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Ecstasy

“Realize deeply that present moment is all you ever have.” -Eckhart Tolle 

I don’t want to get There only to miss the entire life I’ve neglected by being blindly consumed with the end rather than fully and profoundly immersed in the Moment.

I want to be wildly in love with the Moment.

My love will be so alive that I will be able to taste sounds and smell colors. I want every atom that composes my existence to connect with every atom that composes the rest of existence. Pure ecstasy. No fear. No shame. No foul, no harm. Just us. Absolute joy. Innocence. Truth.

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Transition

It’s as if parts of me are being violently ripped apart to make room for new flesh to grow. The old operating system doesn’t seem to be working anymore. I need an upgrade, but because I haven’t expanded enough I can’t seem to find the fitting program to help me glide into my new self.
It’s that awkward in between stage – where you’re not quite who you were and haven’t yet become who you’re meant to be.

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No Apologies

Why must I apologize for the way I feel? For the way I think? I am not a murderer or a thief. I just want to kiss mouths and travel the world. I just want to have my own opinions and say “I prefer red” when the flamboyant waiter says “we have a large selection of white wines.”

I am a dreamer and I adore my fantasies. I am awake because I must be.

Let’s ride this unicorn and have wild hair. Let’s breath underwater and dubstep on crashing waves.

Will you meet me in my dreams? Where we can be anything and do everything unapologetically. This linear world is getting old.

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Mama’s Words

Don’t be afraid to be you, my child.
Don’t be scared of failing. You just try again, that’s all. It’s just practice.

Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, my little angel. Your opinions matter too. Don’t worry if some others don’t like your style in music, or your hair, or your moods – find those who do – be with them.

Don’t be consumed if some don’t like you – you’re not here to please them. There’s a war in them – it’s not about you. Keep on smiling that beautiful smile irrespective of those who hold hate in their hearts. Smile for you.

It’s okay to be confused, my darling. Life doesn’t come with a map – and even if it did who’s to say you’d want to follow it. Take your time. Be easy on yourself. Forgive yourself. It’s okay not to have all the answers.

If you feel lonely, my sweetheart, know that it comes and goes. Sometimes we get lonely in this big ol’ world. It’s only temporary. Have faith it’ll pass. Give yourself a big hug and know that you still have yourself with you.

Go on now. Go on and be you. No apologies. No reservations.

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Winds

I stand at the top of the mountain looking forward to see the great expanse that lies in front of me. I stretch my arms out to embrace the air that gingerly dances around my body and plays tag with my skin – I am it. The temperature is perfect – not too hot, not too cold. I close my eyes and breathe you in. All of you. My heart pulses to the fire sweet rhythm of my soul.

I am still in love with you.
Your invisible presence never leaves, even when I am red hot coal. Even as I burst like a firecracker in early July.

My instinct is to fall blindly into your arms. To swirl like the galaxies and flow eternally like a petal lost in the winds.

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Free

She throws a gentle smile to herself in the foggy mirror hoping she finally smiles back in satisfaction of her likeness. Blatant traces of her mother’s tired image stares back at her like a frightened owl in the dark of night.

There are days where she’s proud to be her mother’s daughter; a woman whose cracked and callous ridden hands are a trophy of the arduous labor that long sustained her broken family. And then there are days where she wishes she was born to a Wordsworth or a Wellington – you know, someone with power and prestige.

She dreams of one day getting away — finally being free. Free of the uncomfortable, sardine sized cages of her mind. Free of the relentless poverty that entraps her aging body and stifles her effervescent spirit.

 

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Change It UP!

When our routines become overly familiar, life can feel painfully monotonous; bland, like a meal lacking some serious seasoning and a little bit of jalapeño pepper, (I like it spicy).

We can add a dash of flare to our day to day grind by making small changes that can lead to big discoveries and new experiences.

I always walk the same route when going to the gym, for instance. Yesterday, by spontaneity, I decided to turn right just one street before I normally do. I’ve never walked down that block before. As I’m walking down this new path, waving my head back and forth to the funky beat of some dubstep, I suddenly see a colorful sign that reads “fresh smoothies.” I FREAKING LOVE SMOOTHIES! I’ve lived in the area for a little over 2 years and did not know that down this block there existed a lovely little smoothie store that offers freshly squeezed juices and fruit smoothies! This small change in my routine allowed me to discover this cute spot that I can now buy delicious drinks from. I couldn’t be more excited. I walked into the smoothie store after my productive workout and purchased a refreshing, freshly squeezed beet, carrot, apple, and ginger juice! It was great! I walked home with a foot sized smile painted across my face as I joyfully slurped my juice.

This is what I’m talking about! Small changes in your every day routine that may bring you opportunities and experiences to shake up the old and birth the new.

I challenge you to take a new route!
I challenge you to wear your hair in a different style! I challenge you to wear a bold color you’d normally not wear! I challenge you to walk into a random restaurant and order something from the menu! I challenge you to start a conversation with a stranger!
I challenge you to make at least one small change in your routine!

Change it up! You’ll be amazed at how little changes can make your day, and ultimately your life, so much more exciting.

Have fun!

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Moping

You don’t have to feel bad for feeling down. You don’t have to search for a way out like if there is something wrong with you for feeling down. Truth is – you’re feeling down because there is something crappy going on. Life’s a bitch, in part. So if you feel down at times, you are rightfully reacting exactly the way you should. There is nothing wrong with that. Life isn’t happy everyday (unfortunately) — sometimes life is sad.

Sometimes you just have to sit there and feel sad. Just cry. Just feel miserable and let your soul just pour out of you like an open faucet. Cry for as long as you need to. Mope for as long as you need to.

I just spent the last 6-7 hours moping. I cried for a good hour. Now I feel less heavy – though still sad about some things I want to see change for me. (Don’t feel bad for me if you do – crying is normal – we should do it when needed. This is why I am writing this – to say “don’t feel bad for the bad times, they’re normal.”)

I am making a to do list for tomorrow and will begin to work on my desired changes so I no longer have to feel sad about what’s bugging me. Some things I know I can’t change (like never getting sick or never getting old), so I must learn to make peace with what I can’t change and change what I can. Work in progress.

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Lost and Found

Some days it feels like nothing goes my way. My jacket zipper gets stuck. I miss the train by seconds. I travel far for a project that doesn’t pan out. My hair gets brutally tangled in my necklace. I glance at the clock and suddenly I’m running late. I blindly sit on someone’s spilled coffee. A stranger’s bad breath poorly concealed by minty gum is blown towards my face. It takes the cashier 5 painful minutes to return me my change.

Is the world against me? Or am I moving too quickly and have missed the lesson here?

I watch other people pass me by and wonder if their life is easier. Maybe their zippers never get stuck.

I start thinking that if maybe I was someone else then misfortune would somehow escape me.

I know it’s ridiculous to think this – but I do it anyway. Then I come here and write about it.

Then I get over it and come back to the moment.

I play tug of war with the now and my rambling mind. The endless commentary in my head seems to win most of the battles. Yet even in the chaos of my inner world I arrive at luxurious moments of peace.
Then it’s lost again.
Then found.
Then lost.
Then found.

I realize it’s not about how many times I fall but how quickly I get up, beat the thick brown dust off my warrior body and keep on truckin’.

Truck, truck, truckin’.
Truckin’, truckin’.
Truck, truck, truckin’.

Just never gonna stop.

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