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Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

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elusive

Shiny

I want you to stay shiny in my eyes. I don’t want to lose the spark. The magic.

I want to stay enchanted by you.

I don’t understand me. I’ve wanted this more than anything. And to think that maybe I could have it, that maybe it could be something, kind of stresses me. Worries me. Turns me off.

What in the heavenly fuck is wrong with me?

Why am I unhappy when I have only reasons to be grateful?

There was a moment where it felt like you fell from the pedestal I put you on. Where you didn’t seem as shiny. As dreamy. As this “thing” I need to win over. This “thing” that I need to obtain.

How disgusting I feel to even say that. As if you weren’t the most valuable gem. You are. And sometimes I think you deserve better than me. And sometimes I wonder if you also wonder whether or not you do.

There’s too many unknowns.

I don’t want to distort the image I have of you.

I want you to stay shiny. To stay elusive.

Why am I like this? What is my problem?

 

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Elusive

You keep me on my toes. 

I like it. I hate it. I love it. I’m not sure what to make of it.

I want you to be happy, fulfilled. You deserve to be smiling every day. You’re beautiful. You add light to this dark world. To my dark world, that’s for sure.

I’m trying to figure “life” out. 
I feel like I’ve gotten to some pretty big milestones. A mini enlightenment, if you will.
And by mini, I mean practically microscopic.  Or perhaps, I’m being modest.

Anyway. 

That is all for now.

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