“This, too, shall pass.” – Source Unknown
I remember sitting on this spot earlier this year under the blazing heat of the summer. I pondered my choices and felt utterly lost, without a clue as to where life was headed or what I wanted. 
Today, as I sit here and contemplate life, I feel more certain – though the wind of uncertainty still caresses my skin every then and again. I realize that it’s ok to be uncertain, even though it’s a horrible feeling to me. Everything passes. All is fleeting.
And then you realize that things don’t always go the way you wish they would. And you learn that even though you want rainbows in your sky there seems to always be a storm to cloud your sunny day.
Some people overwhelm me.
Some people drain me.
Some people make me feel good.
Some people inspire me.
Some people annoy me.
That’s life. If everyone made me feel the same, I wouldn’t ever learn anything different.
There is no need to argue the truth – the truth speaks for itself.
I am not the same person who started writing this…A second has passed, I am now a second greater.
All things have a breaking point.
So, in a sense, That means all things have some sort of vulnerability since nothing can withstand everything.
Nothing in this world of forms is forever. Even the thing you think is most guaranteed – like the light of the sun – one day will no longer be.
Place your hope not in what your eyes could see and your hands could touch. Place your hope in the eternal. That is where your treasure is.
Your viewpoint is valid.
Don’t want to go anywhere or do anything or be anything…. I hate living today. Why do I exist when I never asked to.
You are who you are and don’t have to apologize for it. You don’t have to feel guilty for feeling how you feel.
It doesn’t have to be one reason, it could be many reasons that all make up the ultimate reason.
Like a pie chart. One chart, many components.
I don’t know how I am supposed to know what I want to do when every day I feel different and want something different. I am not the same every day, so how can I say what I want tomorrow when I can only know what I want today? I don’t know what I’ll want tomorrow.
It is Fear’s job to protect you of life’s dangers, so it’s only natural to feel afraid. Fear becomes a problem when your life is guided by it, keeping you stuck and blocking your intuitive heart. Find your balance. Feel when to go and when to stay.
Let me show you how beautiful you really are. Let me show you how perfect you are.
But I need you to trust me.
Give me your hand.
Don’t be afraid.
It’s the magic that happens when we look in each other’s eyes. It’s the feeling of forgetting the world because we are all that matter. It’s that childlike curiosity and the tingly feeling in your stomach. It’s that magnetic force that pulls us back together when it’s been too long.
And sometimes it’s the daunting fear that I will never see you again. But it’s always the hope that when I open my eyes, you will be standing right there again.
Life is a jungle and you were selected to explore it. Even with all the people around you, you’re the one who must ultimately walk your path.
You don’t want to hold on too tight to things. It’s all going to go, go, go. Sooner or later it’ll all go, go, go.
I see same digits every day without planning to. 1:11, 11:11, 12:12, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 10:10. These are the most common. Which is basically all of them. Except 5:55, which I think I see less of. I always feel happy when I see them. I hear some say that they are messages from the universe. Are they? I don’t know. I would really like it to be.
I don’t know how to really draw the line between what is truly real and what is man made mumbo jumbo. I wish I could know. I really do.
I have trouble at times feeling really confident in any one belief because I feel like everything is always changing. For example, if I believe in this X now, 1 second from now this X is not the same because it’s now one second old – it has changed (even if at a minuscule level) since its original time. So how can I become grounded in any one thing if all things are changing moment by moment?
I hate it. I hate that I get so confused by it all and that I just don’t know it all.
Some say that we should become satisfied with not knowing. Are we giving up by saying it’s enough not to know? If you could know, wouldn’t you want to? I would.
If I had a choice I would choose knowledge.
But that’s my personal choice.
But, of course, until then, I’ll just settle for not knowing. For wondering. For exploring.
For having enough, for now.
I thought I had this “enlightenment” path going pretty darn well for me – then I spent a week with my mom.
I learned a lot about myself and the world.
I learned that I am still pretty impatient and can get easily ticked off when the right buttons are pushed. I became rapidly irritated with my mother’s lack of understanding of herself and her constant fears of the world, throwing much of my inner peace work out of the window for a moment. I became critical of her and sometimes even embarrassed to be related to her.
I still have a whole laundry list of internal issues to figure out, overcome and improve on.
I still often walk around with a commentary voice in my head – comparing, judging, projecting fears, blaming. I realize also that when I make snobby little internal comments like “Oh, this person is so not present” that I am ALSO not present. It’s so easy to judge others and not see where I am at fault.
I had a friend once say, “When you point ONE finger, you also have 3 others pointing right back you.” 
This is so true. It’s similar to what Jesus said, “Take the wood from your own eye before trying to take the spec from your brother’s eye.” Ouch. Burn.
Yet even with all my shortcomings, I must not blame myself for being as I am currently in time. I know that I am evolving and on the way to becoming my best self, so there is no reason to beat myself up because I am still crawling and not yet walking. This alone is a huge step for me, especially since I have been master of Karate chopping myself up for not getting it all “right.”
Each day and each challenge offers me new opportunities for growth. I am excited for my evolutionary process, though it is not an easy journey. It varies, really. Some days are easy, some days are hard, some days are in between. I notice that depending on the state of mind I approach my day with, the better or worse it turns out. I am a major advocate for inside out living because I know that my internal emotional state is something I always have the ability to control. When I feel good and my mind is clear, my day feels brighter and more meaningful. When I am gloomy and feel unmotivated, my day also feels foggy and without purpose. The outside world is a major reflection of my inner world.
Let’s keep on climbing, keep on expanding! The view is going to be phenomenal!
Life is my best teacher – our best teacher.
“Wherever you go, there you are” – Jon Kabat-Zinn
I realize more clearly that no matter where I go, I will follow. And what I mean by this is that I can’t run away from myself. I can change my environment, move away, change jobs, change friends, change partners – but I will still be the same consciousness dealing with the same issues no matter what new circumstance I am in. I can’t run away from myself simply by changing the external world. I must change my internal world first; I must face myself, not run away. If I change myself from the inside, then it will not matter where I am because I will be just fine.
For instance, sometimes I am shy to express myself and I think that if I move where no one knows me, then maybe I can feel less shy to express myself. But then I find myself visiting new places only to find the shyness still present.
Or sometimes I feel awkward about how I look in a bathing suit so I think that maybe if there were less people at the beach I will feel more comfortable. Yet even with very little people at the beach, I still feel awkward.
See? I am externalizing an internal issue. I keep saying things like “When I move, I will feel better” or “When people grow nicer, I will think the world is a better place.” But the more I meditate and experience life, I see that I need to work on my internal issue, not the external world. Sure, having the external conform to my ideals help, but so long as I still have an internal conflict, no matter how perfect everything in the outside world is, my experience will still be distorted by my warped perspective. But better yet, if I build a strong, loving, and accepting internal world for myself, then no matter what is going on in the outside world I will still be peachy! Change, my friends, happens from the inside out.
I need to look in myself and see what is it in ME that I am projecting out into the world – and start by fixing that. One step at a time.
It’s a journey! And even though it may hurt sometimes, the process is so rewarding.
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