There is so much to learn and so much information in the outside world that even if I spent my whole life studying it all I would still be left with questions. Sometimes I wonder “what’s the point of all this?”
Is there something I am supposed to be learning or seeing by being here and now or is this all some big accident without any purpose at all?
My best friend tells me that what matters is right now and what we make of right now.
Well, right now I am at work.
At a boring job I have spent the last 8 years of my life devoting to. I much rather be at a beach instead. But I am not. I choose to be here.
Why do I choose to stay at a job that I am unhappy with rather than go live by the beach as I wish?
Well. 1) I don’t have the courage to and 2) I don’t have the money to.
How will I live if I just take my bags and go?
Not to mention all the bills that just won’t disappear!!!!
I am a wimp. That is the truth.
I am too afraid to take life on by the balls.
But in the midst of all of my choices and life experiences, deep down I get a feeling that somehow something beautiful will come out of all this.
Maybe right now I don’t exactly understand WHY I am sitting here at this boring ass job and WHY life has brought me to writing this — but somehow, I feel that one day I will.
Sometimes I feel something great is going to come. I don’t know what or when or how… I just feel I belong to something great and I am waiting to see what that is.
Is there more to life than this?
I can’t seem to answer “no.”
I believe the answer is YES! YES THERE IS!
Well, that’s a subject for another time.