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Live

Sometimes I spend so much time trying to figure out my life that I don’t actually LIVE my life.

LIVE your life!
Just listen to music and flow off into the moment. Flow into the present and just let it consume you in its all-encompassing, loving arms.

In that space – in the space of the now – there’s just no room for worry. There’s no room for analyzing. There’s no room for thinking about shoulds. No room for regrets. No room for intrusive thoughts. There’s just this feeling – this feeling of tranquility. This feeling of peace. This feeling that things are okay and that they’re gonna be okay. This feeling of enoughness.

I just breath in deep.
And it feels so fresh.
So filling.
So satisfying.
It is so delightful to just flow in this space.

Breathe. Be Here. Be Present.

I think a lot. A lot.

I realize that most of my thinking hinders my ability to simply experience the beauty of the present moment. The sounds. The smells. The colors. The joy of being part of the eternal now.

My thoughts give rise to my emotions, which gives rise to more thoughts, and circles endlessly.
When I interrupt my thinking mind I feel peaceful. I don’t project myself into the future or wallow in my past or my fears.
Letting the thoughts just play like a song on a radio allows me to be the observer of the thoughts without identifying or giving them more energy to persist.

When I let my thoughts carry me away like the mighty waves of an ocean, I lose myself in my mind. I drown. I start to believe my limiting thoughts are my reality. I play and replay scenarios in my head. I remember the past. I rehearse for the future. I replay all my fears. I analyze. Overthink. I beat an idea down over and over until I am overwhelmed and uneasy.

Then I remember  I have a choice. I can either live in my head or live in the moment. Do I live in the mental stories or do I actually live? The stories make me feel good or make me feel bad, or something in between. The stories do not provide lasting peace as they are always changing, analyzing, criticizing, judging.

Regret. Fear. Anxiety. Love. Nostalgia. Guilt. Shame. Sadness. Pride. Creativity. My myriad of emotions. It’s all tossed in my head like a salad.

Then I chose to take a seat. I just sit there and watch the thoughts. I watch them until they are done rising and sinking. I let them ride but I don’t join. I actively interrupt the thoughts by commanding myself to “Be here. Be present.” I take deep breaths and focus on the feeling of the air filling my lungs and then releasing.

In…
Out…
In…
Out…
Be here.
Be present.
In…
Out…
In…
Out…
Be here.
Be present.

My mind becomes quiet. I am brought back to the present moment where everything is ok. The colors penetrate my eyes. The smells dance in my nostrils. The sounds tickle my ears. The air makes sweet love to my lungs. I am well. I am here. I am not identified with the stories in my head. I am not my memories. I am not projecting myself into the future. I am not trying to control. I am not trying to do more, be more, have more to prove some point to myself or the world. I just am. I just am this living being who is settled in peace, inner stillness and soothing joy.

Declarations For Letting Go

I am letting go.
I am releasing what does not serve me.
I release painful memories.
I let go of thoughts that hold me back.
I am free from all past hurt.
I release people from my past who hurt me.
I let go of blame.
I let go of guilt.
I am floating in freedom.
I am bathing in freedom.
I relinquish all my burdens.
I am as light as a feather.
I am healed.
I am swimming in bright blue clear waters.
I am rising with joy in my heart.
I am bursting with bright and loving energy.
I am new.
I forgive myself completely.
I am totally forgiven.
I let go of blaming others and forgive them for my sake.
I am as fresh and pure as the day I was born.
I am living from a new paradigm.
I am living from a new world.
I am living from new set of eyes.
The past no longer has power over me.
I am in complete control of my emotions.
I choose peace.
I choose freedom.
I am whole and in peace.
I am completely free.
I am flying above all my circumstances.
I am abundant and well.
I am new in every moment.
I am alive and I breath in fresh rejuvenating air.
My lungs are filled with the refreshing oxygen and as I breathe out all that does not serve me is released.
I let go.
I let go.
I am free.
I am free.

You are free.
You are free.
From this moment forward, you are free.

Rumination

Rumination, (thinking deeply about the same thing over and over again) is helpful in the sense that it reminds you of some unresolved issue. However, rumination can be detrimental to your wellbeing because it inhibits you from letting go and healing. Picking at the same old wound will never allow it to heal. Replaying the same old story in your head will keep you stuck like a CD with a scratch on it. You can’t move forward and grow if your mind is stuck on what happened two years ago. Letting go of the story in your head will allow you to begin to unburden yourself and become free of limiting thoughts that keep causing you pain in the present moment.

It can be hard to let go of the story in our head when we have become so identified with it. It is like a little piece of us. We think something like, “I will never forget the mean comment Jane made about me.” And then you keep thinking about Jane and her comment over and over again because you have chosen to commit to the thought that “I will never forget the mean comment Jane made about me.”

Holding on to the mean comment Jane made about you is not in any way serving you in a positive manner. What good is it doing to your mind, body, heart and overall wellbeing? None.

Let go.

So how do we let go of our limiting thoughts?

Practice non-attachment. When a repetitive thought comes to your mind, don’t feed the thought. Don’t become identified with it. Allow it to just pass through you. The thought will die if you do not feed it further energy. If you let the thought pass through you like a cloud or the wind, it’ll just pass without affecting you. Recognize that you are not your thoughts – you have thoughts, but you are not the thoughts. You are the awareness of your thoughts. Use your awareness to shine light on repetitive thoughts and realize “Oh, hey, there goes that bad thought again. I will just let it pass because this thought is not who I am.”

You can also practice meditation, which is getting the mind to become totally still. It quiets the analytical voice that is always playing in your head. You don’t have to meditate for long periods at a time. Even 10 seconds can help you become still. Start small. Focus on your breath. Breathing deeply calms your heart rate and brings your body to a state of relaxation. You can do this anywhere at any time. We all have at least 10 seconds to dedicate to our wellbeing.

Practice affirming rituals that remind you of who you are. When repetitive thoughts arise, interrupt them with affirming thoughts like:

I am consciousness.
I am in control of my thoughts.
I let go of old limiting thoughts.
I let go of painful memories.
I release all that does not serve me.
I am free.

You can repeat that to yourself like a mantra as many times as necessary until your mind becomes refocused on the truth of who you really are! You are life itself. You are not a scratched CD. You are not a song on replay. You are not your memories. You have memories, but underneath those memories you are pure consciousness first.
May you find peace in letting go.

THE PROCESS OF BECOMING

Who are you?
Answer: ___________________________

You might answer this question by telling me your name. Your age, cultural background, your social security number, and yada, yada, yada.

But see – that’s not really who you are. That’s information you have acquired from what the external world has determined for you.
You are the awareness of these things.
You are not your name, you are the awareness of your name.
You are not your age, you are the awareness of your age.
You are not your cultural background, you are the awareness of your cultural background.

Get the drift? I hope so.

“So what? So what if I am the awareness of that stuff?”

YAY! Great news, my friend!
Being awareness means that you get to choose your own reality!
It is up to YOU to decide what to accept or reject into your field of awareness.

So the process of becoming is simply asking yourself what are you aware of.
What thoughts are you aware of? Your own? Those imposed on you by others? A little bit of both?

If you realize that you have adopted the thoughts of others rather than your own, this isn’t a bad thing. It isn’t a good thing either. It just IS. This is how we grow – by exchanging ideas with one another.

Things are what they are – things ARE. PERIOD. Whether something is good or bad depends on the preference of the aware being.

So, for instance, the experience of eating chocolate ice cream may be good for me because to my awareness I experience something good from eating it. Someone else, however, may be eating from my chocolate ice cream cup yet have a distasteful experience because to their awareness they experience something bad from eating chocolate ice cream. There is nothing in the particles of chocolate ice cream itself that is coded with “goodness” or “badness” – these types of labeling are judgements of the experiencer based on the effect a particular thing has in combination to their particular being – to their awareness.

So what am I ultimately saying?
– Become YOU.

Do you like chocolate ice cream because YOU like chocolate ice cream or have you come to like chocolate ice cream because people might think you are cool if you eat chocolate ice cream?

Or fill it in this blank:
Do you like ___________ because YOU like _________ or do you like___________ because you believe X person(s) want you to like ___________?

Are you YOU because YOU take pleasure in who you are or are you YOU because of what you believe other people want you to be?
And maybe it’s a combination of both.
It isn’t bad to tag along with what others think is cool – that’s fine – we have words for that: admiration, inspiration, sharing, absorption, learning.
It only becomes a problem when you are not happy with yourself because you are not being true to who you are but are living a life that is decorated by what others want you to be.

When we seek to be what others want us to be, we are seeking approval.
We are seeking approval from others because we have failed to approve of ourselves just as we are. Somewhere along the way we adopted the awareness that “the way I am, as I am, is not good enough.”

Not good enough to whose awareness?

See, as long as to YOUR awareness you are enough, then no matter who tells you “YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH,” this statement will fall flat on its feet – it will have no power over you. It would be the same as a person telling me over and over “chocolate ice cream sucks.” This statement has no power over me because to MY awareness – CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM FUCKING ROCKS!

Be YOU Because YOU like it – whatever it is that you are. And if others like you too – AWESOME – if not, who cares? NOT YOU is all that matters. It is not for their awareness to decide what YOUR AWARENESS KNOWS TO BE TRUE FOR YOU.

YOUR AWARENESS IS ALL THE MATTERS.

Become YOU.
🙂 ❤

John

I will tell you about John.

John is a good guy. He walks around trying to do the “right thing.” He smiles at people hoping people will smile back. He yearns to connect; he yearns to be accepted and to accept back.

John loves all people. Even people with three or four heads and eyes. Even purple people, blue people, orange people and invisible people.
John is very curious.
John is scared sometimes because he doesn’t like pain. But he does like it when the nurse comes along and rubs alcohol on his boo-boo. It makes him feel loved. Like someone cares about his well-being.

John likes to play. He wishes he could play all day. He wishes he could climb trees and pretend he is a pirate looking out into the ocean for some loot and new found land.
But there is a thing called “job” he has to do.
John doesn’t necessarily dislike the idea of a job – he understands how important functions are to a well operating society. What John doesn’t like is when he is forced to play roles he doesn’t feel comfortable playing.

John wants to walk around the world and give everyone little paper hearts because he wants people to remember how to love.
John wants people to know how to see not just with the eyes, but with their whole entire being.

John gets angry sometimes. He gets angry when the world expects him to be more than what he already is. It is not that John doesn’t want to be more – or “expand” as he would call it, it’s that John wants the freedom to grow at his own pace.

John doesn’t like when he is corrected in a condescending way.
John wants to be the best John he can be and wants to be spoken to in a loving manner, not in a punishing manner.

John is tired now.

I will share more about him another day.

Trust Yourself

There are so many people out there saying so many different things that it can become really overwhelming sometimes. One particular type of statement that really gets on my nerves is the one that sounds something like: “It’s not this, but THIS.” The problem with this kind of statement is that sooner or later someone else will just say the exact opposite: “No, It’s not ‘THIS,’ but THAT!”
People will always have something to say about life and how it should or shouldn’t be, but at the end of the day it’s not their place to tell you what you should do or how you should live.
Only you have the power to decide what to do with your life and in which direction to stir it.

Instead of asking what others want from you or what they think you should do, start consulting your own being. Next time you get an urge to ask your friends what they think you should do, stop for a moment and look inside yourself and ask your very own self: “Hey, [speak your name], do you think I should do this?” Start to look within your own self and trust your decisions. Everyone has an opinion, and YOUR opinion is just as valid.

Trust your intuition. Trust the feelings that are guiding you. Let your own person shine. Let your ideas flow. Stop worrying about earning the approval of others and begin to approve yourself.

Every day tell yourself these words:
I am enough.
I approve myself.
I accept myself as I am.
I am capable of making my own choices.
I trust my own being.
I believe in myself.
I believe I will succeed.

Let your own voice be heard. Free yourself from needing the validation of others and start looking to yourself for validation. It can be tempting to want others to pat our backs so that we can feel we are accepted and belong, but once you start to accept yourself it will not matter who is for or against you because you will have everything you need – YOU.

Only YOU can walk your path and only YOU are living your life.
Your life does not belong to your friends.
Your life does not belong to your family.
Your life belongs to YOU – and YOU are the author of your story.
Be free to live your life according to your liking without fear of the judgement of others.
As long as you are not hurting yourself or others, there is no reason to be afraid of being yourself.
YOU ARE FREE TO BE YOU!

I am not sure what to call this

There is this deep empty feeling inside me sometimes because I yearn to connect on a true level with other humans but there are barriers stopping real communication. Barriers like titles, and jobs, roles, names and personalities, among other things.

I don’t really know what I am trying to tell you, partially because I don’t know if you’ll understand, and partially because it’s complicated.

I often feel like I am not from this world. So much of my perception is not in line with common perceptions. Although I can perceive the common, I am always seeing beyond it.

I want to communicate with more than just words. I want to be able to use hand gestures and a variety of facial expressions that communicate what I perceive so that you could understand more profoundly what I mean. I want to be able to hum you a sound that translates to the idea that I am having so you could understand what I actually mean. I want to twirl and skip and dance my feelings so you could have a more layered understanding of what I am conveying to you. I want to see you – fully as you are and I want you to see me, fully as I am. I want to understand you, truly understand you and I want you to understand me, truly understand me. I want to know your ways and want you to know my ways so that we could have a deeper understanding of reality and the world.

Sometimes while on the NYC subway I observe my surroundings and see that everyone is in their own little world and I think to myself, “There goes my brother/sister, and I don’t even know him/her.”

I want to transcend. 
I want to break free.
I want to be free.
I want to fly. Fly with me.
May there be harmony all around.
Release me, you poison! Disinfect my soul.

Finding Purpose in the Little-Big Things

Sometimes I get down on myself because of where I am in life. I get stuck thinking that I should be doing more, accomplishing more, believing that through my accomplishments I will be finally fulfilled. I keep thinking that once I have a high paying job, a nice house, a nice car, a couple of degrees on my wall then I could look at all the things I’ve achieved and say “OK. You did it. Your life is now perfect.”

Where did I get this idea? Why do I think that fulfillment comes from external accomplishments?
I mean, sure externals can bring fulfillment, but if you’re like me struggling and straining through the externals in hope that your strain will later bring fulfillment – then maybe we need to refocus ourselves.

I keep thinking I need to achieve some big thing so I can prove to myself and the world that I matter.
But today I woke up with the realization that I don’t need to do anything in order to matter. I already matter simply because I exist.

I realize that I need to appreciate the little things and that these little things are really big things in and of themselves. I was wallowing around thinking I have no purpose because I work a “meaningless job” at a storage company. Then I realized “Hey, wait a minute. I do have a purpose. I am the storage girl. My purpose right now is to be the best storage girl I can be. My purpose is to smile and give good service to my customers and to make sure that everyone who comes in looking for a place to keep their stuff is helped in a warm and friendly manner. I am the storage girl for now and this is my purpose right now.”

I was undermining myself simply because I didn’t feel like my job was meaningful. But it is. Even if I was flipping burgers at McDonald’s, that is meaningful too. If flipping burgers is my job, I simply need to know that for now my purpose is to be the best burger flipper I can be! Or if I am a cleaning lady, my purpose right now is to just be the best cleaning lady I can be.

I realize now that no matter what position I am in, whether it is president or servant, I have a purpose to fulfill in my particular place in time. I need to know that my purpose right now is whatever that purpose is right now and that I am not less than anyone else simply because of the title I hold.

I realize also that I have a tendency to compare myself to others making me feel inferior because I believe I should also be doing what others are doing. I need to understand that I am ME and not OTHERS. And that whatever I do in time is just as meaningful as what other people are doing because in the grand scheme of things we are all operating for some greater purpose – to move forward in time.

I need to improve my faith. I need to learn to trust that tomorrow will be ok and that I will be provided for. I don’t need to work-out the future, I just need to be here right now fulfilling this very purpose in time. I need to understand that my worth is not defined by my accomplishments even though that’s what our society often wants us to believe. This kind of mentality only serves to discourage us when in truth we are all the same.

Ultimately, what I am saying is: This moment, right here, right now – this is my life. My life is not in some future place or in the past. My life is here and being here is my purpose. I don’t need to feel like I must accomplish some great thing in the future in order to feel great. I am great because I exist. Life has chosen me to come to be and to be is my primary purpose. What I do at any point in time is big. Just coming in to my job and helping people get their storage room is big. Life has all these little moments that make big things. Let’s marvel in the little-big things of every day life.

Just relax in this moment.
Let yourself know that this moment is enough.
Let yourself know that tomorrow will be ok.
Let yourself be here and now.
Whatever action needs to be taken in this moment, take it.
If no action needs to be taken, just be.
You don’t need to plan your whole life.
You don’t need to compare yourself to others.
You are enough just as you are in this moment.
Your presence is a big accomplishment in and of itself.
Marvel in the little-big things.
Your purpose is to be and that is very, very big.

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