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Reflect Out Loud

"The unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

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self

Come Home To You

There has always been a longing to find someone or something out there to make me whole. Complete me. Validate me.

But I am beginning to shift. There is this deep longing to come home to myself. To accept myself. To live in peace with myself. To approve myself. To simply connect to my breath. To my own existence without needing anything more to fulfill me.

From a very young age I had long term relationships. I was married at 18. It lasted 5 years.

I transitioned straight into another long term relationship.

And then another.

For a large portion of my life I had built my identity on the basis of being with someone. And for the short time where I wasn’t with someone I kept searching for someone.

I haven’t yet learned to just be with myself. To be without searching for someone outside of me to comfort me. To be by me. To make me feel okay. Validated. More whole.

I want this. I want to come home to me.

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Alone Not Lonely

So what’s up with the stigma on being alone?

Alone doesn’t mean lonely.

I love the expression on people’s faces when they ask what I’m going to do for my birthday or thanksgiving this year and I either tell them I have no plans or am going to do something by myself.

“Gasp! What. No. You shouldn’t be by yourself.”

Why?
I love my own company.
I have no problem going out for walks on my own. Taking myself to breakfast, lunch, dinner. Showing up solo to events. Introducing myself to strangers.

I would consider myself an omnivert, which as defined by the good ol’ urban dictionary means “Someone who is an introvert and extrovert.”

I don’t care for some people.
And I don’t mean that I don’t care about them or their wellbeing – I genuinely wish everyone good. But what I mean is that some people just don’t interest me. Others annoy me. Their ideas are whatever. Meh.

It’s such a relief to own up to this truth. That I really just don’t vibe with every person. Just like every person doesn’t vibe with me.
It’s fine.
It doesn’t mean anyone is better or worse. Just different. I’m oil, you’re water – or vice versa, I don’t care. You get the picture.

I want to become more assertive.
To not laugh at people’s jokes who I don’t find funny simply as to not make it awkward.
Fuck that.

Why do I get so worried about hurting people’s feelings?

I guess I was taught to be polite. Extremely polite.

But is polite just another work for fake?
Because that’s what I’m being when I smile at your face but inside I really couldn’t care less.

I don’t want to be like that.

I think people are too sensitive.

So what if I don’t care for you and don’t agree with you? I’m not deliberately hurting you at the end of the day. I’m just living my life in my own bubble. Stop being so sensitive. Grow some skin.

I need to grow some skin too though. So I’m not one to talk too confidently on the matter of sensitivities.

I need more skin. More balls. Less fucks.

Anyway.
That’s my rant on that.

In conclusion,
down with the stigma that being alone is a bad thing. It’s not.
It’s fucking glorious if you ask me.
Obviously not all the time – that’s just some sociopath type shit.
But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking yourself out and simply enjoying the company of your own being.

So go. Plan a date with yourself. And fuck the haterz.

#endthestigma

Intuition

Every time I fail to acknowledge the hunch feeling that arises when my intuition speaks to me, I make choices that are not in alignment with my desired outcome.

Your intuition will not stir you wrong, so trust it when it speaks. It doesn’t matter what other people are saying contrary to your intuition – if you feel it – it’s true for you.

Listening to your intuition will help you when making small or big decisions. Something as small as “should I buy this outfit or not” can be clearly answered if only you allow yourself to listen to your hunch. Your internal guiding system will always stir you in the direction of your highest results because it wants to ensure your survival and simply because it serves you for your best. If you disregard the subtle signals that your body gives you to instruct you on your best path, you will make decisions that are contrary to the results you want. Listen to yourself and trust yourself. Your intuition is here to assist you and it will not sabotage you.

 

 

THE PROCESS OF BECOMING

Who are you?
Answer: ___________________________

You might answer this question by telling me your name. Your age, cultural background, your social security number, and yada, yada, yada.

But see – that’s not really who you are. That’s information you have acquired from what the external world has determined for you.
You are the awareness of these things.
You are not your name, you are the awareness of your name.
You are not your age, you are the awareness of your age.
You are not your cultural background, you are the awareness of your cultural background.

Get the drift? I hope so.

“So what? So what if I am the awareness of that stuff?”

YAY! Great news, my friend!
Being awareness means that you get to choose your own reality!
It is up to YOU to decide what to accept or reject into your field of awareness.

So the process of becoming is simply asking yourself what are you aware of.
What thoughts are you aware of? Your own? Those imposed on you by others? A little bit of both?

If you realize that you have adopted the thoughts of others rather than your own, this isn’t a bad thing. It isn’t a good thing either. It just IS. This is how we grow – by exchanging ideas with one another.

Things are what they are – things ARE. PERIOD. Whether something is good or bad depends on the preference of the aware being.

So, for instance, the experience of eating chocolate ice cream may be good for me because to my awareness I experience something good from eating it. Someone else, however, may be eating from my chocolate ice cream cup yet have a distasteful experience because to their awareness they experience something bad from eating chocolate ice cream. There is nothing in the particles of chocolate ice cream itself that is coded with “goodness” or “badness” – these types of labeling are judgements of the experiencer based on the effect a particular thing has in combination to their particular being – to their awareness.

So what am I ultimately saying?
– Become YOU.

Do you like chocolate ice cream because YOU like chocolate ice cream or have you come to like chocolate ice cream because people might think you are cool if you eat chocolate ice cream?

Or fill it in this blank:
Do you like ___________ because YOU like _________ or do you like___________ because you believe X person(s) want you to like ___________?

Are you YOU because YOU take pleasure in who you are or are you YOU because of what you believe other people want you to be?
And maybe it’s a combination of both.
It isn’t bad to tag along with what others think is cool – that’s fine – we have words for that: admiration, inspiration, sharing, absorption, learning.
It only becomes a problem when you are not happy with yourself because you are not being true to who you are but are living a life that is decorated by what others want you to be.

When we seek to be what others want us to be, we are seeking approval.
We are seeking approval from others because we have failed to approve of ourselves just as we are. Somewhere along the way we adopted the awareness that “the way I am, as I am, is not good enough.”

Not good enough to whose awareness?

See, as long as to YOUR awareness you are enough, then no matter who tells you “YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH,” this statement will fall flat on its feet – it will have no power over you. It would be the same as a person telling me over and over “chocolate ice cream sucks.” This statement has no power over me because to MY awareness – CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM FUCKING ROCKS!

Be YOU Because YOU like it – whatever it is that you are. And if others like you too – AWESOME – if not, who cares? NOT YOU is all that matters. It is not for their awareness to decide what YOUR AWARENESS KNOWS TO BE TRUE FOR YOU.

YOUR AWARENESS IS ALL THE MATTERS.

Become YOU.
🙂 ❤

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