There’s this deep sadness I feel sometimes
Because despite life being awe inspiring, beautiful and filled with lovely moments…
I can’t ignore the other side of the coin
Death, pain, suffering, ignorance, immaturity, injustice, sickness, wrong doings, _______ <insert bad thing here.
The other night I woke up from a bad dream
and I was flooded with tears
Tears because of the loss I’ve experienced in the past
and for the loss I’ll experience in the future.
For all the suffering on this planet
and for how small I feel sometimes in the face of it all.
I had a thought come up about needing to “let go of my ego”…
Something that feels like a recurring lesson
Saying “I’m sorry”
Acknowledging where I’m at fault and how I’m contributing to my problems
Owning up to my mistakes rather than fighting to be right
Not easy to say “I’m sorry” during moments I rather be a brat and stick up for my side of the story.
Sometimes I dance between ideals and apathy
Seeing the beauty and miracle that is life
yet also seeing the ugly and merciless hands of time that takes it all away
I think about my mom sometimes
how much she struggled and how I wish I could give her a castle, and everything she could ever dream of
How I wish I could give you the world
How I wish I could save the world
How I wish things were different
How powerless I feel as a spec in an infinite universe
What do you want from me?
I’m here… to die 😦