Why?
Is it because I took too long?
Because I don’t really wear skirts?
Is it because I’m too nice? Too sweet?
Is it because I don’t move my hips like the other girls do?
Because I’m too small?
Not cool enough?
Too complicated?
Too simple?
Too…?

Is it because the sound of my voice is too young? Naive?

Are you being impatient?
Or did I do something wrong?

I don’t know.
But I release control.

I’ll trust.
I’ll trust the process.
I’ll trust that what is meant to be won’t miss me.

I’ll take my love and gift it to me.

For so long I’ve been placing it everywhere else. I never knew any better. I never knew how to be whole.

And perhaps this is the perfect time to do so.
And perhaps this is about true love.
Perhaps it’s about letting go.
Perhaps it’s about patience.
Perhaps it’s about trust.

I don’t know.

I do know that life is not a guarantee.
I’ve been seeing it more and more right before my eyes.

I feel shook yet still frozen and unable to move.
Because where to from here?

Where to from here?

What really matters in a world where it all just goes?
It all just goes…

So then what about it?

My heart wants to crack open to engulf my whole being with it’s own love, kindness and compassion only to reawaken again unafraid to move forward. Walking in full trust. Knowing that when I take a step in empty space a block will appear to uphold me. I need not worry. I need not fear. Because I know. I know. I know.

A part of me surrenders
A part of me is in the corner fighting and throwing a tantrum

“Why’d you get me so high to leave me solo?”

What even matters anyway?

What to do anyway?

Do I sell it all and travel? Go to Bali? Japan?
Get a car and just go — just go?

Do I stay put and build a foundation?

For what? For what? It all just goes. It all just goes….

So what really matters?

I guess maybe that moment with you.
But it’s all fleeting anyway.

Whatever.