like today when I got a whiff of the way your laundry smelled
not all laundry smells the same yours always smelled distinctly good…
Sometimes the memories just pop back up
Your tall ceilings drinking morning coffee while we sun bathed in your yard tender moments in the shower your cool red lamp and the smell of palo santo the depth of your soul the width of your mind playing music in your office room playing cards your laugh that didn’t happen all that easily so when it did it was extra special exploring consciousness dropping into the body in ways I hadn’t done before your exquisite home cooked meals talented creations & artistry your amazing dog and comfortable, lux sofa.
Sometimes I wonder if you think about me too. If so, when?
When you’re lonely and wish you hadn’t let me go? When you’re having so much fun that you’re glad you let me go? In passing?
things come to an end and the sooner we come to accept it the easier it will be to process the pain
i was in the desert some month ago and there was a moment when i laid on the sandy, rocky ground silence… sun beaming on my skin for a moment i disassociated from my body i was in it but i wasn’t connecting to it focused on my breath, i bled into the moment i could hear flies buzzing, bzzzzzzz, feel them landing on my skin for a moment i felt like a corpse just there to be eaten up by time and then it dawned on me “if you were dead right now, what difference would it really make? life will just keep going… and everything will just keep going…”
here’s the thing… one day everyone and everything you know will come to an end you will die, i will die, and everything will pass away
expect it embrace it so it doesn’t come to you as a shock
life is impermanent and everything is passing
so when your favorite yellow mug breaks into pieces, accept it when your partner walks away, accept it when your hairline recedes, accept it when they fire you from your job, accept it when your dad passes away, accept it when your car breaks down, accept it when your skin sags, accept it when everything falls apart, accept it
now, accepting it doesn’t mean you are passive. it doesn’t mean you do nothing about it
it just means you don’t fight the facts on the journey to manage and cope with the facts
you don’t resist or deny reality you embrace it and from that place of acceptance, you take aligned action and response
or idk maybe you throw a tantrum like a brat fuck it either way it doesn’t matter
choice is yours
anyway…i probably have no idea what i’m saying also… do you notice the gen z influence over me? i write in low caps now (lol)
i’ve had so many new reflections i wanna share with you i also wanna revamp this website a little, especially the “pic me ups” section of it
anyway… i won’t fill your head with nonsense any further for today
And learning to manage all these changes is a bitch. No sooner do we form an attachment do we have to let go.
Let go of friendships. Places. People. Status. Things. Youth. Life itself.
Sometimes we never know when the end will come. It happens abruptly. Other times it’s a slow fade.
But either way it is enevitable.
I’m bringing this to awareness not so much to sulk about change, loss and endings but more so to learn to truly appreciate every moment.
To learn to build maturity around attachment. To learn to have healthy coping mechanisms around endings. To learn to freely let go without a fight, without scrambling to hold on.
Every moment is anew, nothing is ever the same. Everything is change and I accept it with love.