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lonely

Alone

Ok. I need you to understand that you ARE alone

you are alone

read it again…

you ARE alone

You can have people around you
You can even be having sex
but you ALONE are experiencing what you experience

Yes there is someone next to you
But you ALONE are having that experience

There is no one else within you but you
Each being is its own being

When you get comfortable with this truth
You can learn to stop trying to get an external thing to ultimately fulfill you
Because there is no external thing that could

I do think that perhaps there are more ideal external circumstances
Environments that are more conducive to feelings of happiness and joy, comfort, fulfillment

Like being at a beautiful beach with your beloved sipping a mojito will be much more delightful than getting your foot bitten off by a shark

So yes – there are perhaps more favorable external circumstances

But it doesn’t change that in all circumstances – favorable, unfavorable or in between — you ALONE are the ONE experiencing the experience

Get comfortable with your own company
You don’t need to go anywhere or find anyone or anything in order to BE

You already are
and “wherever you go, there you are”

Be okay with you, whether you are standing at the grocery store, sitting on the toilet, making love, sitting in traffic or bored in your room with nothing to do for the evening.

Just fucking be okay with yourself already, alright???

You are alone. That’s it, there’s nothing to be resolved there. Being alone is not a problem.

Being alone does not have to mean lonely.
Loneliness does not happen only as a result of being alone. You can be in a crowd of people and still feel lonely. You can be in a relationship and still feel lonely.

Feeling lonely and being alone are two different things

You can be alone in the shower singing joyfully to your shampoo bottles and feel perfectly fine

And you can also be alone and feel lonely

lonely is a feeling
Alone is what you are

and it shouldn’t scare you that you are alone (you already ARE… and look at you now, just reading these words all fine and shit in your aloness. See? It’s not scary. You’re fine. YOU’RE FINE)

The fact that you are alone and you can just BE in your lonesome, that should empower you not scare you

You are your guarantee

Even when everyone and everything falls away, you will still be the ONE it all falls away from, and who will be there on the other side of it all? Yep. You got — YOU.

Until you fall away too and it all fades to nothing, but that’s a whole other story

Lonely Next to You

You could be laying next to someone and still feel lonely. Disconnected. Unloved.

Which I think points to the fact that loneliness and being alone are different.

You could be alone and not feel lonely.

I think I’m being pointed back to the same lesson.

But its taken some time for it to fully sink in.

Sometimes we ignore our hunches.

We know intuitively that something/someone isn’t quite right for us. But we keep trying to make it work. Trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Trying to fit the slipper in the wrong foot. Hoping that maybe just a little more time, just a little more investment will do the trick.

We leave disappointed every time. Tired from unreciprocated efforts.

Eventually someone else comes around and reminds you of how you should be treated. You KNOW the difference. You observe the difference.

They call. They ask about your day. They remember the details. They go beyond.

And then you think to yourself “Oh! Right! That’s exactly how it should feel like!”

And then the sick part of you goes “Why doesn’t s/he do what this person’s doing?”

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And if we don’t get out of this mindset fast we start going into the dark hole of “Why aren’t I good enough?” Or “What can I do to win this person?”

Fuck that.

You don’t have to win anybody.

Don’t go on living to try to be enough for someone.

And don’t wait for someone who isn’t all there to make up their mind about you.

Be with someone who is 100% all in.

Who won’t make you feel like you have to convince them that you’re good enough.

Know your worth. Know that you deserve someone who loves you like you love them.

But even then that doesn’t mean you’re permanently free from feeling lonely.

Sometimes loneliness hits even when you have all of that love you crave. Or even when you’re surrounded by people.

But I’ll talk more about that next time.

 

 

Alone Not Lonely

So what’s up with the stigma on being alone?

Alone doesn’t mean lonely.

I love the expression on people’s faces when they ask what I’m going to do for my birthday or thanksgiving this year and I either tell them I have no plans or am going to do something by myself.

“Gasp! What. No. You shouldn’t be by yourself.”

Why?
I love my own company.
I have no problem going out for walks on my own. Taking myself to breakfast, lunch, dinner. Showing up solo to events. Introducing myself to strangers.

I would consider myself an omnivert, which as defined by the good ol’ urban dictionary means “Someone who is an introvert and extrovert.”

I don’t care for some people.
And I don’t mean that I don’t care about them or their wellbeing – I genuinely wish everyone good. But what I mean is that some people just don’t interest me. Others annoy me. Their ideas are whatever. Meh.

It’s such a relief to own up to this truth. That I really just don’t vibe with every person. Just like every person doesn’t vibe with me.
It’s fine.
It doesn’t mean anyone is better or worse. Just different. I’m oil, you’re water – or vice versa, I don’t care. You get the picture.

I want to become more assertive.
To not laugh at people’s jokes who I don’t find funny simply as to not make it awkward.
Fuck that.

Why do I get so worried about hurting people’s feelings?

I guess I was taught to be polite. Extremely polite.

But is polite just another work for fake?
Because that’s what I’m being when I smile at your face but inside I really couldn’t care less.

I don’t want to be like that.

I think people are too sensitive.

So what if I don’t care for you and don’t agree with you? I’m not deliberately hurting you at the end of the day. I’m just living my life in my own bubble. Stop being so sensitive. Grow some skin.

I need to grow some skin too though. So I’m not one to talk too confidently on the matter of sensitivities.

I need more skin. More balls. Less fucks.

Anyway.
That’s my rant on that.

In conclusion,
down with the stigma that being alone is a bad thing. It’s not.
It’s fucking glorious if you ask me.
Obviously not all the time – that’s just some sociopath type shit.
But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking yourself out and simply enjoying the company of your own being.

So go. Plan a date with yourself. And fuck the haterz.

#endthestigma

Mama’s Words

Don’t be afraid to be you, my child.
Don’t be scared of failing. You just try again, that’s all. It’s just practice.

Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, my little angel. Your opinions matter too. Don’t worry if some others don’t like your style in music, or your hair, or your moods – find those who do – be with them.

Don’t be consumed if some don’t like you – you’re not here to please them. There’s a war in them – it’s not about you. Keep on smiling that beautiful smile irrespective of those who hold hate in their hearts. Smile for you.

It’s okay to be confused, my darling. Life doesn’t come with a map – and even if it did who’s to say you’d want to follow it. Take your time. Be easy on yourself. Forgive yourself. It’s okay not to have all the answers.

If you feel lonely, my sweetheart, know that it comes and goes. Sometimes we get lonely in this big ol’ world. It’s only temporary. Have faith it’ll pass. Give yourself a big hug and know that you still have yourself with you.

Go on now. Go on and be you. No apologies. No reservations.

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