t let it be less that perfect

it IS

or it isn’t

and I want it to be GOOD

so damn GOOD

so damn right it blows your mind

I want the RIGHT and CORRECT answer

beyond a shadow of a doubt

it is SO GOOD

and SO RIGHT that anything other, above, or beyond cannot be conceived or imagined because IT IS ALL OF THAT and MORE all in ONE

all and done

So GOOD and SO PERFECT that there is nothing left to add, utter, conceive, say, do, be or have

that’s IT

THAT’S IT!!!

THAT’S

When I said “I like this song” … he turned up the volume
and when I was cold… he offered his sweater

have you ever for a moment looked into the eyes of someone else and saw everything you wanted staring back at you…

yet though you were excited you were actually more afraid?

“Does saying yes to this mean saying no to all the other possibilities? Is this really what I want? Is this the right person for me?”

I once heard a love coach say we should settle ON someone, not FOR someone

there will always be other options…

Like going to an ice cream shop and being presented with so many flavors — you eventually have to make a choice on what to order.

I kind of think about a long term partner like that… we eventually have to say yes to someone if we are going to want to relate deeply.

I don’t know…

Do I even want a relationship?
This is the first time I started to learn to enjoy my own company outside of anybody else. And it’s actually been really nice growing more into this “self focused” version of me.

maybe we don’t have to have all the answers right away
maybe we can just let time lead the way

I think the key is in finding balance
keeping yourself whole without losing yourself in another – avoiding codependency

not rushing into a decision

letting time reveal more of the way
while communicating openly and honestly

staying open to love

~*~*~*~*~

we drove off into the morning sun and for a moment I could feel as if I could live into everything I have imagined

we don’t realize that our dreams are fantasies are truly possible until we allow ourselves to feel into it and live it

yet what I noticed is that feeling good all the time kind of scares me
and that fear and hesitation brings me back to earth, back to reality

there is something to be said about this “being in vibration” and being in a certain “frequency”.

I have been noticing my frequency change

and for a moment it’s almost like I am moving closer into heaven… but I can’t sustain it… and I am brought back down

down into my human body with my fears and limitations
with my doubts

my existential crisis

and again, I am alone

Tag

disappointment

true love?