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Change The Facts

Realizing it is half the battle.

At one point or another you stand before yourself facing the reality you’re currently in. You see that what you’re doing is not working. You notice that the choices  you’ve been making and the habits you’ve formed are not compatible with the version of life you want to experience.

You’ve been saying yes when you mean no.
You’ve been overly nice.
You’ve been giving more than you’ve been receiving.
You’ve been laughing at jokes you don’t even find funny, only to keep the peace and eliminate how awkward it would be if  you were to dare to hurt anyone’s feelings.
You’ve been playing small. Asking what everyone else thinks before asking yourself what you think.
You’ve been scared to voice your opinion. To stand alone if no one else agrees.
You’ve been downplaying your value. Not trusting your own self for fear of getting it wrong, as if it’s possible to get EVERYTHING right ALL THE TIME. 

Coming to realize yourself in your patterns is the first step. Good job. You know now. You’re aware now. 

But here is where it gets tricky.
“What the fuck do I do about this new found knowledge of who I am, who I’ve been, where I am and more important where the heck am I going and who do I need to be to get there?” 

I’ll tell you what you’re gonna have to do. You’re going to look at the FACTS and then you’re going to CHANGE THE FACTS.

Fact is: I say yes when I mean no. New fact is: I say no when I mean no.
Fact is: I am overly nice. New fact is: I’m kind, not stupid.
Fact is: I give more than I receive. New fact is: I’m fair – take it or leave it.
Fact is: I hide what I really feel. New fact is: I tell it like it is.
Fact is: I’m afraid to speak my opinion. New fact is: I speak and stand behind my opinions without fear, even if it means standing alone.
Fact is: I don’t trust myself. New fact is: I trust myself.

See, knowing that there is something about yourself or your life that isn’t quite in resonance is only step one. Without step 2, which is to turn the current facts into new facts by LITERALLY and PHYSICALLY causing a REAL change in both thought and behavior you’re only left with realizations. And simply realizing it is not enough. There needs to be an added element of FUCK THIS SHIT, I’M UPGRADING MY THOUGHTS AND MY BEHAVIORS TO MATCH THE EXPERIENCE OF LIFE I TRULY WANT. 

Will it be easy? Fuck no.
Will there be challenges. Heck yeah. 

But let me tell you dear friend, it is better to fight for the life you do want then to live in defeat stuck in a miserable reality you hate. 

What have you been realizing lately? What are the facts? And tell me, what are the new facts? Get clear on it and get to work. I’ll be fighting for the same over here on my end. Let’s make it happen. 

Victory be upon us.

Grace.

❤

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Learn to Live

Suddenly it clicked.

I’ve been making my life into a project that needs to be “fixed” rather than an experience to live.

I’ve been stuck perpetuating negative thoughts and emotional patterns it’s no wonder it feels like I’m on a treadmill running fast but getting nowhere.

I keep adding wood to the fire. No wonder it keeps burning.

If I’m going to step into the experience of life I truly want then I need to stop repeating the same old habits.

Why do I keep feeling so shitty? Oh, yeah, duh – because I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me and then spend hours on end trying to fix me. It’s like I’m always in the repair shop!

BUT I’M COMING OUT, FOLKS! (Out of the repair shop, not like the closet or anything… not that there’s anything wrong with that… I digress)

 

I must create new habits!

I must get outta my own head. Focus on actually living my life rather than solving my life. I need to involve myself in more activities. Go to a yoga class. Take up pottery. Go for a run. Learn a new skill or language. Play games. Start a coloring book. Take walks with friends. Do anything but sit here for hours on end immersed in self-help, sel-improvement content. WTF!

Don’t get me wrong, improving one’s self is a beautiful thing but not on an obsessive level. (Guilty)

 

I’m also not saying I should just go distract myself in order to avoid my issues, no. I’m saying it’s not good to make every day a “fix myself” project. If I’m always fixing myself when do I actually just live and just be? I often don’t! I’m too busy wondering if the world approves of me!

#aintnobodygottimefordat

I am awakening to the realization that I am no longer making my life into some kind of project. I’m here in life to have fun and enjoy myself, not pick apart every detail and try to make it into some perfect polished package. No mas mis amigos!

It’s time to really have fun on this ride called life and to stop taking things so seriously.

What a breath of fresh air to know that I’m fine and I could just BE!

 

 

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Emotions and Self Love Reflections

For a while I’ve been recording videos to myself about the random shit I think about throughout time — ya know, stuff like my feelings and what the heck am I gonna do with my life.

Sigh. Woe is me.

These videos were never meant to be shared. They were for my purposes. To see myself progress through time and to process my internal dialogue OUT LOUD.

BUT now… here is a compilation for your eyes and ears in blurry, perfectly imperfect quality!

 

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Trust Your Unfolding

Try this new method of relating with the circumstances in your life: completely release having to control all the details and timing and just trust that everything will align.

If you’re anything like me then you want everything done yesterday and at the speed of light. You stress and worry about whether or not the things you want will manifest into your life. BUT ENOUGH of living like this. ENOUGH of living under pressure. Wouldn’t life be more fun if you just chilled the F* out? Where are you rushing to? Do you really think that stressing is going to make things happen faster? It’s not. Things will happen at the speed that they will happen whether you stress it or not. So why not chill out and trust the unfolding instead? It’s way more fun this way!

Take the necessary action to get yourself from A to B and then CHILL. Do your part. Whatever that is.

-Wake up early.
-Create a resume.
-Network.
-Research.
-Go to the gym.
-Eat a healthy meal.
-Start that website.
-Create that dating profile.
-Write that blog post.
-Get out of the house and go for a walk.
-Start a savings account.
-Apply to new jobs.
-Tell that person “this relationship is no longer working for me.”

WHATEVER IT IS FOR YOU THAT YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO BE DOING – GO DO IT NOW and WHATEVER RESULT YOU ARE WAITING FOR, TRUST THAT IT WILL MANIFEST.

Co-create your life with the universe.

Release feeling like it’s NOT going to happen. Change that mindset of “I’ll never make it.”

EVERY DAY tell yourself: I AM ABLE TO ACHIEVE ALL MY GOALS. LIFE WORKS IN MY FAVOR. EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE.

TRUST!

Take action and release control.
Take action and release control.
Take action and release control.

Trust. Trust. Trust.

SMILE.

Life is working in your favor – STOP LETTING YOUR MIND TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

Start looking at the EVIDENCE that SHOWS you that what you want IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE.

Try this as an experiment: When you see yourself gettin’ all worked up because sh*t’s just not coming together exactly how you want at the speed that you want – BREATHE — and say: I release control in this moment and I relax in the knowing that this is a process and just because it is not in front of me in this PRECISE moment, does not mean that it will NOT happen.

OF COURSE it’s going to work out!
Of COURSE I am going to achieve my goal. I am unfolding into it. I am trusting this journey.
OF COURSE the universe is on my side.
OF COURSE I am loved.
OF COURSE I am capable.
OF COURSE the doors of opportunity will open for me.
OF COURSE my health is going to improve.
OF COURSE I can bounce back from this rejection.
OF COURSE I can heal my wounds.
OF COURSE I can make this change.
OF COURSE I can have a successful business.

OF COURSE! OF COURSE!

YES! YES! YES!

I am here to tell you YES. RELAX BABY! RELAX.
Take aligned action and RELAX.  IT WILL HAPPEN!

Believe with me. Trust with me. Breathe with me. Take the leap with me.

IT WILL HAPPEN!

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Reality Check

I have finally come to accept and realize that reality is ultimately this: sometimes shitty sometimes not so bad. There are days where everything will flow. Someone will hold the door for you. The train will arrive right when you get there. The local coffee shop will treat you to a free pumpkin spice latte. You’ll find a dollar waiting for you on the sidewalk. And then there are the days when it seems like Satan has crawled out of hell with a personal hit against you. You open your eyes and there are already 5 missed calls, 3 voice mails and 14 messages demanding your attention. The dog chewed on your favorite pair of sneakers and decided to poop in the kitchen. Apparently you didn’t get the memo that they were doing construction and shutting off the water in your building from 7 am – 1 pm. There is no free latte and the $3.97 cup of coffee you just bought happens to spill on your perfectly white blouse. These are the small occurrences. Sometimes life is out to shower you with the big accomplishments – the wedding, the house, the car, the new job. Yet at the same time it’s out to fuck you – the cancer, the receding hair line, the breakup, the gigantic debt that haunts you in your sleep.

So what to do?

I realize you have to take the good with the bad. Roll with the punches. There will be moments where you will be smiling, joyful at all the wonderful things that you have created and that life has lined up and synchronized for you. And then there will be moments where it’ll all be shit. A landfill of steaming shit surrounded by hungry and pregnant flies. You will cry. You will get angry. You will feel lonely, lost, confused. Unsure of what to do and which direction to take. You will experience loss and it’ll hurt. There’s no way around it. The way is through it. But it won’t be shitty every day. It’ll also be fun. Exciting. Awe-inspiring. There will be so much laughter. Romance. Connection. Moments of peace, clarity, calm. You’ll be energized and filled with enthusiasm and zest for life. Just as the ocean waves rises and crashes back down, so will you.
It’ll be easy and it’ll be hard.

That’s just the nature of reality.

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Ramblings…

“Experience life in all possible ways —
good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light,
summer-winter. Experience all the dualities.
Don’t be afraid of experience, because
the more experience you have, the more
mature you become.”
― Osho

Ramblings

What’s there to talk about? The same old thing, the same old stories.
It’s not really “old” though when I really think about it. Every moment is so unique, decorated in its own way, in its own flavor.

I feel like I am going in circles. Chasing something I can’t even describe.
There is this empty feeling I can’t seem to fill.
It isn’t always there, but it’s there, nonetheless.

I want to be happy. Don’t we all? But there are moments where I’m simply not.
Maybe I am ungrateful. And truth is, at times I really am.
I am over trying to cover up the dark side of my self.
Yes. I lie. I cheat. I envy. I hate. I get jealous. I have negative thoughts.
But that’s not all of who I am.
There’s that childish, innocent side. The side that dreams of love, rainbows and peace.
The side that sees no wrong.

There’s also the in between side. Which is a little of everything. That’s who I really am. All of me.

What’s the point of all this I keep asking myself?
What should I live for?
Do I live to chase money so I can buy houses and cars and clothes that leave an impression on people? Regardless of what I do I’ll leave an impression.
What kind of impression do I want to leave? And do I want to impress you or me or a balance of both?
What kind of person do I want to become? What kind of feelings and experiences do I want to be having? How do I even begin to learn what is truly important to me and how not to live to impress others?

I have a hard time answering these questions because I have a long list of “shoulds” implanted in my brain.

According to whose “shoulds” should I live?

I allow too many people to take space in my head and influence my decisions. I feed energy to too many stories.

I also change a lot which makes it hard to even decide on any one thing.
So I am trying to boil it down to experiences and feelings rather than particular details.

Here’s a list:
I want to experience and feel:
Happiness
Pleasure
Peace
Contentment
Confidence
Trust
Fulfillment
Relax
Laughter
Love
Kindness
Belonging
Creativity

Here are some experiences and feelings I want less of:
Fear
Anxiety
Doom
Panic
Hate
Envy
Pity
Lack
Depression
Loneliness
Rush
Confusion

There’s probably a few more I can add to both the lists but this seems enough for starters.

So now that I’ve narrowed what I want to experience and feel more of… how am I going to go about my life to embrace more of those wants?

Good question.

*image credit to google images

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This is my Life

THE DESTINATION IS THE JOURNEY

This is my life – here, now; sitting and writing this message.

This is my life – here, now; rushing to catch the 2:25 train.

This is my life – here, now; walking up the narrow stairs of my workplace.

This is my life – here, now; brushing my teeth while staring at my image in the mirror.

This is my life – here, now; watching the people go by as the cars ride busily on the cramped New York City streets.

This is my life – here, now; crunching a carrot dipped in creamy, supremely spicy hummus.

This is my life – here, now; listening to my favorite jams while completing an intense cardio workout.

This is my life – here, now; crossed legged, sipping on a cool drink as tender winds play with my senses.

There is no place to run to that is outside  the now. This is your life – here, now. Whatever you are doing here and now – that is the entirety of your life. Life is now. The next moment is no guarantee. The future is not yet come and once it does it will be in the now. The past occurred in the now. All there is is now. All your life is now.

You have already arrived. Don’t frazzle yourself as you race to some end – because this is IT.

#thedestinationisthejourney

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Ecstasy

“Realize deeply that present moment is all you ever have.” -Eckhart Tolle 

I don’t want to get There only to miss the entire life I’ve neglected by being blindly consumed with the end rather than fully and profoundly immersed in the Moment.

I want to be wildly in love with the Moment.

My love will be so alive that I will be able to taste sounds and smell colors. I want every atom that composes my existence to connect with every atom that composes the rest of existence. Pure ecstasy. No fear. No shame. No foul, no harm. Just us. Absolute joy. Innocence. Truth.

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Mama’s Words

Don’t be afraid to be you, my child.
Don’t be scared of failing. You just try again, that’s all. It’s just practice.

Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, my little angel. Your opinions matter too. Don’t worry if some others don’t like your style in music, or your hair, or your moods – find those who do – be with them.

Don’t be consumed if some don’t like you – you’re not here to please them. There’s a war in them – it’s not about you. Keep on smiling that beautiful smile irrespective of those who hold hate in their hearts. Smile for you.

It’s okay to be confused, my darling. Life doesn’t come with a map – and even if it did who’s to say you’d want to follow it. Take your time. Be easy on yourself. Forgive yourself. It’s okay not to have all the answers.

If you feel lonely, my sweetheart, know that it comes and goes. Sometimes we get lonely in this big ol’ world. It’s only temporary. Have faith it’ll pass. Give yourself a big hug and know that you still have yourself with you.

Go on now. Go on and be you. No apologies. No reservations.

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