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Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

Tag

procrastination

Ugh

I’ve been replaying the same song over and over.

Thinking how it isn’t fair that I’m the one on the waiting end of the spectrum.

I obviously know better. That isolating myself from others and listening to sappy music is not the recipe for feeling better.

But I’mma sit here and do it anyway.
Because obviously I want to feel this way.

There are days where I feel open. Excited. Connected. Aligned.

And then there are days where I’m like meh.

This is normal.

Sometimes I fall from grace. I get in my own way. I block my own self.

I get lost in my head. In entertaining my limiting thoughts. Forgetting that I have access to purpose and  source at any point in time as long as I tune into it.

*Breathes*

I know, I know it’s all okay. But right now I want to be a baby about it for a little bit.

 

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Waiting

I think waiting is probably one of my least favorite human experiences. 

Waiting in a long line. Waiting for a job offer. Waiting for traffic to clear. For the computer to do its goddam update at the most inconvenient possible time. Waiting for my nails to dry. For the lasagna to bake all the way through.

And worst yet, waiting to hear back from you.  

kthfishfiusgdfudyfgalsoifjsdlfh. 

That’s how I feel about that.

Boredom. It’s a thing.

There’s so much I could be doing with this moment. Productive activities that could probably propel me into some better future but instead I ‘m just sitting here feeling antsy AF. 

Procrastinating. 

Getting nowhere fast. Getting nothing done.

Or at least nothing that seems of value. 

I go back and forth between thinking there’s this greater cosmic plan than my own for my life or that maybe I’m just fucking delusional.  I wonder if perhaps worrying, freaking out, or trying to control all the details is just a waste of my life’s time because everything is going to be just fine.

And then I tell myself  that entertaining this grandiose idea of a “higher plan” is probably me just trying to rationalize my way into being okay with being lazy.  Making excuses for myself to not feel so bad about putting off the work I know I need to be doing in order to up-level my circumstances. 

I worked 40 hours a week for the man in order to produce results. I need to work at least the same for myself If I’m going to make this “be my own boss” thing happen. 

It’s so easy to get distracted. To pretend to be “busy” when really I’m just procrastinating. 

Waiting to see you again… 

Unfocused. Uninspired. Lazy bitch. 

 

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