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patience

Cloud 9

I am so in love with my life right now it’s overwhelming. This is not common for me. I don’t even know what to do with it.

The level of creativity that is pulsating through my body is to the level where it’s giving me anxiety. This anxiety in part is felt like excitement. Heart racing. Ideas flowing through my mind like a river.

There was a moment I jumped up and down on my bed in expression of excitement.

I am having PINCH ME moments.

So many beautiful visions.

But there is also a lot of anxiety. A lot of fear.

There was a moment I literally had to hold my chest and breathe myself back into calm.

In the next few days I will be working on balancing all this energy out. I need to learn to balance myself and have clear focus. I’m practicing.

It’s extremely scary when you start to see manifestation occur before your eyes.

There’s also a lot of shit I need to detox. Cleanse. Release. Breathe out.

I’m impatient as fuck.

And there’s still so much work to be done!

 

*BREATHE IN*

*BREATHE OUT*

This breathing thing is REAL. It helps with anxiety FO REAL.

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Release Control

There are things you can control and there are things you can’t.

You can do your part – whatever that is and then you can fold your arms, sit back and wait for the universe to respond. After you do your part, you gotta release control. It’s crazy making to do anything other than simply relax because there is literally nothing else you can do but wait for the response.

The response may not always be what you like it to be. Because in your small mind you think things need to work out a certain way, in a certain time frame.

The wild fact is we forget that we live in a massive reality with so many moving parts it’s actually mind blowing.

THINK ABOUT IT DUDE, we are in a huge planet spinning in a galaxy surrounded by other huge planets. But forget those other planets for now and let’s just zoom into our own. 

Think about everything that is happening right now simultaneously as you unfold. Think about the people in Asia, Africa, Europe, South America, North America, Australia – and okay, I guess Antarctica. 

Think about all the animals, all the insects, all the plants, all the mystery underneath the ocean.

WHOA.

There is a massive amount of movement going on around us ALL THE TIME.

Within all this commotion we zoom to YOU. To your story. To your particular life within your particular family, friends, circumstances.

And then there is that thing you really want – the health, the relationships, the finances, the career, the house, the pumpkin spiced latte. 

And you want it now.

And guess what? Although there are no guarantees in life, because you can literally just die today and there goes everything — when you do your part, you will get yourself closer to everything you want.

It may not happen the way you want. It may not happen in your time frame. It may not look exactly as you pictured it – but it will happen if you keep doing your part and release control when your part is done.

And hey, sometimes things do happen exactly how you want them to. Sometimes you ask for a raise and you get it. Sometimes you apply for the job and you get it. Sometimes you ask out the cutie from the office on a date and she says “Yes.”

Hooray! Sometimes it works just as you want it, when you want it.

But sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it’s 10x more challenging than you dared even imagined.

tenor

This is when you do what you gotta do and then you cross your arms and wait for the response. The more time unfolds before you, the more data you will receive to know how to proceed forward and adjust accordingly.

So release control.
Control what you can and what you can’t just breathe, chill, and enjoy the ride. 

Life doesn’t have to be some serious fucking project we have to make a huge deal out of. It can be easy. It can be fun. If you let it.

So let it and release control.

❤

*image credit to tenor.com

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More Adjustment Logs

I thought it would be easy.
I’d get to California and I’d quickly find a good job. Thought I’d be done paying my debt.  That I would have my coaching business running successfully. Thought I’d be feeling in flow, connected, like everything was falling into place. 

RUDE AWAKENING. 

Finding a job here in Cali has been ridiculously difficult. I’m talking even finding a basic job as a waitress to get me some kind of income has been an ordeal. 

People have been giving me the run-around. I interview once, they say come back a second time. I interview a second time, they say come back a third time to meet some other manager who was on vacation and then wait for a call back to do a working interview for an hour so they can see if you’re a right fit. WHAT!?

I’ve interviewed for a position in social work. I’ve also got the run around here. 
“Oh we’ll send you your official offer via email.”
One week later. NOTHING.
Follow up. 3 days later finally get the paperwork.

Complete the paperwork. Go get finger prints. Go get drug tested. Go get TB test. 
One week later: “Have you received all the necessary information for a start date?”
– “Oh, I’m sorry for the delay. I’ll go check on that for you.”

Still waiting.
This has been almost a month long process with this company! 
ORDEAL, I tell ya.

So as I wait my bank account sits and stares at me like “Bitch, we’re getting slim here.”

Debt is increasing not decreasing as I impatiently wait for the universe’s moving parts to just MOVE so I can get a handle on my situation. 

Times like these, when life takes a total turn that is so different from what you had originally imagined, is when I begin to question faith.

“I thought I was called here. I truly felt that. But right now I just want to throw in the towel and give up. Should I go back to the east coast? I don’t want to. I don’t want to go back to the bitter cold. But I also don’t want to live here stressed begging for employment and accepting crumbs from jobs I don’t even want but am forced into because the doors I keep knocking on don’t open. How am I supposed to move forward and feel happy when I keep getting silence, rejections, closed doors? It’s like fighting a losing battle here.”

I keep telling myself this is only temporary. This is only a chapter and not the whole story. 

I keep telling myself to calm the fuck down. It’s only been a month and 2 weeks. 

What is the lesson here…

Not everything goes as planned. DEAL WITH IT. ADAPT.
Not every success happens over night. IT’S A PROCESS.

Is it annoying? YES.
Is it frustrating? YES.
Build frustration tolerance. Build patience.

Sometimes, like a slingshot, you gotta go backwards before moving forwards.

Maybe I was naive in my thinking when I thought everything would be as smooth as silk. 

I am constructing a new life, in a new city, in a new state. 
It’s a major project.
And projects take time.

I must direct my focus on what I do have. 
Support from my family. Support from my friends.
My health. A roof over my head. Food to eat. Clothes to wear. An internet connection to complain on. To process on. To create and share my story on.

I’m blessed when I really look at it. 

I have to let go of the stress and stop trying to rush my life. 
I am going to get over this hump, and I will find myself in better ground.
I just need to accept that the only way through is through this particular dark tunnel right now. Once I’m past it, the light will be waiting for me on the other side along with all the things I’ve journeyed so far to reach. 

Such is life.

*image credit to doghousediarias, found on pinterest

 

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Patience

I keep getting pointed back to the same lesson: patience.

But when? When is it all going to come together?
It feels like I’ve been running but getting nowhere. On a treadmill.

This weekend I experienced a setback.
I also had a serious wake up call.

I’ve been in bed for the last two days. Letting my body recover.
It is frustrating when you want to be at step 6 or 7 but you’re at step 2.

I just gotta be patient. I just have to let things happen in its own timing.
I haven’t been crossing my arms though. I’ve been doing what I can to move myself forward.

Then I wonder, should I be doing more? Is what I’m doing not enough? Should I be hustling more? Striving more? Or is doing more not the answer?

The last two days I’ve taken a serious pause. Not so much because I wanted to, but because I had to. I’ll share the story in more detail when I’m ready.

Tomorrow I’m springing back into action.

There are currently so many unknowns.

All I can do is do what I can, and wait for what I cannot do to fall into place in its own timing.

Until then, I’m building some frustration tolerance while exercising my faith muscles.

::Breathes::

Patience.
Learning to wait.
Learning to accept that some things are beyond my control.
Learning to accept life’s timing.

It ain’t easy, folks.
But possible. Totally possible.

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Give Yourself Permission

Give yourself permission to just breathe.
To relax.
To let go.
To be still.

Forgive yourself.
For all the times you’ve been so mean to you. For all the times you looked at yourself in the mirror and wished you didn’t have to be you. You didn’t have to exist. For all the times you expected too much of yourself. Pushed yourself too hard. Beat down on yourself for not being “quite there yet.”

There are days where not moving, not doing, not planning, not rushing, not adding another task to your endless to do list is the answer. 
There comes a time when you just have to lay down. Sleep. Rest. Lock yourself away from the world. Give yourself the space to just be. To not have to figure out all the details.

Hold space for yourself. 
Comfort yourself.

It’s okay to not be okay. To take time off. To not have it all together all the time. To put down the heavy burdens and take a breather. Even the almighty God took a break. So much more you, mighty human, need a day to turn off and recharge. 

It’s okay to disconnect.
It’s okay to say “You know what? Today I am not doing anything.”

Lay in bed all day.
Give your body the rest it needs to function.

Sleep.
Let your mind have time to slow down and recharge.

Breakdowns are a normal part of the human experience.
Give yourself permission to breakdown.

Life is actually pretty darn hard sometimes.
There is so much going on. So many to do’s. So many expectations. 
It is natural to want to pause. 

Hold space for yourself to be human. To slow down. To soften the pace.

Just be here right now. 
Giving yourself permission to simply exist without the need to manage anything, control anything. fix anything, or figure anything out right now.

Allow yourself to be right where you’re at in this moment. 
Allow yourself to take a break.
To breathe.
To be.

 

Walk.

In a world that is moving faster and filled with constant demands and pressures, it can be easy to forget how awesome you already are.

We get lost in trying to get to the next goal. The next semester. The next title. The next iPhone (Boy, who can keep up with these things!). The next promotion. The next party. The next trip. The next whatever it is.
Yet there is so much to marvel in what you’ve already accomplished. So much to appreciate in the here and now. So much to enjoy in this experience today.

When we’re running frantic trying to keep our lives together in order to build something for ourselves we tend to forget to enjoy the process. To savor the unfolding.

This is your life – right here and right now.
There really is no place to run to because once you get to wherever you’re running off to there will be a new destination set for you then too.

So stop running.
Walk.
Breathe.
Enjoy today.

Take it easy on yourself. You’re doing great! Just enough for today.

*image credit to google images

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Just Not Ripe

Sometimes we move too soon, too fast.
We pick before the fruit is ripe.

And that’s okay. Next time you’ll wait.
This time you learn.

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One Day @ a Time

I want it, and I want it now.

Having tantrums like a babe. Throwing fists against the wind.

When I’m hungry I find that the best part is eating my meal. Yet so often I crave end results – the being satisfied part. As if there were some permanent end.

Life is always changing. There is no end. The end is the process.

What is it that you’re trying to create? Don’t kill the fun of the process by being so anxious to see the results.

I found that the best way to live is one day at a time. One moment at a time. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make plans. Go ahead. Make your plans. Just don’t get lost in trying to figure it all out meanwhile life slips through your fingers.

 

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One Step

Don’t look at the size of the mountain, look only at the first step.

I’ve been feeling so much more at ease compared to my usual frantic-get everything done-do everything now self. I am taking small, consistent steps towards my goals rather than staying stuck while freaking out about how far I still am. I realize that some changes are slower than others. I realize that patience is easiest to achieve when I look at how much I’ve already accomplished and focus on what small action I can take today rather than worry about how much I still need to do.

It’s so refreshing to just focus on today. One moment at a time. One action at a time. Life is so much easier when you release control; when you release trying to work out ALL the details and just allow the day to freely unfold as it gracefully guides you.

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