I want you to stay shiny in my eyes. I don’t want to lose the spark. The magic.
I want to stay enchanted by you.
I don’t understand me. I’ve wanted this more than anything. And to think that maybe I could have it, that maybe it could be something, kind of stresses me. Worries me. Turns me off.
What in the heavenly fuck is wrong with me?
Why am I unhappy when I have only reasons to be grateful?
There was a moment where it felt like you fell from the pedestal I put you on. Where you didn’t seem as shiny. As dreamy. As this “thing” I need to win over. This “thing” that I need to obtain.
How disgusting I feel to even say that. As if you weren’t the most valuable gem. You are. And sometimes I think you deserve better than me. And sometimes I wonder if you also wonder whether or not you do.
There’s too many unknowns.
I don’t want to distort the image I have of you.
I want you to stay shiny. To stay elusive.
Why am I like this? What is my problem?