I am being asked to wait, but I don’t wanna.
I want everything to happen all at once.
What a babe.

The excitement is in the not knowing. The adventure is about the unraveling. The mystery. The challenges. The pain along the way that can teach you all you need to know about pleasure.

Gahh… I feel a million things in one. But this is what makes this all exciting.

I’ve had this pattern of rushing for a long time. I am learning to slow down. To be more gentle. To delay gratification. To think a little longer before answering. I am also learning to honor my own speed. I am my own person. I am on my own journey. I want to honor this journey without trying to force the fruit before it’s ready. This is no easy task. Especially when you’re caught in a terrifying storm you want nothing but to pass. Yet the way is the way.

But, man, do I wish I was just a little further along.
This is coming from that pouty, rebellious teen ager within me who keeps asking “are we there yet??”

It’s all good though. I have to trust that life knows the way. It knew to make my heart a heart, my hand a hand, and intelligently organize this entire experience without my own doing… I suppose it probably knows a thing or two — don’t ya think?

I once saw a post on TikTok where someone said “Ok, but does the process know we are trusting it??” LOL.

We’re told to trust the process. But what does the process have in store for us? Could be good, could be not good. Could just be a bunch of meh.

I hear that the path is more about the internal journey than the external. It’s more about being okay with what IS vs frustrated over what isn’t. Have you heard of Michael Singer? Best selling author of “The Untethered Soul.” I tell everyone to read this book. It’s been by far the most transformative in helping me relax with what is vs fighting with reality. This doesn’t mean we don’t take actions to improve the experience, it just means it doesn’t come from a place of fighting the experience.

SIGH.

I am excited and bored all in one.
I am clear and lost all at the same time.
I am ecstatic and apathetic in the same instant.
I am both.
I am here and not here.
But I am here.
Passing.

Passing passing. Look. I have just passed from that moment to this moment. And I will keep on passing. Passing. Passing. Passing.

GAHHHHH.

What to prioritize? Do I sell it all and run? Run to Thailand and ask my crush to come along? Do I stay put and chip away at day to day life with a good routine that sets me up for success?

WHAT MATTERS?

I don’t know.