Search

Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

Tag

plans

Coming Together

Little by little things are coming together.

Although there are parts that are still taking their sweet ass time to fall into place.

So I learn patience.

I learn not to give up just because things get hard. I learn that there is reward in baby steps. I learn to keep curious about what comes next.

I’m trying to work out the master plan right now.

Which has been kind of annoying because for the longest time I feel like I’m constantly on the go, go, go – do, do, do. And it’s like when can I just sit here, be a potato, and do nothing??

I’m a lot like my mom, though. Can’t sit still for very long. I gotta be on the move. Getting shit done or else I feel like I’m wasting time. I’m addicted to productivity.

I like being this way. I just need to chill out a tad. Let go of all this pressure to be, do, get, have all the time.

Which brings me to a thought I had earlier…

So I bought a new mattress and bed frame for my new apartment. I placed the mattress in the corner, adorned it in bedsheets and pillows for the evening and set aside the frame for me to build the next day.  Then it dawned on me, maybe I don’t even need the bed frame at all.

I thought to myself, “Why can’t I just keep the mattress on the floor as is? It actually doesn’t look too bad and I’d save money on the bed frame.”

Then a responding thought surfaced. “Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if I had someone over my house and they saw that I only slept on a mattress? I should probably just keep the bed frame.”

Thoughts like these piss me off when I become aware of them.

Because in me there is this belief that I need MORE (because the mattresss alone isn’t good enough) in order to feel like I’m doing things “right.” So that people could see that I have it “together.” And that my bed is “proper” and that everything is in order so please approve of me, love me, and maybe even envy me.

 

WHAT THE FUCK.

 

These are my thoughts, guys.

These are the types of thoughts that play through my head.

May it be displayed for all to see.

But may it also be known that I am attempting to transcend the bullshit. So I can come to a place where I really and truly do things for ME without feeling like I need to do them in order to keep up with society and what’s expected of me.

May I find TRUE happiness. May I learn to be true to myself without shame.

May I be able to be fully human and embrace all of me – farts, pimples, weird pinky toe nail, and mattress without frame…

 

(Though I’m keeping the frame… lol… for now).

 

Advertisements

Change The Facts

Realizing it is half the battle.

At one point or another you stand before yourself facing the reality you’re currently in. You see that what you’re doing is not working. You notice that the choices  you’ve been making and the habits you’ve formed are not compatible with the version of life you want to experience.

You’ve been saying yes when you mean no.
You’ve been overly nice.
You’ve been giving more than you’ve been receiving.
You’ve been laughing at jokes you don’t even find funny, only to keep the peace and eliminate how awkward it would be if  you were to dare to hurt anyone’s feelings.
You’ve been playing small. Asking what everyone else thinks before asking yourself what you think.
You’ve been scared to voice your opinion. To stand alone if no one else agrees.
You’ve been downplaying your value. Not trusting your own self for fear of getting it wrong, as if it’s possible to get EVERYTHING right ALL THE TIME. 

Coming to realize yourself in your patterns is the first step. Good job. You know now. You’re aware now. 

But here is where it gets tricky.
“What the fuck do I do about this new found knowledge of who I am, who I’ve been, where I am and more important where the heck am I going and who do I need to be to get there?” 

I’ll tell you what you’re gonna have to do. You’re going to look at the FACTS and then you’re going to CHANGE THE FACTS.

Fact is: I say yes when I mean no. New fact is: I say no when I mean no.
Fact is: I am overly nice. New fact is: I’m kind, not stupid.
Fact is: I give more than I receive. New fact is: I’m fair – take it or leave it.
Fact is: I hide what I really feel. New fact is: I tell it like it is.
Fact is: I’m afraid to speak my opinion. New fact is: I speak and stand behind my opinions without fear, even if it means standing alone.
Fact is: I don’t trust myself. New fact is: I trust myself.

See, knowing that there is something about yourself or your life that isn’t quite in resonance is only step one. Without step 2, which is to turn the current facts into new facts by LITERALLY and PHYSICALLY causing a REAL change in both thought and behavior you’re only left with realizations. And simply realizing it is not enough. There needs to be an added element of FUCK THIS SHIT, I’M UPGRADING MY THOUGHTS AND MY BEHAVIORS TO MATCH THE EXPERIENCE OF LIFE I TRULY WANT. 

Will it be easy? Fuck no.
Will there be challenges. Heck yeah. 

But let me tell you dear friend, it is better to fight for the life you do want then to live in defeat stuck in a miserable reality you hate. 

What have you been realizing lately? What are the facts? And tell me, what are the new facts? Get clear on it and get to work. I’ll be fighting for the same over here on my end. Let’s make it happen. 

Victory be upon us.

Grace.

Now What? Just Flow With It

You never really know when life is going to rattle you and send you waltzing towards a new direction you weren’t at all expecting. Nothing is written in stone, but even if it were – not even that is permanent. We make plans and set goals for ourselves, then life comes along bringing new factors into the equation.
“I wasn’t planning for this. Now what, life? Everything was so clear! Now I am foggy again.”
Sometimes the curve balls that are thrown at you help you see more clearly what it is that you TRULY want. If your original plan is your true intention, then a curve ball will only serve for the increase of that path. Curve balls that cloud your path and beckon you to question your intentions, show you that perhaps what you really want isn’t what you thought you wanted in the first place.
You are constantly changing, evolving, learning, growing, expanding — so it’s only natural to re-evaluate your goals and life situation as you unravel.
Remember! It’s always important to look within yourself for the answers you seek. You are the ultimate creator of your life and no one else can walk in your shoes. Trust your intuition! Avoid making hasty, rash decisions and allowing the motivation of others to cloud your own heart and guiding system. Consider putting aside all or nothing, extreme forms of thinking and find a balanced way to make the necessary adjustments. This way, we realign ourselves to the path we truly wish to experience at a pace that feels natural and free flowing.
There is no ONE STRICT path — you can color in a new road any time you feel it necessary. This is your life! Draw the picture you wish to see. Take baby steps. Re-arrange when needed. Make changes in the moment you feel ready without putting added pressure on yourself. Don’t rush yourself. Don’t worry yourself. Breathe. Trust your intuition as you go. Let your heart guide you and trust your choices. Don’t be afraid when life brings you new challenges – it’s a sign that you are ready to expand into new territories!
Have fun as you explore. Be kind to your self. Don’t cling too hard to the past – let it pass like clouds in the sky. Embrace each moment and dwell in the present – because NOW is the eternal hour, and now is all that will ever matter.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑