Will I ever be the woman I thought I’d be?

Sometimes I can see her. She’s healthy, light, her skin is glowing. You can tell she’s well. You can tell she’s content. She’s confident. She knows what she’s doing. She trusts. She’s kind. She’ll invite you over for charcuterie and wine. Her home has the most beautiful wooden table made from a thick wood to remind her of the forest. There will be little mementos from all the worldly adventures she’s had displayed on the walls, the shelves, the tv stand. Her bookshelves will be filled with the names and books of those who’ve inspired her most. She’ll want to show you her garden. She’ll want to ask you what you’re most excited to create. She’ll ask you what have you found to be the meaning of life. What do you think we’re all doing here and why?

This week I went to see the Horseshoe Bend in Arizona. It’s been on my bucket list. The first thought I had when I saw it is “There’s no way we’re not in a virtual reality.”

Lately I’ve been questioning the nature of reality more often.

I’ve also been thinking of the passage of time. How I truly won’t be here forever. Am I really living? What actually matters?

And will I ever be everything I ever thought I’d be?