I want you to stay shiny in my eyes. I don’t want to lose the spark. The magic.
I want to stay enchanted by you.
I don’t understand me. I’ve wanted this more than anything. And to think that maybe I could have it, that maybe it could be something, kind of stresses me. Worries me. Turns me off.
What in the heavenly fuck is wrong with me?
Why am I unhappy when I have only reasons to be grateful?
There was a moment where it felt like you fell from the pedestal I put you on. Where you didn’t seem as shiny. As dreamy. As this “thing” I need to win over. This “thing” that I need to obtain.
How disgusting I feel to even say that. As if you weren’t the most valuable gem. You are. And sometimes I think you deserve better than me. And sometimes I wonder if you also wonder whether or not you do.
There’s too many unknowns.
I don’t want to distort the image I have of you.
I want you to stay shiny. To stay elusive.
Why am I like this? What is my problem?
About me pages always make my mind go blank, which is ironic because there's really so much to say. I guess what stumps me is where do I start?
Here are the basics: They named me Laura. They, meaning my parents, who were never married but mingled in 1988 in the country of Brazil, where little me was born.
I grew up in New York City among a melting pot of cultures, smells, and hustle.
I've learned to be a go-getter, thinker, intuitive, lover of life, peace maker, and coffee enthusiast - among other things.
I like to write. I've been keeping a journal since my early teenage years. I created Reflect Out Loud to simply share whatever is on my mind in whatever style that comes up for me. I try to let whatever I put out here be free flowing. I simply want to share my thoughts out in the open.
But to simplify this about me: I am a human, having a human experience. I have a story, just like you have a story. And some of that story you'll see here.
Um... I guess that's pretty much all I have for now.
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