It’s easier to walk away than to stay the course when it gets hard.
But I am learning that emotions are a dangerous place to build anything solid on.
Life gets hard. It’s not all happy. It’s not all easy. As much as I’ll be the first to say I’m all about the magic, now I’m wise enough to know there is another side to this coin — the cold hard, facts of reality. Ouch, does it hurt.
Will you stay only when the days are good? When the sun is out and everyone is dancing and there is plenty? Or will you stay when it actually matters — when the thunderstorms block out the sunshine, when there’s no one out to play, and when now there is less than enough?
It is easy to stay when there’s laughter. When there’s joy. When there’s fun. It’s not easy to stay when there’s pain, when there’s loss, when reality blocks out the magic.
You will get sick one day. You will be sad. You will lose the spark. You will feel pain. And that is when we need each other the most. That is when it matters to stay. To say “I’m right here. You don’t have to be okay. You don’t have to be happy. You don’t have to put on a show. You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to be anything or do anything. I’m right here.”
Oh, what a love. A love that stays. A love that stays in the good days and the bad, in the in between, in the mundane.
I’ll be with you on the highs. I’ll be with you on the lows. I’ll be with you in the messy middle. I’ll be with you in the mundane. I’ll be with you when it’s sunshine, I’ll be with you when it rains. I’ll be with you in your weakness, I’ll be with you in your strength. I’ll be with you when you’re lost and have no clue what you’re doing. I won’t give up just because it’s hard. I won’t give up just because it’s suddenly inconvenient, suddenly it isn’t fun. No. I will stay.
—
I am finding that this gift of staying is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. To be here even on the days you feel like a troll and wonder where the heck your youth has gone. In sickness and in health. In bounty or desert. I am right here. I am right there. I am not going anywhere. I am with you from the moment you were born and I will be with you until your last breath. I will not leave or abandon you. I am right here. I am right there.
Do I dim my light to be accepted?
Must I walk a certain way? Talk a certain way? Look a certain way? Be a certain way — and then I’ll be accepted?
Sometimes it can be hard for me to open up to love
because sometimes I experience rejection and it hurts, and it makes me close off
because I’m loved by others conditionally
Only loved if my hair is brushed or when I’m in shape
Only loved if my skin is youthful
Or if I make enough money and live in a nice place
Only loved if this or that or the other
Conditions, conditions…
-Sigh-
I think the secret is to give yourself the full love you seek from another
To accept yourself fully, without judgement
And to be around others who accept you as much as possible— even if they can’t accept all of you 24/7 365 in all your light, color, size, shape and being.
If you’re fulfilled with your own love the rejection of the other won’t ultimately shake you because you’re already full of love and acceptance; the love and acceptance you’ve already given yourself
Easier said than done, I know
but it’s a feeling you cultivate, a feeling you imprint into every cell of your being
It’s a practice
A practice of committing and re-committing to loving yourself without judgment,
without basing your sense of self worth on what you think you need to be in order to receive love from the other
To not hide or dim your light
We are all on our individual journeys, no one person can be all about you 24/7
So don’t be surprised when they’re not
It isn’t a bad thing, it’s just the nature of relationships
Work on being okay with yourself
(Which isn’t to say don’t take healthy constructive criticism and make improvements as needed for your personal development and growth)
But find that still, loving, grounded, accepting presence within yourself. It is always there no matter what.
The love you seek from the other is already there.
Don’t fear rejection of the other (that happens from time to time and is normal — it does not mean you are objectively unlovable or undesirable)
Reserve your company for those who make you feel good for the most part (No one person can make you feel good 24/7)
If someone doesn’t make you feel good, you have the option to talk through it and work together to make the situation better
If it doesn’t improve despite best efforts, it’s okay to kindly release that person and distance yourself (even if it hurts at first)
-Sigh-
This rant went on longer than I intended it to…
In conclusion,
Living is quite the art—
It’s a practice
Do your best to love and accept yourself
No one else can really do it for you,
Except maybe Jesus?
But that’s a whole other story
You are your only guarantee
Everyone else is an external factor
when you were born, you were there
and at every moment of every day until the end of your life, you are the one who will always be there
people will come and go
places will come and go
things will change
some people may leave you because they no longer love you or wish to be in your life
some will leave you because they die
some will exit for whatever other circumstance
get comfortable with your own company
stop trying to seek someone else to make you feel happy, loved and okay
learn to enjoy your own company
learn to be okay with your own presence
you do not need a relationship in order to be okay
be okay on your own
this way you can invite people into your life out of true desire rather than a need to escape your loneliness
spend time on your hobbies
invest in your personal development and career
read a book
take a class
find a recipe and cook something new
have a self care practice
write a blog
make time to spend with people who nourish you and make you feel seen, accepted, loved
remember that you are your only guarantee and you are the one who will be with you 24/7, 365 until death — make peace and friends with yourself
learn to be comfortable in your body
learn to be comfortable in your life
learn to feel safe and okay with yourself
(not in an arrogant I don’t need nobody typa way, but in a healthy “I feel at ease with myself and my life” typa way) and from this energy go out and make connections, enjoy your life
let go of the desperate need to have someone else complete you
you already are complete
you are your guarantee
everyone and everything else outside you will come and go,
until eventually you go too
(RIP)
it’s all temporary
make the best of it
enjoy your own company and consequently the right people will come into your life to add to it
when you treat yourself right and feel okay with yourself it’s easy to spot bad relationships and people who aren’t healthy for you — because you already know your standard and you are already okay on your own
reflectoutloud.com 