Another One Of Those Free Writes

I don’t know what to say… I just know I want to say…something.

I’m sitting here. Feeling blocked. Craving for those juicy moments where I feel OPEN, CONNECTED, INSPIRED.


Maybe another glass of wine oughta do it.

I doubt myself SO much. SO DAMN much.
I doubt my intelligence. Always have to double, triple check myself.

I feel like my throat chakra is blocked.

Or maybe I just feel like complaining.

I’m due for my period any day now…

Right now my energy is all over the place. I am annoyed but I’m comfortable. I am sad but I am content.

I know better… I really do.

I’ve been here before… it comes and it goes.

I have work tomorrow but I don’t want to go. There’s a big part of me that wants to call out. But I won’t.

I don’t think.

I’m leaving work soon… starting the path to creating a life I love.
I’m excited. Nervous as fuck.

But it’s all good. I think it’s all going to be just fine.


I’m creating some BIG things…

And still going through my shit. Naturally.

But I am happy.

But I am also a little sad right now.
It comes and goes.

No words of wisdom for you today.

Just more of my bullshit.



It’s neither here, nor there. But it is, and isn’t at the same time.
Who knows? Who cares? I don’t. I do.
Sometimes. When. Here. There. Nowhere.
Not now. YES. NOW. UGH!
Why me? I didn’t ask to be here.
Did I?


They. We. Us. Me. I. Them. Not them. We.

Love. Lust. Hate. Prejudice. Angry, angry, angry.

Spiral. Line. Circle. Triangle.
Numbers. Beautiful.

Ugh, I don’t even care anymore. But I do. What’s the point anyway?

Too much to process. Overwhelm.

I am calm. I can. I never could.

Am able. No. I am not. I am. Yes. NO. Okay, maybe.

Who is to blame? Me. Duh. No YOU. Them. US. No one. Everyone.


I can’t tell you how I really feel because it’s mean. I don’t want to be mean.


I am mean, sometimes. Always. Never. FAIR.


They. We. I. When? FORGET IT.


Too many memories. Not enough process.

Process. WHO? Me. You. US. THEM.



Life. Death. Stupid people. So scared to be honest.

I am not strong enough to take them on.

I am scared to be weak.

I am powerful. Afraid.


Flowers. US. REBIRTH.

Follow your heart.


Free Thought and Numbers

I see same digits every day without planning to. 1:11, 11:11, 12:12, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 10:10. These are the most common. Which is basically all of them. Except 5:55, which I think I see less of. I always feel happy when I see them. I hear some say that they are messages from the universe. Are they? I don’t know. I would really like it to be.

I don’t know how to really draw the line between what is truly real and what is man made mumbo jumbo. I wish I could know. I really do.

I have trouble at times feeling really confident in any one belief because I feel like everything is always changing. For example, if I believe in this X now, 1 second from now this X is not the same because it’s now one second old – it has changed (even if at a minuscule level) since its original time. So how can I become grounded in any one thing if all things are changing moment by moment?

I hate it. I hate that I get so confused by it all and that I just don’t know it all.

Some say that we should become satisfied with not knowing. Are we giving up by saying it’s enough not to know? If you could know, wouldn’t you want to? I would.
If I had a choice I would choose knowledge.
But that’s my personal choice.

But, of course, until then, I’ll just settle for not knowing. For wondering. For exploring.
For having enough, for now.

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