I’m trying to find my voice but it escapes me
I feel the most free when I’m here
because in this space I let it rip
I just say it as it comes
I just say it as it is for me
in other places I have to tip toe
I have to get it “right”
make sure I don’t step on any toes or say something that offends someone
or say something that is ignorant
Or say something that doesn’t land well
or say something that is wrong
or or or or or ________.
Today I heard TD Jakes talk about a creative whose ideas can’t come through— he called it being constipated— creatively constipated.
That’s how I feel sometimes. Like there’s just so much I wish to give and share but am literally held back.
By my own paralysis
by my judgment
because I’m not doing it like this other person
or saying it like this other person and therefore it’s probably not good and therefore no one will care and therefore I won’t get anywhere— so why bother?
It’s literally so annoying
I annoy myself with my own thoughts and lack of action sometimes
but I also want to give myself Grace for trying
because it takes courage to speak up
it takes courage to use your voice.
I just hope I can find mine
and I hope it makes you proud.