Lately I’ve been thinking about real love. The one that remains. The kind that endures. The one who will sit beside you for hours in a hospital, be there when your parents grow sick and pass away. The kind that will handle the errands and put away the dishes because you’re too tired from the day to move. The kind that is present not just in laughter, ease, play and fun.
It’s easy to love when it’s all going well. When you’re feeling butterflies. When you’re pretzeled together on the cozy couch laughing at your favorite Ben Stiller movie. When you get a promotion. When you are in good health. When there’s plenty and it all feels certain.
Yeah, anyone can love that.
But what about when the clouds swallow the sun? When your body aches and the room smells of Vicks and Bengay? When income isn’t steady? When the phone rings with the news that family is unwell? When the bills cascade across the kitchen table and suddenly life is not photogenic?
What then?
Man, I’m a sucker for the magic. For the awe and wonder of life. But can I also be okay with the reality too? With the darkness? With the difficult chapters? Can I also love then?
When I said “I like this song” … he turned up the volume
and when I was cold… he offered his sweater
have you ever for a moment looked into the eyes of someone else and saw everything you wanted staring back at you…
yet though you were excited you were actually more afraid?
“Does saying yes to this mean saying no to all the other possibilities? Is this really what I want? Is this the right person for me?”
I once heard a love coach say we should settle ON someone, not FOR someone
there will always be other options…
Like going to an ice cream shop and being presented with so many flavors — you eventually have to make a choice on what to order.
I kind of think about a long term partner like that… we eventually have to say yes to someone if we are going to want to relate deeply.
I don’t know…
Do I even want a relationship?
This is the first time I started to learn to enjoy my own company outside of anybody else. And it’s actually been really nice growing more into this “self focused” version of me.
maybe we don’t have to have all the answers right away
maybe we can just let time lead the way
I think the key is in finding balance
keeping yourself whole without losing yourself in another – avoiding codependency
not rushing into a decision
letting time reveal more of the way
while communicating openly and honestly
staying open to love
~*~*~*~*~
we drove off into the morning sun and for a moment I could feel as if I could live into everything I have imagined
we don’t realize that our dreams are fantasies are truly possible until we allow ourselves to feel into it and live it
yet what I noticed is that feeling good all the time kind of scares me
and that fear and hesitation brings me back to earth, back to reality
there is something to be said about this “being in vibration” and being in a certain “frequency”.
I have been noticing my frequency change
and for a moment it’s almost like I am moving closer into heaven… but I can’t sustain it… and I am brought back down
down into my human body with my fears and limitations
with my doubts
my existential crisis
and again, I am alone
reflectoutloud.com 