so the other day I was watching a course on real estate investing so I could learn how it all works

and then I had this epiphany

“It’s fake.” 🫠

let me explain…

We, the humans, are inventing the rules, the laws, the systems, the stuff you see around you

We’re the one making up stuff

We use our intelligence to make stuff from the stuff we find on Earth and then we start making up these rules and stories about it all…

We even invent sounds (words) to point to objects so we can understand and come to an agreement about all the stuff we keep inventing

We make the laws, the systems

it’s made up… by us

It isn’t “real”. There is no actual intrinsic law that says a red light means you stop. We just made that up so we could organize traffic.

So if we make the rules of our world, shouldn’t it just be intuitive that we’d want to make it awesome!?

It’s tricky though because we all have different definitions of what an awesome world would look like and what that means

but I’m pretty confident in our ability to figure it out

to harmonize…

but here’s the other curious thing

there does seem to be some intrinsic order that permeates reality that is in effect apart from our human creations and inventions

Like the sky, and the rain
and the fact that my spoon will fall if I drop it

there are some “laws” of nature
and there there is also the curious thing that there even is something at all to begin with

something rather than nothing

and that something is inherently intelligent and organized, to the point of fabricating your beautiful face which such detail- your beating heart with it’s perfect veins connecting to other parts of your body… and all the living creatures- all so unique and with such FINE detail. Like bro, have you LOOKED at a birds feather and how exquisite it is? And just literally everything. Like a grain of sand, a rock, the ocean, the trees swaying in the wind.

I’m in literal awe

but then zoom in on us… the humans…

and then there’s our stuff… the college applications and the line at the DMV and the glorious cup of coffee at Starbucks, chocolate ice cream, and Seinfeld… oh and the housing situation!!!

We are making up all this extra shit

So given that we are making up the extra shit — shouldn’t we be making it good for us all to enjoy a good time on Earth?

I vote yes!

Because why should some struggle while others don’t?

I don’t know,

this is a long topic and it’s late and I’m sleepy

but yeah

those have been some of my reflections

Too da loo


I thought I wanted a relationship, but then the thought of being with one person and losing my freedom doesn’t so much appeal to me. More the latter than the former.

I guess it’s not a relationship that I’m sensing some resistance to but more so a traditional, standard relationship, as most people would understand a relationship to have to be.

Traditional relationships come with rules. Do’s and don’ts.
(Like no texting or talking to other people)

I don’t wanna feel like I answer to anyone. Like there’s some shadow figure watching me and I need to now change how I behave simply because we decided to spend more time together.

Those are just some of the factors that turn me off about traditional relationships.

I would definitely need to amend some of the standard ways of relating in order to feel truly happy. 

Moreover, I seem to have an issue with really getting comfortable with someone.

Let them see me. 
Farts and all.

How do I get comfortable enough that I could be myself and truly feel okay?

I slept over a guy’s house the other evening and there was a point in time where I had to fart. I didn’t let it out. That’d be embarrassing. Terrible. How dare I be human?

So what am I gonna do? Hold in my farts forever?

What about when I get a pimple on my face? 
You’d see it.
Or how long it takes for me to blow dry my hair.
You’d know it.


How does one become comfortable with another?

How does one become okay with being themselves in front of another?

I feel like I should be able to answer this.
I was married for 5 years.

And I don’t remember having an issue with intimacy back then.

The issue I did have, however, is that I couldn’t be faithful. Which goes back to how I originally started this post – with not being sure I could be with only one person and that I need my freedom.

Maybe I’m poly.

But not in the sense that I just want to sleep with a bunch of people. I feel like a lot of people mistake poly for  like a big orgy party or something. I’d recommend they watch Conor & Brittany on YouTube. 

I mean poly in the sense that I am open. I don’t want to stop living and experiencing simply because I am now relating with someone often. 
I want the door to always remain open for whatever happens. This would be a mutual understanding.

I still have to workout some of this confusion as I go, experience, learn and grow.

I primarily want to grow comfortable enough in my skin and with someone where I feel like I can fart and pop a pimple and still be loved. And secondly, be free as a bird and still be loved. All while giving that same kind of love back. A loving, reciprocal and symbiotic relationship that isn’t suffocated by rules.

Yeah… something like that.

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