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Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

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reality

Change The Facts

Realizing it is half the battle.

At one point or another you stand before yourself facing the reality you’re currently in. You see that what you’re doing is not working. You notice that the choices  you’ve been making and the habits you’ve formed are not compatible with the version of life you want to experience.

You’ve been saying yes when you mean no.
You’ve been overly nice.
You’ve been giving more than you’ve been receiving.
You’ve been laughing at jokes you don’t even find funny, only to keep the peace and eliminate how awkward it would be if  you were to dare to hurt anyone’s feelings.
You’ve been playing small. Asking what everyone else thinks before asking yourself what you think.
You’ve been scared to voice your opinion. To stand alone if no one else agrees.
You’ve been downplaying your value. Not trusting your own self for fear of getting it wrong, as if it’s possible to get EVERYTHING right ALL THE TIME. 

Coming to realize yourself in your patterns is the first step. Good job. You know now. You’re aware now. 

But here is where it gets tricky.
“What the fuck do I do about this new found knowledge of who I am, who I’ve been, where I am and more important where the heck am I going and who do I need to be to get there?” 

I’ll tell you what you’re gonna have to do. You’re going to look at the FACTS and then you’re going to CHANGE THE FACTS.

Fact is: I say yes when I mean no. New fact is: I say no when I mean no.
Fact is: I am overly nice. New fact is: I’m kind, not stupid.
Fact is: I give more than I receive. New fact is: I’m fair – take it or leave it.
Fact is: I hide what I really feel. New fact is: I tell it like it is.
Fact is: I’m afraid to speak my opinion. New fact is: I speak and stand behind my opinions without fear, even if it means standing alone.
Fact is: I don’t trust myself. New fact is: I trust myself.

See, knowing that there is something about yourself or your life that isn’t quite in resonance is only step one. Without step 2, which is to turn the current facts into new facts by LITERALLY and PHYSICALLY causing a REAL change in both thought and behavior you’re only left with realizations. And simply realizing it is not enough. There needs to be an added element of FUCK THIS SHIT, I’M UPGRADING MY THOUGHTS AND MY BEHAVIORS TO MATCH THE EXPERIENCE OF LIFE I TRULY WANT. 

Will it be easy? Fuck no.
Will there be challenges. Heck yeah. 

But let me tell you dear friend, it is better to fight for the life you do want then to live in defeat stuck in a miserable reality you hate. 

What have you been realizing lately? What are the facts? And tell me, what are the new facts? Get clear on it and get to work. I’ll be fighting for the same over here on my end. Let’s make it happen. 

Victory be upon us.

Grace.

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Do The Damn Thing

Make your suffering count. Pay a price for the life you actually want.


For a long time I have imagined myself as a this great successful person that has helped and touched many lives with inspiring and motivational messages. And then I realized… Oh, I actually have to do something to get to that success. I can’t just sit here on my couch eating McDonald’s expecting Jesus to come down from heaven with a million dollars and a bunch of loving fans for me. I gotta do the damn thing.

And this reality is something pretty scary to face. Whether I fail or succeed is my own doing. I am responsible for my story. I am responsible for what I make of my life. Those chiseled abs I want aren’t just gonna carve themselves. That book I wanna write isn’t just gonna pop into existence. I gotta put in the work. I gotta do the damn thing.

I can fantasize about an abundant, successful career and book but unless I start taking the necessary action and start writing the damn thing it’s never going to come to fruition. It’ll just remain a fantasy.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat here and thought to myself “Oh, I gotta start working on that book.” It’s been over 5 years that I’ve had that thought. And how many pages have I written? 0.

Thoughts and dreams are wonderful things to have. But only actions have actual credibility in the real world.

We have to get honest with ourselves and see what are the actions necessary to create what we want to create and whether or not we are truly willing to put in the sacrifice to make it happen. Even if we are creating something we truly love and are truly passionate about there will still be hard work involved. There will still be a price to pay. There will still be effort and energy to exert. That’s just life.
Even the basic activities in life require energy and effort – like getting out of bed, brushing our teeth, making breakfast, etc…  so why would it be any different when it comes to creating the life and success we know we want to achieve? It’s not different. It’s going to take real effort. It’s going to be painful and really difficult at times – but it’ll be worth it because it’ll bring into existence the results you actually want. So make your suffering count! Suffer for the thing you actually do want and stop suffering for the things you don’t.

*Image credit to pinterest

Reality Check

I have finally come to accept and realize that reality is ultimately this: sometimes shitty sometimes not so bad. There are days where everything will flow. Someone will hold the door for you. The train will arrive right when you get there. The local coffee shop will treat you to a free pumpkin spice latte. You’ll find a dollar waiting for you on the sidewalk. And then there are the days when it seems like Satan has crawled out of hell with a personal hit against you. You open your eyes and there are already 5 missed calls, 3 voice mails and 14 messages demanding your attention. The dog chewed on your favorite pair of sneakers and decided to poop in the kitchen. Apparently you didn’t get the memo that they were doing construction and shutting off the water in your building from 7 am – 1 pm. There is no free latte and the $3.97 cup of coffee you just bought happens to spill on your perfectly white blouse. These are the small occurrences. Sometimes life is out to shower you with the big accomplishments – the wedding, the house, the car, the new job. Yet at the same time it’s out to fuck you – the cancer, the receding hair line, the breakup, the gigantic debt that haunts you in your sleep.

So what to do?

I realize you have to take the good with the bad. Roll with the punches. There will be moments where you will be smiling, joyful at all the wonderful things that you have created and that life has lined up and synchronized for you. And then there will be moments where it’ll all be shit. A landfill of steaming shit surrounded by hungry and pregnant flies. You will cry. You will get angry. You will feel lonely, lost, confused. Unsure of what to do and which direction to take. You will experience loss and it’ll hurt. There’s no way around it. The way is through it. But it won’t be shitty every day. It’ll also be fun. Exciting. Awe-inspiring. There will be so much laughter. Romance. Connection. Moments of peace, clarity, calm. You’ll be energized and filled with enthusiasm and zest for life. Just as the ocean waves rises and crashes back down, so will you.
It’ll be easy and it’ll be hard.

That’s just the nature of reality.

Want Not to Want

I want to be a dream.
I want to morph.
I want to be light.
I want to make love to you,
and to seduce you.
Then walk away –
and run wildly back into your arms
because my absence never fazed you.

I want to be beautiful like the models on TV.
Not just this average beauty. This “We’re all beautiful in our own way” kind of beauty.
But truly stunning. You can’t get your eyes off stunning.

I want to be beautiful on the inside too – because that’ll make me even more beautiful.
Inside and out. Not just one or the other – both. Not just average but whatever comes right before perfect if perfect isn’t an option.

Then I want to be alone. Alone to love myself. Alone to be perfect – whatever that means to me because what it means to me is always enough when I don’t need you; when I don’t want you.

But then I want to see you. You who is almost perfect. And I want to love you. And then I want to leave you because your imperfection bothers me. Because I want to feel superior – and actually be superior. Not just in theory. Not some narcissism. In truth and in every way better and more perfect than you.

Then I want to cry and feel sorry for myself. Sorry and guilty for ever wanting to be better. And for actually being better.

Then I will humble myself. I will be imperfect. You will have all the right to shine, even brighter than I. You will have right to be anything you desire because you deserve a chance if the game is to be fair and foolproof. This will be the way to prove that I am not necessary. To prove that I am creation and that perfection is irrespective of me even though it is me — it is you. This is the way it’s been all along.

Everything will be fair. Balanced. And it’ll be utterly boring to the wise. Utterly predictable. All it will mean is that everything is possible. And what’s the fun in that? You will know all the answers and pretend not to know. And for what end? Just to live out stories. Stories after stories. And so it will be. I’ll live my story. You live yours. We live ours. And so on ad infinitum.

Then I want to find – I don’t even know what I’d like to find after all that.
It’s never enough because the story never ends. The end is the continuous search because there’s always more. There are no limits. There’s always more. There’s always more. There’s always more.

What satisfies me is to forget. Forget all of it. Forget the stories. Forget you. Forget me. Forget life. Forget all realms.
The black screen forever. Pure nothing. Finally I can rest. This is my favorite place to be. At rest. Not in some point in time telling stories after stories. Not living story after story. But Here. Beyond the Silence. In the Eternal. In the nothing. As nothing. For nothing. Through nothing.

Because only when I am nothing I do not want. Only when I am nothing I am truly perfect.

In being nothing there is nothing I could ever fall short of. There is nothing to miss- nothing to lack – nothing to need – nothing to want.
To not exist is better than to exist.
Because in non-existence there is no such thing as better. Nothing wrong. Nothing right. Literally nothing.

Nothing.

Mmmm. Perfect.

But I cannot convince you of this. It would just be another story. My position versus your position and vice versa as it always is in this dimension of reality. You must come to know it yourself – through yourself, for yourself.

Meet me in the nothing. I’ll be waiting for you. Let’s be together as none again.

And when we are done, if ever, we can always come out and play again. After all, even though I hate your never ending stories, I love you enough to listen.

“See” you there.

 

Free Thought and Numbers

I see same digits every day without planning to. 1:11, 11:11, 12:12, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 10:10. These are the most common. Which is basically all of them. Except 5:55, which I think I see less of. I always feel happy when I see them. I hear some say that they are messages from the universe. Are they? I don’t know. I would really like it to be.

I don’t know how to really draw the line between what is truly real and what is man made mumbo jumbo. I wish I could know. I really do.

I have trouble at times feeling really confident in any one belief because I feel like everything is always changing. For example, if I believe in this X now, 1 second from now this X is not the same because it’s now one second old – it has changed (even if at a minuscule level) since its original time. So how can I become grounded in any one thing if all things are changing moment by moment?

I hate it. I hate that I get so confused by it all and that I just don’t know it all.

Some say that we should become satisfied with not knowing. Are we giving up by saying it’s enough not to know? If you could know, wouldn’t you want to? I would.
If I had a choice I would choose knowledge.
But that’s my personal choice.

But, of course, until then, I’ll just settle for not knowing. For wondering. For exploring.
For having enough, for now.

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