Sit here awhile.
Crossed legged.
Face me.
Close your eyes.
Let your forehead rest gently against mine, the way it does when there is nowhere else to be.
Your hands settle on my thighs.
Mine find yours. Strong. Warm.
Come to rest. Be still a while.
And breathe. Just breathe.
No place to rush to for this moment.
For this moment, we can simply be.
We’ll sway. Softly. Almost imperceptibly.
And stay another while.
My hands move slowly up your sides…towards your chest…along your arms.
Learning what it’s like to know the shape of you.
Mmm.
Cheeks meet. Meld together. Lips lightly graze past.
Passion rises. It’s 100 degrees.
Breathe. Breathe.
Pause.
Rest.
Be here still.
Hold the love.
Feel yourself whole.
What if I could wholeheartedly trust?
What if I didn’t have any doubt?
What if my trust was so great that it became synonymous with fact?
What if all I needed to do is be exactly as I am and do exactly as I do without being afraid? Without beating myself up?
What if the universe has me safe at all times? That even the dark, unsavory moments of my journey were all part of my learning plan.
What if I could just let go of trying to control all the details. What if I could just trust that the higher order of things is in alignment to my greatest good and I need not fight, squirm, or throw tantrums.
What if I could learn to just enjoy the journey. To not get so caught up in my inner struggle of “Why isn’t this happening sooner?”
If I could just breathe. Just breathe.
If I could stop rushing. Stop yearning. Stop chasing.
Why am I in such a hurry? Why am I trying to be at the destination already? Why can’t I just be okay with the process and not focus so much on the result?
If I could just be here now. If I could just learn to accept that not everything goes my way and that’s okay.
If I could master the art of simply existing.
If I could trust.
I want to trust.
I am so in love with my life right now it’s overwhelming. This is not common for me. I don’t even know what to do with it.
The level of creativity that is pulsating through my body is to the level where it’s giving me anxiety. This anxiety in part is felt like excitement. Heart racing. Ideas flowing through my mind like a river.
There was a moment I jumped up and down on my bed in expression of excitement.
I am having PINCH ME moments.
So many beautiful visions.
But there is also a lot of anxiety. A lot of fear.
There was a moment I literally had to hold my chest and breathe myself back into calm.
In the next few days I will be working on balancing all this energy out. I need to learn to balance myself and have clear focus. I’m practicing.
It’s extremely scary when you start to see manifestation occur before your eyes.
There’s also a lot of shit I need to detox. Cleanse. Release. Breathe out.
I’m impatient as fuck.
And there’s still so much work to be done!
*BREATHE IN*
*BREATHE OUT*
This breathing thing is REAL. It helps with anxiety FO REAL.
“The root of suffering is attachment.” – Buddha
I resonate with the above quote.
When I cling to people, places, material possessions, status, you name it, whenever the target of my clinging is threatened – I experience emotional pain – a.k.a “suffering.”
Sometimes that emotional pain is also linked to physical responses in my body. My heart beats fast, my stomach sinks, I feel nauseous, my temperature rises, I cry, I curl into a little ball in a stew of emotions.
I experience this roller coaster of symptoms when I lose.
When I lose that which I have become attached to.
Sometimes it even happens when I imagine loss. Or perceive loss.
The guy I have been dating is showing up online on a dating site.
So what does my heart do?
It tightens.
What does my mind do?
It races.
“Oh. I guess he’s still searching. I guess I haven’t made a big enough impression to get him to stop seeking. I guess he’s not that into me. I guess I’m not enough for him. Maybe he’ll meet someone else he’ll find more interesting and move on happily while I’ll be back to square one.”
Attachment. Fear based thoughts.
But what if I let go of the outcome? What if I pull back and re-frame my response?
Truth is – nothing belongs to me. Nothing is mine. I simply get to share temporary experiences in a fleeting, changing environment that I do not and cannot possess. Yet in an attempt to hold on, to keep for longer, to experience more of – I attach.
I say, “I want you.”
I say, “Be mine.”
I say, “Don’t leave.”
I say, “I don’t want to let go.”
I say “I don’t want to say good bye.”
And when I do this, I hurt. Because I am trying to hold onto what time is literally ripping out of my tiny little hands.
So then what is the way to relieve this?
Non-attachment. Letting go. Release the hold.
No attachment to the outcome.
No fear of letting go.
Pure surrender.
Does that mean that I don’t love? That I don’t care? That I don’t experience fully? No. Quite the opposite.
Every moment becomes extremely meaningful, because every moment is unique, special, fleeting, and forever elusive.
Through non-attachment every moment becomes lighter because it can pass through you without getting stuck. It can just come and go and there is no fighting to keep it, no fighting to get more of it, no fighting for its return. Everything can just be.
It can come and it can go.
And when it comes – what a joy to have it.
When it goes [breathes out] what a joy to see it go.
This is true freedom.
*image credit to realbuddhaquotes.com
I keep getting pointed back to the same lesson: patience.
But when? When is it all going to come together?
It feels like I’ve been running but getting nowhere. On a treadmill.
This weekend I experienced a setback.
I also had a serious wake up call.
I’ve been in bed for the last two days. Letting my body recover.
It is frustrating when you want to be at step 6 or 7 but you’re at step 2.
I just gotta be patient. I just have to let things happen in its own timing.
I haven’t been crossing my arms though. I’ve been doing what I can to move myself forward.
Then I wonder, should I be doing more? Is what I’m doing not enough? Should I be hustling more? Striving more? Or is doing more not the answer?
The last two days I’ve taken a serious pause. Not so much because I wanted to, but because I had to. I’ll share the story in more detail when I’m ready.
Tomorrow I’m springing back into action.
There are currently so many unknowns.
All I can do is do what I can, and wait for what I cannot do to fall into place in its own timing.
Until then, I’m building some frustration tolerance while exercising my faith muscles.
::Breathes::
Patience.
Learning to wait.
Learning to accept that some things are beyond my control.
Learning to accept life’s timing.
It ain’t easy, folks.
But possible. Totally possible.
Give yourself permission to just breathe.
To relax.
To let go.
To be still.
Forgive yourself.
For all the times you’ve been so mean to you. For all the times you looked at yourself in the mirror and wished you didn’t have to be you. You didn’t have to exist. For all the times you expected too much of yourself. Pushed yourself too hard. Beat down on yourself for not being “quite there yet.”
There are days where not moving, not doing, not planning, not rushing, not adding another task to your endless to do list is the answer.
There comes a time when you just have to lay down. Sleep. Rest. Lock yourself away from the world. Give yourself the space to just be. To not have to figure out all the details.
Hold space for yourself.
Comfort yourself.
It’s okay to not be okay. To take time off. To not have it all together all the time. To put down the heavy burdens and take a breather. Even the almighty God took a break. So much more you, mighty human, need a day to turn off and recharge.
It’s okay to disconnect.
It’s okay to say “You know what? Today I am not doing anything.”
Lay in bed all day.
Give your body the rest it needs to function.
Sleep.
Let your mind have time to slow down and recharge.
Breakdowns are a normal part of the human experience.
Give yourself permission to breakdown.
Life is actually pretty darn hard sometimes.
There is so much going on. So many to do’s. So many expectations.
It is natural to want to pause.
Hold space for yourself to be human. To slow down. To soften the pace.
Just be here right now.
Giving yourself permission to simply exist without the need to manage anything, control anything. fix anything, or figure anything out right now.
Allow yourself to be right where you’re at in this moment.
Allow yourself to take a break.
To breathe.
To be.
Try this new method of relating with the circumstances in your life: completely release having to control all the details and timing and just trust that everything will align.
If you’re anything like me then you want everything done yesterday and at the speed of light. You stress and worry about whether or not the things you want will manifest into your life. BUT ENOUGH of living like this. ENOUGH of living under pressure. Wouldn’t life be more fun if you just chilled the F* out? Where are you rushing to? Do you really think that stressing is going to make things happen faster? It’s not. Things will happen at the speed that they will happen whether you stress it or not. So why not chill out and trust the unfolding instead? It’s way more fun this way!
Take the necessary action to get yourself from A to B and then CHILL. Do your part. Whatever that is.
-Wake up early.
-Create a resume.
-Network.
-Research.
-Go to the gym.
-Eat a healthy meal.
-Start that website.
-Create that dating profile.
-Write that blog post.
-Get out of the house and go for a walk.
-Start a savings account.
-Apply to new jobs.
-Tell that person “this relationship is no longer working for me.”
WHATEVER IT IS FOR YOU THAT YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO BE DOING – GO DO IT NOW and WHATEVER RESULT YOU ARE WAITING FOR, TRUST THAT IT WILL MANIFEST.
Co-create your life with the universe.
Release feeling like it’s NOT going to happen. Change that mindset of “I’ll never make it.”
EVERY DAY tell yourself: I AM ABLE TO ACHIEVE ALL MY GOALS. LIFE WORKS IN MY FAVOR. EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE.
TRUST!
Take action and release control.
Take action and release control.
Take action and release control.
Trust. Trust. Trust.
SMILE.
Life is working in your favor – STOP LETTING YOUR MIND TELL YOU OTHERWISE.
Start looking at the EVIDENCE that SHOWS you that what you want IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE.
Try this as an experiment: When you see yourself gettin’ all worked up because sh*t’s just not coming together exactly how you want at the speed that you want – BREATHE — and say: I release control in this moment and I relax in the knowing that this is a process and just because it is not in front of me in this PRECISE moment, does not mean that it will NOT happen.
OF COURSE it’s going to work out!
Of COURSE I am going to achieve my goal. I am unfolding into it. I am trusting this journey.
OF COURSE the universe is on my side.
OF COURSE I am loved.
OF COURSE I am capable.
OF COURSE the doors of opportunity will open for me.
OF COURSE my health is going to improve.
OF COURSE I can bounce back from this rejection.
OF COURSE I can heal my wounds.
OF COURSE I can make this change.
OF COURSE I can have a successful business.
OF COURSE! OF COURSE!
YES! YES! YES!
I am here to tell you YES. RELAX BABY! RELAX.
Take aligned action and RELAX. IT WILL HAPPEN!
Believe with me. Trust with me. Breathe with me. Take the leap with me.
IT WILL HAPPEN!
reflectoutloud.com 