Search

Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

Tag

wants

Don’t Waste Time. Get CLEAR On Your Vision

Don’t be like me.

It took me 2 years, $22,000, and 700 hours of unpaid internship hours to complete a graduate program in Mental Health counseling only to realize – “Oh, just kidding. I actually don’t want to pursue this path.”

I knew within the first few months into the program that I didn’t do enough research and signed up for a program that didn’t quite resonate with me. Yet despite this realization I convinced myself that I should just stick with it anyway, because having a Master’s is better than not.

And sure, my rationale made sense – any more pretty stripes you have on your belt only make you a more appealing candidate to employers — assuming you can even secure employment, that is.  This meme couldn’t be more real right now:

2B043108-3F5B-4265-8B14-CCF72FEEAD10

The path to becoming a Mental Health Counselor is pretty long and actually pretty painful if you’re not 100% sure this is exactly what you want to do. Finishing school is not enough. There are several and I mean SEVERAL hoops you have to jump through, and it’s a never ending process because Psychology is a living and constantly developing field. 

Not to mention the fact that after graduating some employers want to pay you crumbs for your service. I’ve had employers offer me $12.00 an hour for counseling services. $12.00!!!! It’s insanity.

My current issue with this path is that it totally stifles my spirit. The clinical path has a tremendous bureaucratic system that involves so much control over how therapists should operate and how counseling should be done, and it literally suffocates me. When I look at the paperwork and the demands that are being put on me to perform under particular standards as well as regulations, along with the types of populations that clinical counselors generally deal with, I clearly see big RED LIGHTS and SIRENS that tell me to look the other way and RUN! 

And I get it – this system is indeed helpful and is supported by years of research and studies that I respect and believe has its use and purpose. However, it’s just not for me.

And why am I whining and complaining about it to you?

Well, my friend, it’s because I wish I would have stepped on the breaks 2 years ago when I realized this wasn’t my actual calling and invested my time, energy, efforts and CASH on what I TRULY, TRULY want. 

I’ve wasted so much time trying to prove to myself that I’m disciplined enough to complete higher education and formal training only to come out of it feeling like I am 2 years behind on my actual goals.

I’ve been playing it safe, 
I’ve been trying to do what everyone else is doing.
I’ve been ignoring my intuition and pushing myself to do what I thought I needed to do rather than what I truly wanted to do.

DON’T BE LIKE ME.

Get LASER clear on your vision and act in alignment to that TRUE vision.

What do you REALLY WANT.
Not what your parents want. Not what society wants. Not what you think you need to do because you have to prove something to yourself or the world.

Don’t waste time trying to prove yourself to anybody.
Don’t waste time trying to please family, friends, society, facebook.

Really and truly ask yourself:
WHAT DO I KNOW IN MY HEART I REALLY WANT?

And then move in that direction.

Advertisements

Ramblings…

“Experience life in all possible ways —
good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light,
summer-winter. Experience all the dualities.
Don’t be afraid of experience, because
the more experience you have, the more
mature you become.”

― Osho

Ramblings

What’s there to talk about? The same old thing, the same old stories.
It’s not really “old” though when I really think about it. Every moment is so unique, decorated in its own way, in its own flavor.

I feel like I am going in circles. Chasing something I can’t even describe.
There is this empty feeling I can’t seem to fill.
It isn’t always there, but it’s there, nonetheless.

I want to be happy. Don’t we all? But there are moments where I’m simply not.
Maybe I am ungrateful. And truth is, at times I really am.
I am over trying to cover up the dark side of my self.
Yes. I lie. I cheat. I envy. I hate. I get jealous. I have negative thoughts.
But that’s not all of who I am.
There’s that childish, innocent side. The side that dreams of love, rainbows and peace.
The side that sees no wrong.

There’s also the in between side. Which is a little of everything. That’s who I really am. All of me.

What’s the point of all this I keep asking myself?
What should I live for?
Do I live to chase money so I can buy houses and cars and clothes that leave an impression on people? Regardless of what I do I’ll leave an impression.
What kind of impression do I want to leave? And do I want to impress you or me or a balance of both?
What kind of person do I want to become? What kind of feelings and experiences do I want to be having? How do I even begin to learn what is truly important to me and how not to live to impress others?

I have a hard time answering these questions because I have a long list of “shoulds” implanted in my brain.

According to whose “shoulds” should I live?

I allow too many people to take space in my head and influence my decisions. I feed energy to too many stories.

I also change a lot which makes it hard to even decide on any one thing.
So I am trying to boil it down to experiences and feelings rather than particular details.

Here’s a list:
I want to experience and feel:
Happiness
Pleasure
Peace
Contentment
Confidence
Trust
Fulfillment
Relax
Laughter
Love
Kindness
Belonging
Creativity

Here are some experiences and feelings I want less of:
Fear
Anxiety
Doom
Panic
Hate
Envy
Pity
Lack
Depression
Loneliness
Rush
Confusion

There’s probably a few more I can add to both the lists but this seems enough for starters.

So now that I’ve narrowed what I want to experience and feel more of… how am I going to go about my life to embrace more of those wants?

Good question.

*image credit to google images