I thought I had this “enlightenment” path going pretty darn well for me – then I spent a week with my mom.
I learned a lot about myself and the world.
I learned that I am still pretty impatient and can get easily ticked off when the right buttons are pushed. I became rapidly irritated with my mother’s lack of understanding of herself and her constant fears of the world, throwing much of my inner peace work out of the window for a moment. I became critical of her and sometimes even embarrassed to be related to her.
I still have a whole laundry list of internal issues to figure out, overcome and improve on.
I still often walk around with a commentary voice in my head – comparing, judging, projecting fears, blaming. I realize also that when I make snobby little internal comments like “Oh, this person is so not present” that I am ALSO not present. It’s so easy to judge others and not see where I am at fault.
I had a friend once say, “When you point ONE finger, you also have 3 others pointing right back you.”
This is so true. It’s similar to what Jesus said, “Take the wood from your own eye before trying to take the spec from your brother’s eye.” Ouch. Burn.
Yet even with all my shortcomings, I must not blame myself for being as I am currently in time. I know that I am evolving and on the way to becoming my best self, so there is no reason to beat myself up because I am still crawling and not yet walking. This alone is a huge step for me, especially since I have been master of Karate chopping myself up for not getting it all “right.”
Each day and each challenge offers me new opportunities for growth. I am excited for my evolutionary process, though it is not an easy journey. It varies, really. Some days are easy, some days are hard, some days are in between. I notice that depending on the state of mind I approach my day with, the better or worse it turns out. I am a major advocate for inside out living because I know that my internal emotional state is something I always have the ability to control. When I feel good and my mind is clear, my day feels brighter and more meaningful. When I am gloomy and feel unmotivated, my day also feels foggy and without purpose. The outside world is a major reflection of my inner world.
Let’s keep on climbing, keep on expanding! The view is going to be phenomenal!
Life is my best teacher – our best teacher.