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Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

Tag

friendship

John

I will tell you about John.

John is a good guy. He walks around trying to do the “right thing.” He smiles at people hoping people will smile back. He yearns to connect; he yearns to be accepted and to accept back.

John loves all people. Even people with three or four heads and eyes. Even purple people, blue people, orange people and invisible people.
John is very curious.
John is scared sometimes because he doesn’t like pain. But he does like it when the nurse comes along and rubs alcohol on his boo-boo. It makes him feel loved. Like someone cares about his well-being.

John likes to play. He wishes he could play all day. He wishes he could climb trees and pretend he is a pirate looking out into the ocean for some loot and new found land.
But there is a thing called “job” he has to do.
John doesn’t necessarily dislike the idea of a job – he understands how important functions are to a well operating society. What John doesn’t like is when he is forced to play roles he doesn’t feel comfortable playing.

John wants to walk around the world and give everyone little paper hearts because he wants people to remember how to love.
John wants people to know how to see not just with the eyes, but with their whole entire being.

John gets angry sometimes. He gets angry when the world expects him to be more than what he already is. It is not that John doesn’t want to be more – or “expand” as he would call it, it’s that John wants the freedom to grow at his own pace.

John doesn’t like when he is corrected in a condescending way.
John wants to be the best John he can be and wants to be spoken to in a loving manner, not in a punishing manner.

John is tired now.

I will share more about him another day.

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I am not sure what to call this

There is this deep empty feeling inside me sometimes because I yearn to connect on a true level with other humans but there are barriers stopping real communication. Barriers like titles, and jobs, roles, names and personalities, among other things.

I don’t really know what I am trying to tell you, partially because I don’t know if you’ll understand, and partially because it’s complicated.

I often feel like I am not from this world. So much of my perception is not in line with common perceptions. Although I can perceive the common, I am always seeing beyond it.

I want to communicate with more than just words. I want to be able to use hand gestures and a variety of facial expressions that communicate what I perceive so that you could understand more profoundly what I mean. I want to be able to hum you a sound that translates to the idea that I am having so you could understand what I actually mean. I want to twirl and skip and dance my feelings so you could have a more layered understanding of what I am conveying to you. I want to see you – fully as you are and I want you to see me, fully as I am. I want to understand you, truly understand you and I want you to understand me, truly understand me. I want to know your ways and want you to know my ways so that we could have a deeper understanding of reality and the world.

Sometimes while on the NYC subway I observe my surroundings and see that everyone is in their own little world and I think to myself, “There goes my brother/sister, and I don’t even know him/her.”

I want to transcend. 
I want to break free.
I want to be free.
I want to fly. Fly with me.
May there be harmony all around.
Release me, you poison! Disinfect my soul.

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