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Human

Being human is such a wild ride

That’s all I have for today…

Jk.
I’d also like to add that I am FEELING so much and that I’m praying for a breakthrough.

Who am I? What am I doing? What is it all for?
JUST TELL ME THE ANSWERS.

I’m tired of so many aspects of our world as we have it.

I’m tired of myself too.
Of my insecurities, fear, uncertainty, indecision and dense energy.

I’m also tired of my complaining. It’s so annoying.

Living with yourself when you’re annoying af is annoying af.

What else?

I’m trying to see the picture and get the point.
They say “Trust the process”. They say “Just be patient.”

It’s so tough to pour your heart into something and see no return.

It’s like I’m being tested. It’s like I’m delusional.

What are we doing?

The more I learn the more I’m shocked at how unconscious we are. The more you see the more light shines through and it all starts making sense.
The dots connect.

Ugh.

I don’t even wanna share this.
I was also ashamed about the last post I created here.

But this was meant to be a place for my unfiltered thoughts for you to see. And now I’m justifying.

I wanted to tell you about my anger too.

But also, about love, hope and trust.

But I’m tired now so I’ll leave you with this…

I think there’s power in our thoughts.

There’s power in our energy

and I’m having a hard time calibrating mine. I don’t know who I am and what I want, or what the whole point even is. And why does it have to be so dramatic and intense for me? Why do I burden myself with needing to figure out this mystery of life?

To be continued.

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Human

I woke up from my sleep and now I’m in tears

I had no intention to write here

but the idea and inspiration came over me

“Do it later. Tomorrow. Why now?” My mind chimed in,

yet my body drove itself to the phone, carried itself to the couch and here I am. Tears on my face. Lights off. Room lit by a salt lamp and the light emanating from my phone.

Who am I? What am I doing here? What is this experience? Why?

I am wildly human

and sometimes it really saddens me

I see myself in my imperfection

in my humanity

with my needs, wants, expectations

Sometimes I observe myself in action, in my humanity

wanting recognition

thinking I’m better than, thinking I’m less than- thinking this, thinking that — so many thoughts swirling through my head

some days I want to give up

on life, on myself, on the work I do, on everything

and nothing makes me more sad than that part of my truth. That I could get to a point of feeling so broken that it leaves me feeling with a lack of desire for life

I get tired of my own humanity

and I get tired of the humanity of others

I get tired of my experience, because something feels off about it sometimes

I get to these moments where I lose hope for our species. I let the fear, worry, doubt, dissatisfaction win

but it’s for a moment, it’s not all of me

I see the suffering in the world and I want to fix it

I see my own suffering and I want to fix it

what do I have to complain about? I have food in the fridge, a bed to lay in, electricity, heated water that is flowing through pipes that I can turn on in an instant to bathe in. I have clothes, shoes, plants, books, electronics, access to internet, diplomas, a beach less than a mile away.

Yet somehow I still find something to complain about

Sigh… my humanity 😦

I’m sad.

I’m sad for all the people who are struggling. I am sad for all the times I have struggled.

Sometimes I think there is a God. A good God. A kind of God, life, reality and realm where everything truly is perfect. Beautiful, whole, complete and there is no fear— no judgment. No worries. Nothing to do, be, get. Pure bliss. Joy. Rest.
And that perhaps that is the truth of where it’s all at. And that right now we are just having a temporary experience. To learn and to grow. But that in the end we are all safe. We are all okay. Everything is okay. Everyone and everything is good and safe.

Sometimes it’s hard to neglect that there is something truly beautiful happening here. When I observe the perfection of a leaf. The perfection of our bodies — so well designed. The variety of creatures on Earth — each designed so intricately. Everything designed with such precision, mastery, art.

I look around and I see everything that is already working, and I can’t help but be in awe. In gratitude.

At times I feel as if I have no choice but to surrender. To have faith.

Who am I really to even do anything about anything? Sometimes I wonder that too…

Who am I not to?

I can’t let the negative voice win

It’s a constant battle

to get to the light…

I have to keep believing that despite my humanity, despite my flaws, there is something greater orchestrating our world for good

or at least that’s my hope that it ultimately is for good

Ahhhh I don’t wanna ramble your ear off anymore, or your eyes since you’re reading this

Some days I lose hope

but for the most part I believe

I believe and I trust

and I hope that if I do my part, try my best, do my best, give my best and keep hoping for the best — maybe it will be enough

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Give Yourself Permission

Give yourself permission to just breathe.
To relax.
To let go.
To be still.

Forgive yourself.
For all the times you’ve been so mean to you. For all the times you looked at yourself in the mirror and wished you didn’t have to be you. You didn’t have to exist. For all the times you expected too much of yourself. Pushed yourself too hard. Beat down on yourself for not being “quite there yet.”

There are days where not moving, not doing, not planning, not rushing, not adding another task to your endless to do list is the answer. 
There comes a time when you just have to lay down. Sleep. Rest. Lock yourself away from the world. Give yourself the space to just be. To not have to figure out all the details.

Hold space for yourself. 
Comfort yourself.

It’s okay to not be okay. To take time off. To not have it all together all the time. To put down the heavy burdens and take a breather. Even the almighty God took a break. So much more you, mighty human, need a day to turn off and recharge. 

It’s okay to disconnect.
It’s okay to say “You know what? Today I am not doing anything.”

Lay in bed all day.
Give your body the rest it needs to function.

Sleep.
Let your mind have time to slow down and recharge.

Breakdowns are a normal part of the human experience.
Give yourself permission to breakdown.

Life is actually pretty darn hard sometimes.
There is so much going on. So many to do’s. So many expectations. 
It is natural to want to pause. 

Hold space for yourself to be human. To slow down. To soften the pace.

Just be here right now. 
Giving yourself permission to simply exist without the need to manage anything, control anything. fix anything, or figure anything out right now.

Allow yourself to be right where you’re at in this moment. 
Allow yourself to take a break.
To breathe.
To be.

 

Ups, Downs, and in Betweens

There are moments in time where I feel so bored and so blah about life and where I am headed. I start thinking about all the things that went wrong and how I should have taken action earlier. I ruminate.

Yesterday I heard a powerful message by Shirly Joy Weiss, where she reminds us of how normal this act of having negative thoughts is. She goes on to say that it would be a joke to think that we, as humans, wouldn’t experience negative thoughts and emotions. She reinforces that it would be a joke to think that even spiritual teachers themselves don’t go through difficult moments and have negative thoughts and emotions. She recalls to us that this is a fact of life and it’s one of the most normal of experiences. Hearing her reaffirm these statements just made me feel so much better about being human. It’s ok to be bored sometimes. It’s ok to have negative thoughts. All these things come and go. Even the positive thoughts come and go. Our thoughts don’t define us – not the positive, not the negative. We will experience highs, lows, neutrals, in betweens and all else in the spectrum. This is what it means to be alive. To experience. To learn. To be.

We just have to flow with it and remind ourselves that we are so much more than our thoughts and we have to continue to persevere. Let’s persevere together! We can overcome our obstacles and not feel bad because sometimes we fall a little short. We’re human! It’s part of the program!

We got this. Let’s keep on moving! Keep on dancing to the beat of our beautifully unique soul!

WE ROCK!

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