I’m trying to find my voice but it escapes me

I feel the most free when I’m here

because in this space I let it rip

I just say it as it comes

I just say it as it is for me

in other places I have to tip toe

I have to get it “right”

make sure I don’t step on any toes or say something that offends someone

or say something that is ignorant

Or say something that doesn’t land well

or say something that is wrong

or or or or or ________.

Today I heard TD Jakes talk about a creative whose ideas can’t come through— he called it being constipated— creatively constipated.

That’s how I feel sometimes. Like there’s just so much I wish to give and share but am literally held back.

By what?

By my own paralysis

by my judgment

because I’m not doing it like this other person

or saying it like this other person and therefore it’s probably not good and therefore no one will care and therefore I won’t get anywhere— so why bother?

It’s literally so annoying

I annoy myself with my own thoughts and lack of action sometimes

but I also want to give myself Grace for trying

because it takes courage to speak up

it takes courage to use your voice.

I just hope I can find mine

and I hope it makes you proud.