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Self-esteem

You are your guarantee

Your value does not come from another, your value comes from YOU

You decide your worth – not someone else

You have inherent value – you belong
If it were not so, you would not be here

The fact that you exist is already proof that life itself wants you here

But beyond the philosophical stuff
On a practical day to day sense — you need to learn to work on your self esteem so that you don’t put your worth and or sense of peace on the hands of another person

If everyone were to like you but you didn’t like you – what good would that really do? Your experience would still suck because you are rejecting yourself

If everyone didn’t like you, but you didn’t care and you liked yourself and still felt okay within yourself, then it wouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks because your sense of peace, joy, and feeling okay is not dependent – it is inherent and independent

On a more realistic sense —

Some people will like you and some people will not — and it doesn’t mean there is something inherently wrong with you

Not everyone likes chocolate cake – yet chocolate cake is delicious (to me, and to others who think the same)
Not everyone likes sea food (I’m not a huge fan of sea food – some people love it)

Not everyone likes the cold weather – some people enjoy the cold

Some people don’t like cilantro, some people do
Some people don’t like horror movies, some people do

Do you get it?

And honestly, if people were to give each other a chance they would probably find something in common to vibe about. I would say it’s probably rare to entirely dislike someone if you haven’t even given yourself a chance to get to know them at least on some common level.

We all have things in common
and I am sure if we gave each other at least a chance we would see that we could find there is at least one thing to like about each other (but anyway, that is also another topic)

Here is the point I am making:
Learn to like and accept yourself and stop needing someone else to accept and like you in order to feel okay with yourself

Work on your self-esteem
Work on your personal development
Work on your self care
Work on developing your skills
Work on your hobbies
Make friends with people who share your interests
Expand your connections
Work on your mindset

Stop thinking that you NEED a relationship in order to be okay – you don’t
You can be fine single and you can learn to enjoy your own company

When you enjoy your own company you will not be desperate for another to fulfill you because you will already be fulfilled on your own

a relationship gets to be a choice and you get to invite the right partner into your life
a partner who is equally invested in you and who is a compatible fit

Take care of yourself first

Sad

You have every right to be sad

About the love that didn’t work

About your career moving so slow

about the tragedies in the world

about the sickness

about your team losing

about the family member who died

about your hair thinning and the cavity on your tooth

about the fact that you are aging and losing your youthful look

about the fact that at the end of the day we all just end up dead

That is the story

the truth is, that despite life’s many beauties, love and wonders — the story of life, is actually one that does not have a happy ending 😦

It’s sad

Suffering

Life has its beautiful moments
but it also serves us a fair share of suffering

This post is to acknowledge the suffering

Today I find myself in tears
thick, warm droplets stream down my cheeks
paper towels soaked of the storms from my eyes
though I can’t identify exactly why

But if I tried to explain why it would sound a little something along the lines of: existential dread combined with feeling lost, pressures of needing to be productive yet feeling suffocated creatively, while also recovering from being sick this week

Having been sick this week has once again reminded me of the finitude of life
That life is unpredictable and fragile
That our destination is to each day age some more and each day get closer to death

And I just want to take a moment to acknowledge that it’s sad to be sick
It’s sad when we go through moments of struggle

It’s sad when we see the people we love struggle, age, get sick and die

It’s sad going through loss
It’s sad going through heart break
It’s sad losing the things you’ve worked so hard for
It’s sad going through financial struggles
It’s sad when things are sad


Existence also comes with sadness


So I’d like to take a moment to sit with the sadness
and to admit that life isn’t just beautiful
It’s also hard… and it’s also sad

-Meseeks, photo credit to illustrators of Rick and Morty

Guarantee

You are your only guarantee
Everyone else is an external factor

when you were born, you were there
and at every moment of every day until the end of your life, you are the one who will always be there

people will come and go
places will come and go
things will change

some people may leave you because they no longer love you or wish to be in your life
some will leave you because they die
some will exit for whatever other circumstance

get comfortable with your own company
stop trying to seek someone else to make you feel happy, loved and okay
learn to enjoy your own company
learn to be okay with your own presence

you do not need a relationship in order to be okay


be okay on your own
this way you can invite people into your life out of true desire rather than a need to escape your loneliness

spend time on your hobbies
invest in your personal development and career
read a book
take a class
find a recipe and cook something new
have a self care practice
write a blog
make time to spend with people who nourish you and make you feel seen, accepted, loved

remember that you are your only guarantee and you are the one who will be with you 24/7, 365 until death — make peace and friends with yourself

learn to be comfortable in your body
learn to be comfortable in your life
learn to feel safe and okay with yourself
(not in an arrogant I don’t need nobody typa way, but in a healthy “I feel at ease with myself and my life” typa way) and from this energy go out and make connections, enjoy your life

let go of the desperate need to have someone else complete you
you already are complete
you are your guarantee
everyone and everything else outside you will come and go,
until eventually you go too
(RIP)

it’s all temporary
make the best of it
enjoy your own company and consequently the right people will come into your life to add to it

when you treat yourself right and feel okay with yourself it’s easy to spot bad relationships and people who aren’t healthy for you — because you already know your standard and you are already okay on your own

YOU do it

something that makes my eyes roll is when people put all the responsibility on ”THEM” or “THEY” or ”THE GOVERNMENT”

they’re not feeding the poor
they’re not improving the schools
they’re not cleaning the streets

they they they they 🙄

like bitch, why don’t YOU do something

why don’t you go volunteer and gather up some people to feed the hungry?

why don’t you and 10 of your complaining friends donate monthly to improve education?

when was the last time you cleaned up your own community?

Why are we putting all the responsibility on

”THEY” and “THEM”?

YOU go do something and stop waiting for anybody else

YOU be the damn change

Earth is all of our home

Any one of us can make a positive impact, however small

Did you know you could pick up trash in your neighborgood just like THEY could?

Let’s start taking some personal accountability for the changes we wish to see

Let’s work together to make Earth a pleasant place for life to thrive in

This is all of our homes

and you and I can take responsibility too, not just ”them”

Proposal: Why Don’t We…

Why don’t we make planet Earth a more enjoyable place for us all to live in

Why don’t we make things easier for each other

We have the power to work together to change the rules

Why not make it easier for us all

Why do homes need to be hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars
Why do work days need to be so long
Why do degrees have to be so expensive making our people start their careers already in a financial deficit
Why are we making each other struggle when we could create more balance, more harmony instead

Why don’t we work together to improve systems that are keeping people in poverty
Why don’t we work together to reduce work days and create better schedules so our people can have more time to actually enjoy life and work reasonable hours

What’s this rush and hustle system we have put in place that is contributing to stress, overwhelm, depression and burnout. People are working hard and still just getting by

What conversations do we need to be having so that we can educate our people
Where we can prioritize mental health, wellbeing, and create better systems that allow for more ease and flow

Everyone is important

Why should the pizza makers struggle just because they are pizza makers? Don’t we enjoy pizza?
Why should our servers struggle just because they serve? Don’t we enjoy sitting in restaurants and being served?
Why should our doctors and nurses be overworked? Can’t we create better scheduled rotation systems?

What is the conversation that we need to be having so we can create a better world for ourselves

Why are we hurting each other instead of working together as a team for our beautiful home – the EARTH

Everyone matters
The sanitation workers
The piolets
The servers
The icee man selling coco, cherry, mango icee on the sidewalk

The train conductor
The bus driver
The deli man
The baker
The creatives
The architects
The instagram influencer
The artists
The fill in the ___________________

we all contribute

why should a human be seen as less than because they have a different calling?
The tree is not a flower and a flower is not a rock and a rock is not the ocean and the ocean is not the land – yet each element plays its own role in the ecosystem that is life

so why don’t we make our planet – which is home to us all who reside here – an enjoyable place for us to be?

we can work together to improve health care, share knowledge, share each others gifts in support of making our world a good place we can be proud of

whatever the obstacles, let’s talk about it, let’s use good reason
let’s honor the differences and find a way to respect the differences but still have harmony

like a song with different tones — each tone is unique, yet it can still be in harmony with the other

Cuddled

Some moments are truly better than others

Those moments of waiting…
Waiting in line
Waiting for a text
Waiting for things to fall into place
Ugh…

Those moments where you are going through the storms of life
Bad news
The car breaks down
You miss the flight
Ugh…

And then there are those moments
aahhh mmmm
Those sweet, sweet moments you wish would never end

Being nestled in your arms
Legs intertwined like a pretzel
The feel of your soft skin resting on mine light a weighted blanket
The subtle smell of your pheromones
Lights dimmed to nothing
Comfortably spinning with you on a rock in space
Perfect temperature
Not hungry

Not wanting…

not wanting anything else but to be cuddled with you


Alone

Ok. I need you to understand that you ARE alone

you are alone

read it again…

you ARE alone

You can have people around you
You can even be having sex
but you ALONE are experiencing what you experience

Yes there is someone next to you
But you ALONE are having that experience

There is no one else within you but you
Each being is its own being

When you get comfortable with this truth
You can learn to stop trying to get an external thing to ultimately fulfill you
Because there is no external thing that could

I do think that perhaps there are more ideal external circumstances
Environments that are more conducive to feelings of happiness and joy, comfort, fulfillment

Like being at a beautiful beach with your beloved sipping a mojito will be much more delightful than getting your foot bitten off by a shark

So yes – there are perhaps more favorable external circumstances

But it doesn’t change that in all circumstances – favorable, unfavorable or in between — you ALONE are the ONE experiencing the experience

Get comfortable with your own company
You don’t need to go anywhere or find anyone or anything in order to BE

You already are
and “wherever you go, there you are”

Be okay with you, whether you are standing at the grocery store, sitting on the toilet, making love, sitting in traffic or bored in your room with nothing to do for the evening.

Just fucking be okay with yourself already, alright???

You are alone. That’s it, there’s nothing to be resolved there. Being alone is not a problem.

Being alone does not have to mean lonely.
Loneliness does not happen only as a result of being alone. You can be in a crowd of people and still feel lonely. You can be in a relationship and still feel lonely.

Feeling lonely and being alone are two different things

You can be alone in the shower singing joyfully to your shampoo bottles and feel perfectly fine

And you can also be alone and feel lonely

lonely is a feeling
Alone is what you are

and it shouldn’t scare you that you are alone (you already ARE… and look at you now, just reading these words all fine and shit in your aloness. See? It’s not scary. You’re fine. YOU’RE FINE)

The fact that you are alone and you can just BE in your lonesome, that should empower you not scare you

You are your guarantee

Even when everyone and everything falls away, you will still be the ONE it all falls away from, and who will be there on the other side of it all? Yep. You got — YOU.

Until you fall away too and it all fades to nothing, but that’s a whole other story

death

I feel like death is something we don’t talk much about

So I wanna talk about it…
because it’s something that is lurking to find us all at some point or another

it’s a strange thing…
we never really know when it’s coming

It makes me sad when I think about it
When I think about life slipping away

I’m doing all this work for it all to just be taken away by the hands of time


One day I will have to say good bye to my body,
good bye to my life and everything I’ve created

what a harsh truth to swallow

nothing is ever ours
NOTHING

so stop thinking anything is truly yours, “my boyfriend, my car, my house, my dog”
yours nothing… everything passes, everything fades — you keep nothing.

Some say there is an after life
Some say we reincarnate
Some say you go to heaven or hell
Some say there is some in between place — purgatory
Some say you die and that’s it — that’s the end

I say — I don’t know what happens, because I really freakin’ don’t…

Is there a chance my consciousness can live without a physical body? If so, for how long?

Even if my consciousness can be transferred to a different host, this body that I now possess will eventually give out. I will have to let go.

It makes me sad to think of myself getting old
To think of my body not being as strong, not as attractive

It makes me sad to think of my loved ones passing away

It makes me sad to think of letting go

This death thing, man… it’s quite a topic to reflect on

The other day as I walked home from the beach I sort of dissociated for a moment as I looked around me at people passing by… some waiting for the light to turn… other’s standing in a corner among themselves talking… a family going for a stroll — isn’t it weird we are all strangers to each other? Just a bunch of strangers crossing the same street. We live on this planet together, but we ignore each other and just keep walking by.

that same day I had a weird thought come through — “we’re all just waiting to die.”

Death, that is our destination.

We go about our lives not really talking about this.
We are born, we experience some things, and at some point we die — death — that is what you’re amounting to.

What exactly is death?

Is it when the body can no longer function in support of your consciousness?

Is time travel a possibility? Could we come back to the same point in time? What is the nature of reality?

I love this being that I am — I would hate to never see her again.

😦

death…
sigh

this topic makes me deeply sad
and it makes me wonder, if ultimately my life just ends, am I making it worth it?

am I loving enough
laughing enough
dancing enough
exploring enough
enjoying enough
or am I too worried about how I look and how much I’ve acquired that I am missing the opportunity to truly live?

damn, idk
lot’s to think about

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