I think waiting is probably one of my least favorite human experiences.
Waiting in a long line. Waiting for a job offer. Waiting for traffic to clear. For the computer to do its goddam update at the most inconvenient possible time. Waiting for my nails to dry. For the lasagna to bake all the way through.
And worst yet, waiting to hear back from you.
That’s how I feel about that.
Boredom. It’s a thing.
There’s so much I could be doing with this moment. Productive activities that could probably propel me into some better future but instead I ‘m just sitting here feeling antsy AF.
Getting nowhere fast. Getting nothing done.
Or at least nothing that seems of value.
I go back and forth between thinking there’s this greater cosmic plan than my own for my life or that maybe I’m just fucking delusional. I wonder if perhaps worrying, freaking out, or trying to control all the details is just a waste of my life’s time because everything is going to be just fine.
And then I tell myself that entertaining this grandiose idea of a “higher plan” is probably me just trying to rationalize my way into being okay with being lazy. Making excuses for myself to not feel so bad about putting off the work I know I need to be doing in order to up-level my circumstances.
I worked 40 hours a week for the man in order to produce results. I need to work at least the same for myself If I’m going to make this “be my own boss” thing happen.
It’s so easy to get distracted. To pretend to be “busy” when really I’m just procrastinating.
Waiting to see you again…
Unfocused. Uninspired. Lazy bitch.